Kiss A Girl And Go To Hell

September 8th, 2008 | 02:22 am

Ahh, church signs, they are always a source of joy. Apparently this congregation in Ohio loves that new Katy Perry song so much that they wanted to add a few extra lyrics to the hit single. According to NBC:

Mixed feelings. That's the best way to describe how people feel about a controversial church sign that was seen in Blacklick, Ohio this past week.

Pastor David Allison said he didn't put up the sign to draw attention to the church.

He was just very concerned about the implications of the song for teenagers and what he called a music video so suggestive it borders on pornography.

"If anyone's seen the video and understands how lewd and suggestive the video is for this song, that is not something young people should go toward," Allison said.
Wait, they live in a town called Blacklick and their concerned about their daughters kissing girls? If they're worried about suggestive pornography, maybe they should change the name of their town to something a little less evocative like, oh, I don't know...Dongsuck...or PenisShaft.

And what kind of message does this sign send to the young sons of Blacklick (or PenisShaft, if you prefer)? Imagine being a dutiful little Christian boy, full of raging hormones. You have a huge crush on the girl in the next pew, but now you think you're going to burn forever if you swap spit with her under the bleachers. No masturbating, no sodomy and now no girl kissing. It looks like Jesus is winning the war on testicles.

Comments

39 Responses to "Kiss A Girl And Go To Hell"

  1. Christopher Robin Says:

    Well unless a ghost wrote that... I dunno how well founded that is...

  2. mark C in HK Says:

    I love you for the phrase "war on testicles".

  3. Jordan Says:

    "Ain't no big deal it's innocent."

    Actually I am silly because I read the sign and the song didn't even come to mind until I read the post. That too is what I was thinking that boys aren't supposed to kiss girls now???

    What's frightening is that it's not ok to kiss a girl but it's ok to lie to children and force your mistaken certainties on them.

    It all makes sense now.

  4. Danny Says:

    It is refering to the song Jordan, "guys are not supposed to kiss girls now?!" what kind of retard are you?! It's obviously talking about the girl, and yes, the bible does talk about Guys having to be with Girls and Girls with Guys, you don't follow that you go to hell, it may be a little too much for a lot of people to understand, I don't agree with that being on the sign, same reason, people like you, can't get the message unless it's explained in DETAIL to you.

    You are gay, God doesn't like it. God will judge you for the light you have received, if noone ever told you it wasn't ok to be gay, only God knows where you will go.

  5. JB Says:

    "You are gay, God doesn't like it. God will judge you for the light you have received, if noone ever told you it wasn't ok to be gay, only God knows where you will go."

    So if you're gay, you're imaginary alien in the sky will judge you. Well, I for one am now definitely crapping myself!!

  6. Keith T. Syverson Says:

    Attach yourself to what fear feeds and your loving perspective suffers. Perception distorts accordingly. You need to ask yourself, 'What do you want out of spiritual edification?'

    You want rules, you'll find yourself ruled (by an external whom?) You want truth, you'll find yourself honest (or at least an internal potential). Honestly, we're in poor position to evaluate Biblical minutia as intended for a different time & place. Truly, the past is an alien land.

    <> is a fine answer to the question I posed, "When you have two equally good things, which do you choose?"

    Given that ontological perspective, essentialize your prerogative accordingly.

  7. I kiss girls and like it. Says:

    "God will judge you for the light you have received, if noone ever told you it wasn’t ok to be gay, only God knows where you will go."
    Danny - I'd like you to know that I'll be filing suit against you in a federal court for eternal pain and suffering. If you hadn't told me that, I'd have been good to go, but now that I've been told, I have only you to blame

  8. Jack Says:

    Clearly this pastor needs to go back to bible school. If a girl kisses another girl, yet believes in Jesus Christ, she's forgiven. No hell involved.

  9. EC Says:

    That's pretty funny. At least something good came out of that crappy song.

  10. none Says:

    I like it when girls kiss. Good thing there isn't a god.

  11. j man Says:

    i live in a town called Reddick

  12. KeeblerKahn Says:

    Consider yourself luck J man, you could live in BlueBalls Utah.

    Has your town seen a doctor? A nice ointment might be all you need to clear it up.

