Welcome to HolyTaco's 2009 Douchebag Tournament. It's the only tournament in the world that pits 64 douchebags in a winner-take-all tourney, voted on by you, to determine who is crowned the Biggest Douchebag of 2009.
We took 16 douchebags from the fields of Entertainment, Sports, Business, and Politics, ranked them accordingly and matched them up in a manner similar to a crazy tournament between February and April that we can't name due to legal issues. So, the #1 ranked douchebag in each division plays the #16 ranked douchebag, the #2 ranked douchebag plays the #15 ranked douchebag and so on.
And now, the first round of games are underway. Vote on who you think is the bigger douchebag in each of the eight match-ups below. Voting ends March 20th at 12:00 noon EST. Results will be posted shortly after voting ends.
Vote on who's the bigger douche. You can vote as many times as you want. Just refresh the page and vote again.
(1) Chris Brown
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Chris is a #1 seed for one very obvious reason: His music sucks. Oh, and he hits women.
VS.
(16) Ryan Seacrest
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
The perennial douchebag, Seacrest's combines a pretty boy smugness with the world's blandest personality. Listening to him suck up to celebrities and pretend that photos of Brad Pitt walking into a Starbucks is actual news makes you want to move to Russia. Seacrest out (of everything except the closet.)
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(1) Alex Rodriguez
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Where do you start with A-Rod? He was numero douche-o way before his steroid scandal started. The certified clubhouse cancer, collects hundreds of millions of dollars all year long...except in October, when he seems to collect nothing but strikeouts.
(16) Bill Belichick
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Bill may have invented arrogance. And sure, when you're good, you're good. But when you have Tom Brady, you should be good. And when you (allegedly) record other teams practices, you should be REALLY good. Take away both of those, and the boy genius doesn't make the playoffs.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(1) Bernie Madoff
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
A favorite to win this whole tournament, you already know why Bernie is a number one seed. But why not check out Bernie Madoff's prison Twitter page.
(16) Richard Branson
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Branson is a pompous douchebag who's so rich he tries to fly balloons across the globe. The problem is, when his balloons crash, which they inevitably do, little people like fireman, the Coast Guard and the police have to risk their lives to save him.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(1) Rush Limbaugh
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
There's nothing more annoying than getting a lecture on morality and conservatism by a drug addict who can't stop shoving ho-hos into his big, fat face.
(16) Arianna Huffington
What Makes Her A Douchebag:
Waving your finger at Fox News as a biased news organization only out to promote the tenets of Republican party ideals is like the pot calling the kettle a liberal, pinko Commie.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(8) CEOs of the Big Three Automakers
What Makes Them Douchebags:
Aside from having the gall to fly private jets to D.C. to beg for taxpayer money, these "businessmen" managed to run some of the world's most profitable companies into the ground by building shitty, expensive cars that get the gas mileage of a 747 for decades in the face of an oncoming energy crisis.
(9) Jimmy Cayne - Ex-CEO of Bear Stearns
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
If Jimmy was a character in a movie, his antics of leaving a conference call to play in a bridge tournament during the night of a severe Bear Stearns financial crisis might make him look like a carefree badass. But he's not in a movie, he's in charge of people's jobs and life savings.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(8) Sean Penn
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
You never have to wonder what Sean Penn is thinking about a topic because he's always screaming his opinions in your face.
VS.
(9) Jimmy Fallon
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Let's get this straight. Jimmy Fallon giggled through SNL sketches like a stoned schoolgirl from 1999-2004. Then he starred in the movies Taxi and Fever Pitch. And now he has his own late night show while Tracey Morgan does not? Sorry, Jimmy, that makes you a douche.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(8) Terell Owens
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
You know why T.O. is a douchebag. But if you don't: he's a me-first prima donna who is such a clubhouse cancer that he's actually playing in Buffalo now.
(9) Duke University
What Makes All Of Them Douchebags:
It seems that the only question on the Duke University Application Form is: "Are you a rich, white asshole who's filled with an enormous sense of entitlement?" If you answer "yes" then you're automatically accepted.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(8) Keith Olbermann
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Keith Olbermann is the kind of conceited douchebag who talks down to you little idiot peons for 20 minutes straight and then ends his rant with "Good day, sir!" to make himself sound more dignified. It's not 1840, you pompous douchebag.
VS:
(9) Sarah Palin
What Makes Her A Douchebag:
Sarah's a douchebag because she ran for Vice President with a straight face despite her inability to understand basic laws and legislation. She's also a douchebag because of her steadfast devotion to abstinence education despite having a pregnant teen daughter. If you need more examples, just type "Sarah Palin" into any web browser and I'm sure whatever comes up with prove her douchebaggery.
I didn't see Obama on the list. He has to be on the list. That man and his teleprompter (from which he gets all of his ideas and information) can sweep this thing in almost all categories too.
