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2009 Douchebag Tournament Round 1, Day 2

Welcome to day two of HolyTaco’s 2009 Douchebag Tournament. Before we get to today’s matchups, here are the results from yesterday’s games.
(1) Chris Brown 75.3%
(16) Ryan Seacrest  24.7%
(1) Alex Rodriguez 64%
(16) Bill Belichick 36%
(1) Bernie Madoff 88.6%
(16) Richard Branson 11.4%
(1) Rush Limbaugh 73.5%
(16) Arianna Huffington 26.5%
(8) CEOs of the Big Three Automakers 67.9%
(9) Jimmy Cayne 32.1%
(8) Sean Penn 51.9%
(9) Jimmy Fallon 48.1% (A squeaker!)
(8) Terrell Owens 56.6%
(9) Duke University 43.4%
(9) Sarah Palin 58.7%
(8) Keith Olbermann 41.3%
And now, onto day two’s match-ups. Voting ends Monday March 23th at 12:00 noon EST. Results will be posted shortly after voting ends.
Vote on who’s the bigger douche. You can vote as many times as you want. Just refresh the page and vote again.
(2) Joaquin Phoenix
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
There’s rumors that Joaquin’s new mumbling, bearded persona is some sort of prank. I’m not sure what would make him a bigger douchebag, actually doing what he’s doing, or pretending to be doing what he’s doing.
(15) The Shamwow Guy
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Why are infomercial salesman so popular now? I bought the Shamwow and you know what? It sucks.
 (Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) Barry Bonds
What Makes Him A Douchebag:  
Aside from being a complete and total asshole to anyone and everyone who came near him, he (allegedly) lied about taking steroids, even though his body and head grew to sizes normally reserved for a Lord Of The Rings film. And after several perjury hearings and investigations, he let his friend go to jail for him. Any time you let someone face the possibility of daily ass rapings, you’re a douche.

(15) David Beckham
What Makes Him A Douchebag: 
He vowed to make soccer popular in America, then after he realized that was never going to happen he organized a deal where he could play here as little as possible.  That coupled with the fact that he spends more time shopping then he does actually playing, solidifies his status as an underwear modeling, sometimes soccer playing douche.
 (Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)

(2) AIG
What Makes It A Douchebag:
After receiving it’s first $70 billion in bailout money, AIG executives spent $500,000 to take a luxury Santa Barbara vacation. And last week it was revealed that after taking more than $170 billion in taxpayer money AIG paid out $165 million in bonuses to the very people who gambled the entire company away. Hey AIG, suck my balls.
(15) Steve Ballmer
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
No one has ever seen this guy calm or quiet. Except maybe when looking at Google’s stock price, Zune sales, Vista complaints and Justice Department subpoenas.
 (Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) Rob Blagojevich
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Seriously. Who thinks that they can sell a senate seat? Who does that? The city of Chicago and the state of Illinois have been plagued by political corruption for decades, to the point that it’s become a fully acknowledged joke about the state’s political climate. In subsequent interviews following his impeachment, it’s pretty obvious that “Blago” is completely insane. He doesn’t think that he did anything wrong, and is incredibly full of himself. That’s basically the definition of douchebaggery.
(15) Glenn Beck
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Glenn Beck has his own well-known brand of double-chinned douchebaggery, but what most people don’t know is that he’s also converted to Mormonism when he was an adult. Which means someone asked him to join their cult that baptize dead people and believe Jesus was hanging out in the West in the 1800s and he said, "Sounds great, where do I sign up?"
 (Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) P-Diddy
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
If your entire music career is based around buying someone else’s incredibly popular song, playing it back exactly as it was originally recorded, and then putting your own crappy, mumbly, pretentious lyrics over it, you’re probably a douchebag. If you’ve changed your crappy nickname three times in your career, and actually sued someone over the rights to call yourself “Diddy”, then you’re probably a douchebag. If you’ve profited immensely off of the death of your popular rapper friend, then you’re definitely a douchebag. While Diddy’s legitimacy is severely in question, one thing is for sure: P-Diddy is a douchebag force to be reckoned with.
(10) Axl Rose
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Even though Axl was only one member of the original Guns N’ Roses, and even though the band’s name was derived from two band members (Axl Rose and Tracii Guns), Axl decided that, after disappearing for 10-15 years of public absence, it would be okay for Guns N’ Roses to re-emerge on the scene. The only problem was that Axl got an entirely new band, thereby eliminating the “Guns” element of Guns N’ Roses. If you’re a rockstar, and your other douche rockstar friends think you’re too much of a douche to work with, then you have serious douche issues.
 (Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) Curt Schilling
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
OK, Curt, we get it. You love to blog about your opinions and you like Jesus. That’s fine. But the problem is, no one wants to hear what a baseball pitcher thinks about stem cell research. Please stop.
(10) Jerry Jones
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
His ego won’t let him not stick his facelifted face into every Cowboys game. I don’t watch football to see 75-year-old men meandering on the sidelines and high-fiving players like he made seven tackles and a game-winning interception. Jerry, let coaches coach, let players play, and let owners sit in a luxury box.
 (Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) Jim Cramer
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Boo-ya!  If you want to make money in the stock market do exactly the opposite of whatever Jim Cramer recommends. If you don’t believe us just ask Jon Stewart to show you one of any hundred videos where Cramer recommend something that was worthless months, weeks or even days later (cough…Bear Stearns…cough).
(10) Henry Paulson
What Makes Him A Douchebag:

