Guy From Van Wilder Loves Scarlett Johansson's Huge Rack

When I was a kid, my Dad took me to the movie theater to see North, the movie where Elijah Wood hates his parents for some reason, and so he travels around the world visiting horribly stereotypical people in search of a foster family that will take him in. One of the stereotypical families features a very young Scarlett Johansson, who plays Elijah's foster sister. She was only about 8 years old in this movie, but as soon as she came on screen, I remember turning to my Dad and saying: "Dad, that chick is going to grow up to be extremely hot, and then she's going to become a huge bitch, and only her tits are going to be able to save her. Also, Elijah Wood is probably going to realize that he actually loves his real parents most of all." Well it turns out I was 100% correct. Elijah did love his real parents the most, and Scarlett Johansson has become a raging bitch:

"Page Six is reporting that Scarlett Johansson's ego has morphed into an insatiable savage beast and is always hungry.

One well-placed source told Page Six that producers...have been grumbling that Scarlett isn’t the same. She’s turned into the biggest prima donna...everyone said she was a sweetheart. Now they say, 'Scarlett’s let it get to her head.'"
The good news is that her tits turned out to be magnificent. In fact, they're so excellent that the Guy from Van Wilder recently got engaged to them. Check out this letter we found in his house: