And now, onto day two's match-ups. Voting ends Monday March 23th at 12:00 noon EST. Results will be posted shortly after voting ends.
Vote on who's the bigger douche. You can vote as many times as you want. Just refresh the page and vote again.
(2) Joaquin Phoenix
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
There's rumors that Joaquin's new mumbling, bearded persona is some sort of prank. I'm not sure what would make him a bigger douchebag, actually doing what he's doing, or pretending to be doing what he's doing.
VS
(15) The Shamwow Guy
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Why are infomercial salesman so popular now? I bought the Shamwow and you know what? It sucks.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) Barry Bonds What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Aside from being a complete and total asshole to anyone and everyone who came near him, he (allegedly) lied about taking steroids, even though his body and head grew to sizes normally reserved for a Lord Of The Rings film. And after several perjury hearings and investigations, he let his friend go to jail for him. Any time you let someone face the possibility of daily ass rapings, you’re a douche.
VS
(15) David Beckham
What Makes Him A Douchebag: He vowed to make soccer popular in America, then after he realized that was never going to happen he organized a deal where he could play here as little as possible. That coupled with the fact that he spends more time shopping then he does actually playing, solidifies his status as an underwear modeling, sometimes soccer playing douche.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) AIG
What Makes It A Douchebag:
After receiving it’s first $70 billion in bailout money, AIG executives spent $500,000 to take a luxury Santa Barbara vacation. And last week it was revealed that after taking more than $170 billion in taxpayer money AIG paid out $165 million in bonuses to the very people who gambled the entire company away. Hey AIG, suck my balls.
VS
(15) Steve Ballmer
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
No one has ever seen this guy calm or quiet. Except maybe when looking at Google’s stock price, Zune sales, Vista complaints and Justice Department subpoenas.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) Rob Blagojevich
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Seriously. Who thinks that they can sell a senate seat? Who does that? The city of Chicago and the state of Illinois have been plagued by political corruption for decades, to the point that it’s become a fully acknowledged joke about the state’s political climate. In subsequent interviews following his impeachment, it’s pretty obvious that “Blago” is completely insane. He doesn’t think that he did anything wrong, and is incredibly full of himself. That’s basically the definition of douchebaggery.
VS
(15) Glenn Beck
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Glenn Beck has his own well-known brand of double-chinned douchebaggery, but what most people don't know is that he's also converted to Mormonism when he was an adult. Which means someone asked him to join their cult that baptize dead people and believe Jesus was hanging out in the West in the 1800s and he said, "Sounds great, where do I sign up?"
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) P-Diddy
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
If your entire music career is based around buying someone else’s incredibly popular song, playing it back exactly as it was originally recorded, and then putting your own crappy, mumbly, pretentious lyrics over it, you’re probably a douchebag. If you’ve changed your crappy nickname three times in your career, and actually sued someone over the rights to call yourself “Diddy”, then you’re probably a douchebag. If you’ve profited immensely off of the death of your popular rapper friend, then you’re definitely a douchebag. While Diddy’s legitimacy is severely in question, one thing is for sure: P-Diddy is a douchebag force to be reckoned with.
VS
(10) Axl Rose
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Even though Axl was only one member of the original Guns N’ Roses, and even though the band’s name was derived from two band members (Axl Rose and Tracii Guns), Axl decided that, after disappearing for 10-15 years of public absence, it would be okay for Guns N’ Roses to re-emerge on the scene. The only problem was that Axl got an entirely new band, thereby eliminating the “Guns” element of Guns N’ Roses. If you’re a rockstar, and your other douche rockstar friends think you’re too much of a douche to work with, then you have serious douche issues.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) Curt Schilling
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
OK, Curt, we get it. You love to blog about your opinions and you like Jesus. That's fine. But the problem is, no one wants to hear what a baseball pitcher thinks about stem cell research. Please stop.
VS
(10) Jerry Jones
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
His ego won't let him not stick his facelifted face into every Cowboys game. I don't watch football to see 75-year-old men meandering on the sidelines and high-fiving players like he made seven tackles and a game-winning interception. Jerry, let coaches coach, let players play, and let owners sit in a luxury box.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) Jim Cramer
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Boo-ya! If you want to make money in the stock market do exactly the opposite of whatever Jim Cramer recommends. If you don’t believe us just ask Jon Stewart to show you one of any hundred videos where Cramer recommend something that was worthless months, weeks or even days later (cough...Bear Stearns...cough).