This guy basically slipped a piece of paper, or maybe it was two pieces, to congress saying that said he needed 750 billion dollars by the end of the week, no questions asked and whatever he did with the money was up to him. And if they didn’t give him the money the entire world would implode. The kicker is it friggin worked and they gave him the cash. Also, by agreeing to become Treasury Secretary he was “forced” to sell $570 million dollars worth of Goldman Sachs stock, one time only…completely tax free.

 (Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) George Bush
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Hmmmm, let’s see. We really don’t have to go down the list of douchey things he did, do we? Okay, let’s just highlight some more fantastic douchecomplishments: Starting a shitty war, overseeing an enormous economic collapse, and generally making us look like a dumbass to the rest of the world. As if Nicholas Cage movies weren’t doing a good enough job of that.
(10) Michael Moore
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
This “freedom fighter” pulls together every clip he can find that supports his point, then puts it into a movie and calls it a “documentary.” On top of that, he’s notoriously asshole-ish to work for, and spends his days in a multimillion dollar apartment in New York, even though he’s TOTALLY blue collar, right?
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)

166 Responses to "2009 Douchebag Tournament Round 1, Day 2"

  1. Penis says:

    Bush is pulling ahead.

    I kinda wish Moore wasnt seeded directly against Bush. He is an underrated, collosal douchebag but it won’t be enough against a douchebag juggernaut such as W.

  2. JT says:

    What he said.

  3. Paul says:

    Micheal Moore bombed Team America’s Headquarters! Unforgivable!

  4. Anonymous says:

    Moore lies so much its really funny! Like in bowling for columbine. ALso, he harrassed an old man (charlton Heston). Hey Michael Moore, go fuck yourself!

  5. Lymon Bostock says:

    Can we have Steve added to the play-in game?

  6. Dom says:

    Taco, the only thing to make this whole tourney better, is if it were officially sponsored by Summer’s Eve. That would be the icing on the cake.

  7. Justin Timberlake says:

    It’s a simple equation really. Take America’s fear of terrorism, combine with the number of U.N. resolutions Saddam broke in between the first gulf war and 2003, throw in the need for the U.S. to keep the distribution of the worlds oil supply stable, add in the “intelligence” provided by every major countries spy division relating to chemical weapons in Saddam’s possession, multiply by Saddam’s celebration of 9/11 and the answer = invade Iraq and overturn government.

    This is not an endorsement of the war or a condemnation of the war. Now back to my girlfriend Jessica Beil.

  8. Paul says:

    Kinda missmatched, moore should go to the next round, but the hatred of bush is to much.. Should of matched moore with someone else.

  9. Paul says:

    Fuck Taco, this is getting heated.. hope this is annual, I’m enjoying all the site hits and opinions… Put taco on the map.