  13. Alfred Hitchcock Says:

    You all are rediculously unbelieveable, espesially Keith T. sassass afrass up there. Whats going on man? did you pick up a dictionary today for the first time? even if your making sense its completly out of context. anyways, Its like everyone has to pick on religion because there to weak to actually find out if its real or not.
    Honestly. who would put that up on a church billboard? I would really question the pastors ability to reach un-believers. because thats got to be the worst way I have ever seen!!

    but, that still doesnt take away from the fact that all of you above me here are just stupid. Danny, come on, you shouldnt have said anything. Jack, please pick up a bible, and read it. None is a probably a 48 year old pedifile sittin on his computer watching obamas children and getting off!

    Im really glad i accidentily came across this, stupid billboard, even dumber review, and EVEN LAAAAAMER COMMENTS!! Get lives people. GOD IS REAL! travel outside your box and find him! How easy is it to go along with your sexual prefrence and temptation? really easy. How easy is it to blame God for anything bad that happens? really easy. How easy is it to say there is NO God so you can do the things you know in your heart are probably wrong? really easy.

    YOUR LAZY!

  14. Dookiebomb Says:

    Alfred Hitchcock kissed a boy and he liked it.

  15. ThisScreenName Says:

    Whoa "Danny"!
    Simmah' down now!
    RE: "...what kind of retard are you?!... "
    unless you arent actually christian, and just being sarcastic..in that case, my bad...big-ups.
    or if you are christisn, just one in need of that oft mentioned forgiveness...
    hey, maybe god could forgive all the gays! that'd be awful christian of him.
    or maybe he could let dudes spank it, or look at porn, or kiss girls once a week.
    And girls should always be allowed to kiss. Maybe whoever edited the current version of the good book, (constantine or whoever,) made it say no girls kissing girls cuz he was jealous, or gay, or he had a secret room where only kings could watch girl on girl! ...

  16. ThisScreenName Says:

    also, Mr Hitchcock,
    no need to feel insecure if Keith T - uses words or concepts over your head. Everyone gets a chance to understand what he simply chose those certain words to express. Just part of the human experience. Dont worry. Theres still time. More will be revealed. But if you're in a hurry, you could always try a dictionary... By the way, ever consider that maybe all those "just stupid" people up there, HAVE found god, but its just called something different than where you and pastor Dave Homophobe-Allison are from?

  17. evilezbo Says:

    girls, dont let girls kiss u. THey are just playing games with your mind.

  18. Free Playstation 3 Says:

    wow that's hilarious. I live in the Bible Belt, so I've seen my fair share of church signs and this is one of the better ones.

  19. renu Says:

    kiss me..........on 9268155537

  20. Pandemonium13 Says:

    You guys depress me.

  21. Anarquista Says:

    Religion is a modern slavery, the slavery of ignorance and fear.

  22. señor X Says:

    THIS IS PHOTO SHOP !!!!

  23. you stupid Says:

    United States of America is the most powerful source of humor I found. I'm looking forward to reading the papers tomorrow.What will be next? LOL

  24. Realist Says:

    Please, Mr Hitchcock you make movies about sadist murderers. Also please don't pick people up on DICTIONARY work if you can not spell yourself, and if you look at your comment properly you will realise that you said not believing in god is easy and believing in him is easy and then you called everyone LAZY so does that mean the fact that you feel there is some sort of omnipitant being out there guiding you life (which by the way makes you lazier than anyone else in the world) that you are in some way better than them.

    No in fact if you read your own precious bible it says that god and by god I mean Jesus which a lot of you bible bashing idiots seem not to realise are the same person will forgived me if I ask for it at the pearly gates.

    In fact if you think about it GOD must be the most f'd up of all beings in existence...when you read the bible both of them by the way not just the trumped up NEW testament you will realise how twisted he really is..."I'll make some creatures and give them some rules....hang on they didn't follow my rules well F@#K them i'm gonna make it even harder for them to come live with me ad I wil play games with them and kill a whole heap of them with weird disasters and stuff, yeah lets see how many make it here now motherf@#$%#rs"

    Hey sorry for ranting but I hope the truth HURTS cause if it was real i reckon lucifer may be the better choice (sex drugs, rock n roll just like a club with the heaters on)

    Peace out, or murder whatever I don't judge thats for GOD muaaahahahaha

  25. www.iphone3gaccessories.co.uk Says:

    Shizzle - what do i get for f*cking my sister? Tehehe

  26. Ryland Says:

    Sorry, but it's real. I know because A) here's the news story about it:

    http://www.myfoxcleveland.com/myfox/pages/News/Detail?contentId=7358443&...

    ...and B) I run churchsigngenerator.com and that's not one of my templates.

  27. Tyler Demerchant Says:

    Well, it seems I have stumbled across another post full of intillect!

    I am a christian and I dont agree with the sign. Pretty outrageous if you ask me.

    While it is a sin, it doesnt mean that you are doomed to hell.
    I told a lie once, am I going to hell?
    No.
    When one asks forgiveness, he is forgiven. But when one takes joy in their sin, this is when it becomes dangerous. I surely hope that God would forgive anyway, but I guess we will find out one day.

    Thankfully he is only an alien fantasy (sarcasm)
    Your god can be whatever you want it to be, thats your choice.
    But at the very least, this sign doesnt do much for reaching out, more for beating away skeptics with a stick.

    Good job Pastor David (sarcasm again)

  28. Raptaur Says:

    God Loves Gays,

    For those 'Christians' that don't even know their own religion the only condition to get into heaven is to accept Jesus as your Saviour everything else is forgiven apart from this (according to your book)

    If you are going to preach to us then at least try not to be ignorant on which you preach

  29. ChelOis Says:

    To all kissing boys, you can think one of two:
    - I didn't kiss the girl, the girl kissed me.
    - God does not exist.

    I prefer the second one.

  30. Trevor McDonald Says:

    I did jesus up the pooper does that make me gay?

  31. ugh Says:

    Americans are all stupid

  32. ChelOis Says:

    ---------------------------------------
    # ugh Says:
    September 17th, 2008 at 6:37 am

    Americans are all stupid
    ---------------------------------------

    Not all, obviously...

    ¿And what about Germans like you?

  33. Allaiyah Says:

    Guess those Blacklick boys will just have to kiss boys instead.

  34. Immi Says:

    Rock n Roll has ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS been about sex & rebellion. From Elvis on down the ages. Elvis, The Who, The Beatles, Stones, The Doors, Black Sabbath and Ozzie, Led Zeppelin, The Eagles, Peter Frampton, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Prince, Duran Duran, RATT, Madonna, Mazzy Star, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Dave Matthews, Limp Biskit, Third Eye Blind, TLC, every hip hop artist, Amy Winehouse, etc etc etc etc etc It's only rock n roll and I lilke it!

  35. painfully obvious Says:

    I love how the raging Christian posted not only under the name Alfred Hitchcock but failed to remember (because they aren't lazy enough to watch movies) that he made movies that involved killing people. Last time I checked the ten commandments "thou shall not kill" was one???!! Wow! Wanna talk about getting out of boxes. News Flash: God doesn't like people that violate the ten commandments. Nor is that judgment thing up to you. That would be God's job. Typical church-goer.

  36. Anonymous Says:

    DerkaManBeef says smoke a spliff and chill.