VS
(10) Henry Paulson
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
This guy basically slipped a piece of paper, or maybe it was two pieces, to congress saying that said he needed 750 billion dollars by the end of the week, no questions asked and whatever he did with the money was up to him. And if they didn't give him the money the entire world would implode. The kicker is it friggin worked and they gave him the cash. Also, by agreeing to become Treasury Secretary he was “forced” to sell $570 million dollars worth of Goldman Sachs stock, one time only...completely tax free.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) George Bush
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Hmmmm, let’s see. We really don’t have to go down the list of douchey things he did, do we? Okay, let’s just highlight some more fantastic douchecomplishments: Starting a shitty war, overseeing an enormous economic collapse, and generally making us look like a dumbass to the rest of the world. As if Nicholas Cage movies weren’t doing a good enough job of that.
VS
(10) Michael Moore
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
This “freedom fighter” pulls together every clip he can find that supports his point, then puts it into a movie and calls it a “documentary.” On top of that, he’s notoriously asshole-ish to work for, and spends his days in a multimillion dollar apartment in New York, even though he’s TOTALLY blue collar, right?
I think it's cooler that he used to be a scientologist. He's like John Preston from Equilibrium, he used to be a Grammaton Cleric but then he turned around and brought down Father and the rest of the Tetragrammaton Council of Libria. In summation, Vince Offer = WIN
The ShamWow guy's name is Vince Offer. I know this because I have vowed to destory him. I hate him. Also, he is a former Scientologist... Now, before you praise him, thinking he saw the error of his ways, he left the 'church' claiming they are out to kill him... The only person I hate more than Vince Offer is Billy Maze. Why do you always yell at me Billy? WHY??!!
P. Diddy does suck, but Axl Rose destroyed one of the greatest rock bands ever with his douchebaggery. Let's not forget when James Hetfield burned his face beyond recognition, Al refused to play just because. This led to massive riots by pissed off concert goers and rightfully so. And let's not forget the ginger hair corn rows...come on.
I dont know, Michael Moore is somewhat douchy but he fails to excel to Dubya's level of douchebaggery. To say Michael Moore is a bigger douche is like comparing the your childhood bully to say Stalin. One may be a big fat phony but you would need to pay for a ticket to suffer the consequences of his douchebaggery. We all(the world) got screwed by Dubya.
It's more that W had the power that allowed his douchery affect more people. I don't know if that makes him a bigger douchebag, or just a more influential one...
Bush supporters should be in the bracket against Bush. I don't know what's worse, one douche screwing us over for the next decade or the millions of douches who applaud and praise him for it. Michael Moore is a huge douche, but compared to W? Come on, it's a no-brainer.
I think there is an important distinction to make here. Michael Moore is a prime example of a douchebag. In fact, he may actually be the perfect douche. George W. Bush, on the other hand, is the greatest assclown the world has ever known. If this were an assclown competition, W. wins in a landslide.
Moore lies so much its really funny! Like in bowling for columbine. ALso, he harrassed an old man (charlton Heston). Hey Michael Moore, go fuck yourself!
Yeah! Damn him for bothering that senile old gun lover, he should have spent his time bombing the living crap out of five generations of pesky foreigners in the name of cheap oil!
Duke and Bill Belichick already lost? They both should have been top 5 seeds in the Sports Bracket. I'm just not sure I can have faith in these results now.
Jimmy Fallon out in the first round? I had him as a favorite to reach the final 4 and be right up there with AIG/Madoff and GW Bush to win the whole thing. Nobody has ever laughed with Jimmy Fallon, only AT him because he's such a giant douche. how NBC gave him his own show I will never know. Sean Penn cares about real issues and has acting skill. Jimmy Fallon couldn't act his way out of a paper bag
Lets not forget that this is all about douchebaggery. It is possible to like one person more than the other even if they are hands down the bigger douchebag. Don't vote for who you hate ... vote for the bigger douche.
Yes, I'm telling you to vote with your mind, not your heart >cough<
YOU obviously have no clue. Fascism is and always has been a derivative of leftist philosophy. Mussolini more or less started fascism singlehandedly, precisely because communism was NOT left-wing enough for his tastes. Nazis were NOT fascists and hated them, although they too were very left-wing.