Its a shame that the emotional investment factor is going to power the politics vote. There will be no weighing of true douche in that category, only a measure of which partisans won an internet pee pee fight.
WTF is wrong with you people? As annoying as Rush can be, do you know who Arianna Huffington is? This twat is as anti-American as a person can be and SHE CANNOT EVEN SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE IN AN UNDERSTANDABLE MANNER! Next you'll think that Soros is a patriot. I'm going to go vomit now.
Just a heads up ... people who use all caps belong in the tournament. Usually people who hate America don't have political shows about American politics. By the way... stop in-breeding.
Republicans are the biggest douchebags due to the fact that they spam sports forums about politics. The country is moving left douchebags, learn to progress or your head will explode.
I'm a little shocked that the Fallon/Penn race is so close. Sure, Fallon is weak cheese but how can that compare to Penn's endless antics? Has everyone forgotten when he hopped into a boat to cruise the Katrina aftermath with a cameraman to chronicle the lack of help, motoring on by people in need of help with his cameraman taking up space that could have been used to save someone? Or that he used to rough up Madonna? (lol) Penn is such the epitome of douche, I could see him in the finals (losing to P Diddy).
Are people just voting for Fallon in some attempt to support Penn's current stand for gay rights?
Oh well. Blessed be the name of the game. If Penn has an ace up the sleeve then so be it. At least it will be funny to see Jimmy lose to him.
This is amazing, but i'm saddened that someone as dbaggish as TO would have to go up against Duke, i really hate duke and wish their dbaggery would win this damn thing. going to sulk. ho hum.
There are certainly PLENTY of douche bags in Religion. The Pope, the Catholic Church, Jim Baker, Ted Haggard, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, any televangelist to name a few.
Next year, you should definitely add a Religion category!
Who's the DOUCHEBAG brain trust that came up with THAT matchup?!? C'mon now...
It's like comparing a trained MONKEY who likes to throw his feces at people - Olbermann - to an actual PERSON who has actually accomplished something in her life! No match... not even close!
Now, if you did Olbermann vs. Maddow, THAT would be a better matchup between a "Manly-Girl" and a "Girly-Chimp"
Paris Palin should definitely be ranked higher... she is the epitome of douche. Olbermann is quite a douche in his own right, but not even close to Palin.
(65 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
March 19th, 2009 at 09:16 am
WOW. This is awesome.
March 19th, 2009 at 09:28 am
Nancy Pelosi = douchebag
PETA = douchebags
liberals = whiny douchebags
March 19th, 2009 at 09:42 am
Republicans who can't leave politics behind, EVER = enormous douchebags
March 19th, 2009 at 03:37 pm
liberals = whiny douchebags
March 19th, 2009 at 09:48 am
There are 8 Conservatives and 8 Liberals in the Politics Division. It's up to the voters now.
March 19th, 2009 at 09:46 am
I didn't see Obama on the list. He has to be on the list. That man and his teleprompter (from which he gets all of his ideas and information) can sweep this thing in almost all categories too.
March 19th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
totally fucking agree!!
March 19th, 2009 at 12:27 pm
I heard he wants to tax aspirin. Makes sense I guess after all it is white and it does work.
March 19th, 2009 at 03:36 pm
^^ best comment ever!!
March 19th, 2009 at 11:33 pm
He's too proud to pick the cotton out of the bottle.
October 26th, 2009 at 07:55 pm
"K-Fed" qualifies a pretty big douche-bag... but he's not on the list either.
March 19th, 2009 at 09:56 am
What about guys with frosted tips? Aren't they like the logo for douchebaggery?
March 19th, 2009 at 10:15 am
Where's "W"? He'd get the douchebag award for the past 4 years easily.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:24 am
He's in there. His "game" against Michael Moore starts tomorrow at noon.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:16 am
BB would make it to the playoffs no matter what bitch.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:19 am
Its a shame that the emotional investment factor is going to power the politics vote. There will be no weighing of true douche in that category, only a measure of which partisans won an internet pee pee fight.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:30 am
"It's not 1840, you pompous douchebag."
Olbermann....Taking Douchebaggery to a level that that other douche O'Reilly only dreamt about
March 19th, 2009 at 10:32 am
seacrest is lucky he got a draw against mega-douche chris brown...seacrest is one of the the top 5 douches today
March 19th, 2009 at 03:06 pm
I'm surprised he's such a low seed. Maybe its because he has no seed.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:33 am
Olberfag is not a douche and palin is???? What the hell is the matter with people????? He should suck Obamas dick (which he would gladly do)
March 19th, 2009 at 03:05 pm
No, No, NO, they're all douchebags, it's just one is bigger than the others.
March 19th, 2009 at 09:58 pm
I think your question mark sticks. You should get a new keyboard.