  10. Jan says:

    Cool, I like women who know what they like!

  11. Anonymous says:

    TG, I vote for you as the biggest douchebag of all four brackets, you douche.

  12. cory says:
    This is definitely a yearly tournament. And I can’t believe what I woke up to. Blago was killing Beck last night, but now Glenn is up by 20%. Bush is pulling away and Shamwow is STILL leading Joaquin. The NCAA had a lot of upsets last night, looks like Day 2 of the Douchebag Tourney might be the same. I fucking love this tournament.
  13. Anonymous says:

    your a douchebag

  14. Penis says:

    Saddam, Kurds, Iran, almighty US military, Iran, Afganistan, 50 year old missles, Manny Noriega, “now ‘a’ days”, beef, farmland, rainforests, Oxycotin, heroin, nicotine, genetically engineered vegetables, and feeding antibiotics to livestock.


  15. Ookla the Mok says:

    Lets not forget that this is all about douchebaggery. It is possible to like one person more than the other even if they are hands down the bigger douchebag. Don’t vote for who you hate … vote for the bigger douche.
    Yes, I’m telling you to vote with your mind, not your heart >cough<

  16. Anonymous says:

    P. Diddy is riding a waverunner in a tuxedo in his latest commerical for his new ‘premium’ vodka.

    nough said.

  17. Anonymous says:

    have you seen the commercial? i dont care if the shamwow was the most efficient cleaning tool ever created, the guy would still be a douchebag.

  18. America-FUCK YEAH! says:

    Yeah! Damn him for bothering that senile old gun lover, he should have spent his time bombing the living crap out of five generations of pesky foreigners in the name of cheap oil!

  19. Anonymous says:

    ha why was Richard Branson on the list?

  20. Nick says:

    You know what’s amazing? You know what’s really telling?

    Obama isn’t anywhere in the running. You lib douchebags love your sainted leader so much that (even though he insults disabled people and poor people and minorities) you don’t even include him in the bracket.

    Fellate your Glorious Leader. He will cure all your diseases, heal all your conditions, and pay all your mortgages…unless the TelePrompTer tells him otherwise.

  21. Sociosquatch says:

    All you fucking fratboys who think Bush isn’t the bigger douche- are douches yourselves.

  22. Anonymous says:

    This is going up on one of those “meta-retarded” internet comments websites… I can’t even start on this so don’t ask, but I’ll probably submit it to cracked.com. Thanks Nick! Your blatant stupidity has made my laugh. Hehehehehe.

  23. Dom says:

    You need some pussy!

  24. John Strauss says:

    There is only one way to fix everything. We need to install concentration camps and throw all the pinko commie liberal pieces of shit in there and gas them all to death. Its the only way!

  25. John Strauss says:

    You obviously have no clue about the political spectrum, Nazis are fascists which puts them on the far right, not the left!

  26. JT says:

    I am a cock licker and I like barka Obompi.

  27. David says:

    Jimmy Fallon out in the first round? I had him as a favorite to reach the final 4 and be right up there with AIG/Madoff and GW Bush to win the whole thing. Nobody has ever laughed with Jimmy Fallon, only AT him because he’s such a giant douche. how NBC gave him his own show I will never know. Sean Penn cares about real issues and has acting skill. Jimmy Fallon couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag

  28. Nick says:

    YOU obviously have no clue. Fascism is and always has been a derivative of leftist philosophy. Mussolini more or less started fascism singlehandedly, precisely because communism was NOT left-wing enough for his tastes. Nazis were NOT fascists and hated them, although they too were very left-wing.

    You can find this in pretty much any historical text, although for laymen (as you obviously are on this subject) Jonah Goldberg does a great job of dumbing it down in “Liberal Fascism.”

  29. elwoodinontario says:

    Whoever wins will getr their ass handed to them next round. Both are pains in the ass, but minor ones.

  30. Penis says:

    Shamwow guy is going to upset Jaoquin Phoenix!!!