  37. </a></cite> Says: <br> <small class="commentmetadata"><a rel="nofollow" href="/2008/09/08/kiss-a-girl-and-go-to-hell-2/#comment-597553" title="">May 13th, 2009 at 09:45 am</a> </small> <p>Good Day. She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.<br /> I am from Austria and too bad know English, tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "a barrel by afternoon in singapore in.Lada off the new avtovaz platform doesn look half bad; ditto."</p> <p>Thank you very much 8-). Reuben.</p> <div class="comment_reply_btn"><a rel="nofollow" class="comment_reply_link" href="/comment/reply/3833/597553"><img border="0" src="sites/default/themes/holytaco2/images/reply_btn.png"> </a></div> </li> </div></div> <!-- /comment-inner, /comment --> <a id="comment-883462"></a> <a id="comment-883462"></a> <div class="comment "><div class="comment-inner"> <li class="" id="comment-883462"> <cite> Keith T. Syverson</cite> Says: <br> <small class="commentmetadata"><a rel="nofollow" href="/2008/09/08/kiss-a-girl-and-go-to-hell-2/#comment-883462" title="">June 9th, 2009 at 01:54 pm</a> </small> <p>I finally got back here and gather that "Alfred Hitchcock" was referring to me with the snarky "Keith T. sassass afrass". Alfred, your comment was for The Birds - "diculously" is not something you can do over.</p> <p>How easy was it to see the red lines under all your spelling errors before you [submit]. Real easy. How easy was it to check your argument for coherence and against fallaciousness? Admittedly, not as easy -- and no, Mr. Hitchcock, it's not a dirty sex word.</p> <p>If you believe God is real and by get a life you mean maturity, then why do you need to resort to the lowest, most childish ad hominem attacks?</p> <p>Getting at truth is not just for the poor spellers and dictionary burners. Jesus didn't just decry religious misdirection as it applied to the real and spiritual world, he died because of it.</p> <p>Also, I noticed my previous comment had an edit hiccuip. Instead of "<>", it was supposed to read, "Find yourself first, and the right answer comes from within."</p> <div class="comment_reply_btn"><a rel="nofollow" class="comment_reply_link" href="/comment/reply/3833/883462"><img border="0" src="sites/default/themes/holytaco2/images/reply_btn.png"> </a></div> </li> </div></div> <!-- /comment-inner, /comment --> <div class="box"> <h2>Post new comment</h2> <div class="content"><form action="/comment/reply/3833" accept-charset="UTF-8" method="post" id="comment-form"> <div><div class="form-item" id="edit-name-wrapper"> <label for="edit-name">Your name: </label> <input type="text" maxlength="60" name="name" id="edit-name" size="30" value="Anonymous" class="form-text" /> </div> <div class="form-item" id="edit-mail-wrapper"> <label for="edit-mail">E-mail: </label> <input type="text" maxlength="64" name="mail" id="edit-mail" size="30" value="" class="form-text" /> <div class="description">The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.</div> </div> <div class="form-item" id="edit-homepage-wrapper"> <label for="edit-homepage">Homepage: </label> <input type="text" maxlength="255" name="homepage" id="edit-homepage" size="30" value="" class="form-text" /> </div> <div class="form-item" id="edit-comment-wrapper"> <label for="edit-comment">Comment: <span class="form-required" title="This field is required.">*</span></label> <textarea cols="60" rows="15" name="comment" id="edit-comment" class="form-textarea resizable required"></textarea> </div> <ul class="tips"><li>Allowed HTML tags: <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd></li><li>Lines and paragraphs break automatically.</li></ul><p><a href="/filter/tips">More information about formatting options</a></p><input type="hidden" name="form_build_id" id="form-4ea1dc667599206fa2d939780c7a0878" value="form-4ea1dc667599206fa2d939780c7a0878" /> <input type="hidden" name="form_id" id="edit-comment-form" value="comment_form" /> <fieldset class="captcha"><legend>CAPTCHA</legend><div class="description"><p style="font-size:14px;">If you don't want to figure out this word every time you comment, please either <a href="/user">login</a> or <a href="/user/register">register for an account</a>.</p></div><div class="form-item" id="edit-captcha-response-wrapper"> <div class="description"><script type="text/javascript" src="http://api.recaptcha.net/challenge?k=6Lfc-AYAAAAAAKnoLOGe_Vt_UVfGGz-W0PytPR8S"></script> <noscript> <iframe src="http://api.recaptcha.net/noscript?k=6Lfc-AYAAAAAAKnoLOGe_Vt_UVfGGz-W0PytPR8S" height="300" width="500" frameborder="0"></iframe><br/> <textarea name="recaptcha_challenge_field" rows="3" cols="40"></textarea> <input type="hidden" name="recaptcha_response_field" value="manual_challenge"/> </noscript></div> </div> <input type="hidden" name="captcha_token" id="edit-captcha-token" value="f106283ea33105cd5b8c289249149294" /> </fieldset> <input type="submit" name="op" id="edit-submit" value="Submit" class="form-submit" /> <input type="submit" name="op" id="edit-preview" value="Preview" class="form-submit" /> </div></form> </div> </div> </ol> </div> </div> <!-- Right column --> <div id="column-right"> <div class="block"> <form action="/2008/09/08/kiss-a-girl-and-go-to-hell-2" accept-charset="UTF-8" method="post" id="drupal-sphinx-search-block-form"> <div><div class="search-block" style="float:left;width:350px;"> <div class="s-box-container"> <div class="form-item" id="edit-drupal-sphinx-search-block-form-1-wrapper"> <input type="text" maxlength="128" name="drupal_sphinx_search_block_form" id="edit-drupal-sphinx-search-block-form-1" size="15" value="" title="Enter the terms you wish to search for." onclick="clearSearch(this);" class="form-text" /> </div> <div style="float:left;width:30px;"><input type="image" src="http://cdn.holytaco.com/www/sites/default/themes/holytaco2/images/search-btn.gif" name="op" id="edit-submit" value="Search" class="form-submit" /></div> <input type="hidden" name="form_build_id" id="form-977e8d9880e2969a1cfab17e343fc83f" value="form-977e8d9880e2969a1cfab17e343fc83f" /> <input type="hidden" name="form_id" id="edit-drupal-sphinx-search-block-form" value="drupal_sphinx_search_block_form" /> </div> </div> </div></form> </div><div class="block"> <script language="JavaScript" type="text/javascript"> ord=Math.random()*10000000000000000; 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