March 20th, 2009 at 04:23 am
That's great!
March 19th, 2009 at 10:40 am
WTF is wrong with you people? As annoying as Rush can be, do you know who Arianna Huffington is? This twat is as anti-American as a person can be and SHE CANNOT EVEN SPEAK OUR LANGUAGE IN AN UNDERSTANDABLE MANNER! Next you'll think that Soros is a patriot. I'm going to go vomit now.
March 19th, 2009 at 03:01 pm
A pig will always be a bigger douchebag compared to a twat.
March 19th, 2009 at 09:57 pm
Just a heads up ... people who use all caps belong in the tournament. Usually people who hate America don't have political shows about American politics. By the way... stop in-breeding.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:48 am
Republicans are the biggest douchebags due to the fact that they spam sports forums about politics. The country is moving left douchebags, learn to progress or your head will explode.
March 19th, 2009 at 03:34 pm
www.collegehumor.com/video:1889567
March 19th, 2009 at 07:39 pm
This is a sports forum?
March 19th, 2009 at 11:08 am
It really makes you think critically about these DOUCHEBAGS!
March 19th, 2009 at 11:17 am
Kudos to you guys, this is great.
March 19th, 2009 at 11:55 am
I'm a little shocked that the Fallon/Penn race is so close. Sure, Fallon is weak cheese but how can that compare to Penn's endless antics? Has everyone forgotten when he hopped into a boat to cruise the Katrina aftermath with a cameraman to chronicle the lack of help, motoring on by people in need of help with his cameraman taking up space that could have been used to save someone? Or that he used to rough up Madonna? (lol) Penn is such the epitome of douche, I could see him in the finals (losing to P Diddy).
Are people just voting for Fallon in some attempt to support Penn's current stand for gay rights?
Oh well. Blessed be the name of the game. If Penn has an ace up the sleeve then so be it. At least it will be funny to see Jimmy lose to him.
March 20th, 2009 at 04:42 am
Penn likes the cock
March 19th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
I love this tourni. Whoever came up with it is a god damned genious
March 19th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
lol. such jealousy over how lucky jimmy got with his new show. he got his own show so he's a douche bag?
what kind of fail thinking is that?
also shamwow guy is not a douche. I still don't see it. Billy Mays or however you say is name is more of a douche than shamwow guy.
March 19th, 2009 at 09:38 pm
Jimmy, is that you?
March 19th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
I grew up on Long Island, but I'm curious what you have against Buffalo?
March 19th, 2009 at 12:53 pm
If you look up "douchebag" in the dictionary, you will see a picture of Keith Olbermann. Douchebaggery at its douchiest.
March 19th, 2009 at 05:58 pm
When I look in my dictionary...there aren't any pictures at all.
Madoff is the biggest Douche. I agree that God should be on the list also...but not Jesus....he's just a cunt!
March 19th, 2009 at 09:37 pm
What kind of turd would try to look up douchebag in the dictionary.... Oh, sorry man. Didn't see you there.
March 19th, 2009 at 03:25 pm
This is amazing, but i'm saddened that someone as dbaggish as TO would have to go up against Duke, i really hate duke and wish their dbaggery would win this damn thing. going to sulk. ho hum.
March 19th, 2009 at 03:31 pm
I really hope TO wins, I would like to wipe my butt with his nose.
March 19th, 2009 at 04:22 pm
Why isn't God on the list, he's the biggest douchebag ever invented by the human race!
March 19th, 2009 at 05:02 pm
ah cool man, you're so awesome for writing this...
March 19th, 2009 at 05:35 pm
Dude, your so right, I never thought of it that way. I totally see what your talking about. I'm totally giving up religion after easter.
March 19th, 2009 at 06:20 pm
There are certainly PLENTY of douche bags in Religion. The Pope, the Catholic Church, Jim Baker, Ted Haggard, The Reverend Jesse Jackson, any televangelist to name a few.
Next year, you should definitely add a Religion category!
March 19th, 2009 at 04:59 pm
Olbermann vs. Palin? You gotta be kidding me!
Who's the DOUCHEBAG brain trust that came up with THAT matchup?!? C'mon now...
It's like comparing a trained MONKEY who likes to throw his feces at people - Olbermann - to an actual PERSON who has actually accomplished something in her life! No match... not even close!
Now, if you did Olbermann vs. Maddow, THAT would be a better matchup between a "Manly-Girl" and a "Girly-Chimp"
Peace Out Y'all!
March 19th, 2009 at 06:03 pm
Douchebag.
March 19th, 2009 at 07:10 pm
Second that. The people that voted Palin a bigger douchebag than Olbermann are a bunch of cocksuckers.
March 19th, 2009 at 09:35 pm
Paris Palin should definitely be ranked higher... she is the epitome of douche. Olbermann is quite a douche in his own right, but not even close to Palin.
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