  31. Sociosquatch says:

    You suck. Maybe you have the same haircut as shamwow guy

  32. DUB YA says:

    The biggest douche on the list is moore!!
    but like left wing liberal Nazis he pass to the next round.
    he he he

  33. bigdog says:

    It’s called drunken rambling.

  34. Cop says:

    pools closed, steve

  35. bigdog says:

    The late returns are in, and it appears that George W. Bush is a major fucking Douche bag.

  36. TG says:

    Fuck….. How many people voting for any douchebaggery have looked in the mirror?

    So Saddam is dead. Whoopie fucking doo. He deserved to die for what he did to Kurds and Iranians huh? Where is the almighty US military planning to go? Hmmmm, Iran looks good. Afganistan is just a pock mark anyway, there’s 50 year old missiles somewhere we haven’t used up yet.

    Let’s resurrect Manuel Noriega so American troops don’t have to travel so far. It all about convenience now ‘a’ days isn’t it.

    Let’s eat some more beef. It takes 30% of the world’s useable farmland to farm beef, so we’ll just keep chopping down the rainforest to make room. The rest of the world can get by eating insects. Take some more drugs… Oxycontin has the same effects as heroin, and is even more addictive. Smoke some some more synthesized nicotine. Let’s eat more genetically engineered vegetables, because all the antibiotics we’re feeding to livestock is screwing up the rest of the food supply.

  37. Anonymous says:

    wait wait wait. so because the shamwow sucks, the shamwow GUY is a douchebag? looks like whatever the author decides he doesn’t like, he attaches some face we all know of to it and that person is now a douchebag.

    the creator of this list is a douchebag.

  38. America-FUCK YEAH! says:


  39. Anonymous says:

    Iraq used WMDs on the Kurds and against Iran. Yeah, and Reagan and Bush the smarter were so distraught at the time that it almost interrupted their golf game.

  40. Sociosquatch says:

    Shamwow guy is more of a tool than a douche but I still voted for him.

  41. cory says:
    Trust me, we tried.
  42. church says:

    goddamn man. these comments give me HOPE. that equilibrium/gunfu shit… i fucking lul’d! also i never knew so many people hated the shamwow guy! fucking A fellas, just CHANGE the damn channel! … and also… octomom ftw!

  43. Paul says:

    Its our culture really.. I know america seems like the bad guy alot of times, and sometimes we are misguided. But if you ever watch american commercials and ads, there is alot of of organizations to help people, which could be needy children in africa, or little timmy’s heart… Regardless we like to help people, even thought we all hate each other for the most part (just look at the law suits we file against each other) And when people like Saddam, who do mass genocide, we think we have to stop it.. While I agree as much as the next person going into Iraq had all the wrong motivations, the world is a better place since he is gone, and in the long run, will save lives, even though it may not be our own. But thats why, IMO.

  44. Penis says:

    The world would be such a better place if the assassins guild from “Wanted” picked off all the people on this list.

    Am I right?

  45. Nick says:

    You anti-Bush people are the douchebags. Kept us safe after 9/11, took down a dictator AND the Taliban, and kept our economy up after inheriting Clinton’s recession and floated debt (which he has the gall to call a “surplus” even though a freshman-level Econ major could tell you the difference).

    Sure, he failed in some areas–not kicking out all the illegals, failing to reform social security, and allowing the democrats to ruin the economy–but he’s certainly better than an idiot who gives the British PM defective DVDs and insults disabled people on Leno.

    Typical liberal asses. Sit around your bong-water-reeking dorm room all day posting “damn the man” or reasonable facsimiles thereof on random worthless internet sites. When you grow up and join the real world (and become conservative) we’ll be waiting.

  46. Anonymous says:

    Hey Strauss, your thinking of reactionary you dumbass. Read a book

  47. John Strauss says:

    Shit! You’re right, I apologize! I am going to kill myself now.

  48. Libertarian stepping on your neck says:

    Iraq used WMDs on the Kurds and against Iran. Thats something all Bush haters like to forget. One of the things that spurred the UN to send weapons inspectors there was the fact that Iraq could not prove they had disposed of said weapons.
    Also, Halliburton was used by the previous 2 admins. Not the evil empire tool you make them out to be.
    I could go on and on with the refutation but I know it would make no difference in your view.
    I rarely reply to wanna-be intellectuals when I see them online, but you needed a dose of truth if even just a little.
    Bush is no winner but lets stick to facts please.