You can find this in pretty much any historical text, although for laymen (as you obviously are on this subject) Jonah Goldberg does a great job of dumbing it down in "Liberal Fascism."
wait wait wait. so because the shamwow sucks, the shamwow GUY is a douchebag? looks like whatever the author decides he doesn't like, he attaches some face we all know of to it and that person is now a douchebag.
(1277 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
March 20th, 2009 at 09:22 am
Did Michael Moore promise to not stop eating until Flint, MI's economy rebounded, or is he just saving up to shit out his next "documentary"?
March 20th, 2009 at 09:29 am
You gotta respect the Shamwow guy, he's fighting the Scientologists! Uncontested douchebags of the world.
March 20th, 2009 at 09:30 am
But we can't forget that he WAS a Scientologist.
March 20th, 2009 at 10:02 am
I think it's cooler that he used to be a scientologist. He's like John Preston from Equilibrium, he used to be a Grammaton Cleric but then he turned around and brought down Father and the rest of the Tetragrammaton Council of Libria. In summation, Vince Offer = WIN
March 20th, 2009 at 10:14 am
you need to get outside
March 20th, 2009 at 10:43 am
yeah, you're probably right.
March 20th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Ah, but Equilibrium sucked. Therefore your comparison may be damning. (but gunfu was a cool aspect so maybe I will buy a shamwow)
March 20th, 2009 at 09:30 am
The ShamWow guy's name is Vince Offer. I know this because I have vowed to destory him. I hate him. Also, he is a former Scientologist... Now, before you praise him, thinking he saw the error of his ways, he left the 'church' claiming they are out to kill him... The only person I hate more than Vince Offer is Billy Maze. Why do you always yell at me Billy? WHY??!!
March 20th, 2009 at 09:33 am
I personally want to see a final round matchup between Michael Moore and Bernie Madoff. Although, i think madoff is a shoe in to win the whole thing.
March 21st, 2009 at 12:34 pm
I think Madoff will go far but my vote is on AIG. Michael Moore would have done sooo much better not being paired up against Bush first round.
March 20th, 2009 at 09:38 am
I dont care what any one says, michael moore is the biggest douche in the universe.
March 20th, 2009 at 09:48 am
Michael Moore really is up there in Douchebaggeryness. Damn I wish Barney Frank was in there - he and Michael Moore even look and talk alike.
March 20th, 2009 at 09:56 am
LMAO, that pic of Micheal Moore just screams "I qweefed and it smells like lavender!"
March 20th, 2009 at 09:58 am
P. Diddy does suck, but Axl Rose destroyed one of the greatest rock bands ever with his douchebaggery. Let's not forget when James Hetfield burned his face beyond recognition, Al refused to play just because. This led to massive riots by pissed off concert goers and rightfully so. And let's not forget the ginger hair corn rows...come on.
March 20th, 2009 at 10:00 am
I dont know, Michael Moore is somewhat douchy but he fails to excel to Dubya's level of douchebaggery. To say Michael Moore is a bigger douche is like comparing the your childhood bully to say Stalin. One may be a big fat phony but you would need to pay for a ticket to suffer the consequences of his douchebaggery. We all(the world) got screwed by Dubya.
March 20th, 2009 at 10:19 am
It's more that W had the power that allowed his douchery affect more people. I don't know if that makes him a bigger douchebag, or just a more influential one...
March 20th, 2009 at 10:22 am
its this kind of shit that just screams the end of the world is here
March 20th, 2009 at 11:22 am
You know god damn well that all the bush supporters are voting over and over again like mad.
March 20th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
Bush supporters should be in the bracket against Bush. I don't know what's worse, one douche screwing us over for the next decade or the millions of douches who applaud and praise him for it. Michael Moore is a huge douche, but compared to W? Come on, it's a no-brainer.
March 20th, 2009 at 11:28 am
I think there is an important distinction to make here. Michael Moore is a prime example of a douchebag. In fact, he may actually be the perfect douche. George W. Bush, on the other hand, is the greatest assclown the world has ever known. If this were an assclown competition, W. wins in a landslide.
March 20th, 2009 at 10:03 am
how the f is moore beating bush? how many people are dead because of him?
March 20th, 2009 at 10:45 am
Micheal Moore bombed Team America's Headquarters! Unforgivable!
