College can be a confusing place for freshmen. So, in an effort to better prepare them for life on campus, we've acquired the help of an NFL referee to alert them when they've committed a penalty.
1. PENALTY: TRYING TO IMPRESS PEOPLE WITH YOUR DJ SKILLS
2. PENALTY: ASKING ANNOYING QUESTIONS THAT DELAY THE END OF CLASS
3. PENALTY: JACKING OFF WHILE YOUR ROOMMATE IS TRYING TO SLEEP
4. PENALTY: EXPECTING A BLOWJOB BECAUSE YOU THREW A PARTY IN YOUR DORM ROOM
5. PENALTY: TRYING TO IMPRESS GIRLS WITH FISTING JOKES
6. PENALTY: TAKING TWO KARATE COURSES DOES NOT MAKE YOU BRUCE LEE
7. PENALTY: DANCING LIKE THE WHITEST MAN ON THE PLANET
8. PENALTY: HIDING THE LAST BEER
9. PENALTY: JOINING THE DIVING TEAM
10. PENALTY: LYING ABOUT THE SIZE OF YOUR PENIS
11. PENALTY: BRAGGING THAT YOU ARE THE LORD OF THE DANCE
12. PENALTY: STILL THINKING "RAISE THE ROOF" IS POPULAR
13. PENALTY: CONSTANTLY SHOWING EVERYONE THAT YOU COULD TOTALLY PASS A SOBRIETY TEST
14. PENALTY: SHOWING UP TO A PARTY EMPTY-HANDED
15. PENALTY: YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY A VISIBLE STENCH CLOUD BECAUSE YOU HAVEN'T DONE LAUNDRY IN SIX WEEKS
16. PENALTY: STANDING AT THE DOOR AND ASKING EVERYONE FOR KEG MONEY
Were I able, I'd also add the following penalties:
Penalty: puking in the air conditioner of a dorm room
Penalty: jacking off in a stall of the communal bathroom
Penalty: Forgetting you're fat and unattractive when you hear of a steamroom in the shower
Penalty: Crashing someone's party with intent to snag a drunk girl
Penalty: Drunken crying. You're not "sensitive" but you ARE a fucking cunt.
Penalty: Being the "World of Warcraft" roommate that inhibits someone's night. Asshat!
(13 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
September 15th, 2008 at 09:36 pm
This post sucks my nuts just like the dean at my college.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:16 pm
You are just pissed because someone followed you around at school for a week so they could come up with this list.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Ouch.....this hit too close to home.
Normally, I am none of the stereotypical douches on your lists.....but this time I have committed about 2/3 of these penalties.
1-3
6-7
8
10
13-16
Thank the lord my real name isn't Tyler
......I have shared waaaay too much.
September 15th, 2008 at 11:23 pm
Were I able, I'd also add the following penalties:
Penalty: puking in the air conditioner of a dorm room
Penalty: jacking off in a stall of the communal bathroom
Penalty: Forgetting you're fat and unattractive when you hear of a steamroom in the shower
Penalty: Crashing someone's party with intent to snag a drunk girl
Penalty: Drunken crying. You're not "sensitive" but you ARE a fucking cunt.
Penalty: Being the "World of Warcraft" roommate that inhibits someone's night. Asshat!
September 15th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Oh and I committed penalty #4 of Truth's
crashing party to snag drunk girl......she was asking for it though.
Are forum posts admissable in a court of law?....I hope not.
September 16th, 2008 at 06:50 am
"Penalty: Crashing someone’s party with intent to snag a drunk girl"
That usually goes hand in hand with penalty 21: committing date rape because you can't fuck a chick who isn't unconcious
September 17th, 2008 at 01:04 pm
Heh, very nice, Uzi. Very nice.
September 20th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
Suck my nuts!
September 23rd, 2008 at 06:22 am
wow i've done exactly half of those ... shit
September 24th, 2008 at 03:00 am
fucking freshmen
October 25th, 2008 at 06:59 am
The pictures are fucking perfect.
December 23rd, 2008 at 07:07 pm
HA, I am in my first year of grad school and those #2 jackasses are still around. Use email.
February 14th, 2009 at 03:19 pm
penalty: pouring out beer
I do this all the time! cause I'm a TOOL!
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