March 20th, 2009 at 10:15 am
paulson beating Cramer? Cramer?! have you ever watched this guy's "show" or listened to him for more than 5 minutes? Cramer wishes he was Paulson.
March 20th, 2009 at 10:35 am
When will the Dutch bag awards happen...this is just getting me soooooo excited!
March 20th, 2009 at 10:46 am
Moore lies so much its really funny! Like in bowling for columbine. ALso, he harrassed an old man (charlton Heston). Hey Michael Moore, go fuck yourself!
March 20th, 2009 at 01:00 pm
Yeah! Damn him for bothering that senile old gun lover, he should have spent his time bombing the living crap out of five generations of pesky foreigners in the name of cheap oil!
March 20th, 2009 at 07:30 pm
I like your style fucker. We should be butt buddies.
March 21st, 2009 at 04:17 am
Cool, I like women who know what they like!
March 20th, 2009 at 10:52 am
Taco, the only thing to make this whole tourney better, is if it were officially sponsored by Summer's Eve. That would be the icing on the cake.
March 20th, 2009 at 11:21 am
Trust me, we tried.
March 20th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Duke and Bill Belichick already lost? They both should have been top 5 seeds in the Sports Bracket. I'm just not sure I can have faith in these results now.
March 20th, 2009 at 11:01 am
Jimmy Fallon out in the first round? I had him as a favorite to reach the final 4 and be right up there with AIG/Madoff and GW Bush to win the whole thing. Nobody has ever laughed with Jimmy Fallon, only AT him because he's such a giant douche. how NBC gave him his own show I will never know. Sean Penn cares about real issues and has acting skill. Jimmy Fallon couldn't act his way out of a paper bag
March 20th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Sean Pinn is a the biggest tool on the planet his views on everything is ridicolous, right up there moore... Just my opinion
March 20th, 2009 at 11:22 am
So many douche bags......so few votes available.
March 20th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Lets not forget that this is all about douchebaggery. It is possible to like one person more than the other even if they are hands down the bigger douchebag. Don't vote for who you hate ... vote for the bigger douche.
Yes, I'm telling you to vote with your mind, not your heart >cough<
March 20th, 2009 at 11:27 am
P. Diddy is riding a waverunner in a tuxedo in his latest commerical for his new 'premium' vodka.
nough said.
March 20th, 2009 at 11:37 am
I think vince from shamwow is a cool guy....could be like steve buscemi in movies I bet... whereas Billy Mayes from oxyclean is awful
March 20th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
Shamwow guy is more of a tool than a douche but I still voted for him.
March 20th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
The biggest douche on the list is moore!!
but like left wing liberal Nazis he pass to the next round.
he he he
March 20th, 2009 at 02:16 pm
You obviously have no clue about the political spectrum, Nazis are fascists which puts them on the far right, not the left!
March 20th, 2009 at 03:01 pm
YOU obviously have no clue. Fascism is and always has been a derivative of leftist philosophy. Mussolini more or less started fascism singlehandedly, precisely because communism was NOT left-wing enough for his tastes. Nazis were NOT fascists and hated them, although they too were very left-wing.
You can find this in pretty much any historical text, although for laymen (as you obviously are on this subject) Jonah Goldberg does a great job of dumbing it down in "Liberal Fascism."
March 20th, 2009 at 03:07 pm
Hey Strauss, your thinking of reactionary you dumbass. Read a book
March 20th, 2009 at 03:07 pm
Shit! You're right, I apologize! I am going to kill myself now.
March 20th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
All you fucking fratboys who think Bush isn't the bigger douche- are douches yourselves.
March 20th, 2009 at 01:20 pm
Remain in this square next turn sleeping it off.
March 20th, 2009 at 01:04 pm
ha why was Richard Branson on the list?
March 20th, 2009 at 01:21 pm
Wheres Dane Cook?
He should have been at least a 4 seed.
March 20th, 2009 at 05:21 pm
He's here man. He's seeded like 12th or something. It sucks because he is going to get killed by Octo-mom
March 20th, 2009 at 02:18 pm
wait wait wait. so because the shamwow sucks, the shamwow GUY is a douchebag? looks like whatever the author decides he doesn't like, he attaches some face we all know of to it and that person is now a douchebag.
the creator of this list is a douchebag.
March 20th, 2009 at 02:21 pm
your a douchebag
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