  49. Steve says:

    I don’t normally browse opinion forums but I noticed this one is all about politics. I know Saddam was a dickhead but I want to know why Americans hated him so much. Please reply.

  50. Maple Hyrup says:

    When will the Dutch bag awards happen…this is just getting me soooooo excited!

  51. Anonymous says:

    Wheres Dane Cook?
    He should have been at least a 4 seed.

  52. Paul says:

    Sean Pinn is a the biggest tool on the planet his views on everything is ridicolous, right up there moore… Just my opinion

  53. Penis says:

    He’s here man. He’s seeded like 12th or something. It sucks because he is going to get killed by Octo-mom

  54. Crunkenstein says:

    Keep living in your dream world, buddy…in the real world, GWB and his horrendous administration were an unmitigated disaster. For starters, they left us spread too thin militarily–in the resulting power vacuum, the Chinese and the Iranians and even the goddamn North Koreans are screwing with us because they know we cannot do a single thing about it.

    I don’t know what you have been smoking, but I really want to take a hit of that bomb nug. GWB came into office with a surplus from the Clinton days, turned that surplus into an enormous deficit, and left amidst a breathtaking financial meltdown that he did NEXT TO NOTHING to stop (smells like Katrina). The recession has gotten so bad that the next administration has had to borrow ungodly sums of money just to try and help the economy recover to a serviceable enough level. If we’re lucky and it does recover, then we have ages of debt repayment, with the majority of that money paying for the initial deficit, caused by Halliburton’s “nation building” exercise in Iraq–a country that never attacked us and did not even have the WMDs, the supposed cause of the war.

    Now the USA is in the poor house, and we can thank your golden boy, an ape-man who should never have governed a state, let alone the world’s now-former superpower. If we get out of this mess, it’s definitely NOT going to be thanks to the assholes in the Republican party.

    I rarely reply to idiocy when I see it online, but you actually made me throw up in my mouth just a little. Michael Moore may be a serious douche (even this lib will admit it), but GWB goes down as one of the biggest douches in world history. If I see that chimp asshole smirk one more time, my head just might explode.

  55. Ookla the Mok says:

    Remain in this square next turn sleeping it off.

  56. uglysexy says:
    I think vince from shamwow is a cool guy….could be like steve buscemi in movies I bet… whereas Billy Mayes from oxyclean is awful
  57. TG says:

    No, it’s the Obama hate train that needs their tickets checked.

  58. Youre a dumbass says:

    You have no idea what you are talking about. We dont stop genocide unless there’s something in it for us or it involves other white people. Look at Rwanda and Darfur. And when Saddam was actually committing genocide in the 80s, we knew it was happening and did nothing. Using genocide as an excuse for this invasion is a retroactive argument and ultimately complete bullshit. “Hey, Saddam committed genocide FIFTEEN years ago….let’s go make him pay!” Not saying he wasn’t a total douche, but we did NOTHING, repeat, NOTHING to stop his genocide while he was actually committing it.

  59. Hexter19 says:

    So many douche bags……so few votes available.

  60. JT says:

    I vote that anyone who makes every comment discussion overly political gets their IP address banned. Anyone else like this idea? Fuck you and your politically sensitive ass.

  61. Anonymous says:

    yeah, tell ‘em

  62. Ron says:

    Kept the economy up after Clinton’s recession? What the fuck do you call what were in now then? If you’re going to blame Clinton for that then how the fuck do you get off thinking bush was better for the shit storm were in now?

  63. Anonymous says:

    paulson beating Cramer? Cramer?! have you ever watched this guy’s “show” or listened to him for more than 5 minutes? Cramer wishes he was Paulson.

  64. Crunkenstein says:

    I like your style fucker. We should be butt buddies.

  65. Anonymous says:

    how the f is moore beating bush? how many people are dead because of him?

  66. SUGOB says:

    We all died a little in that war. It’s in the genes. Dubya’s daddy started WWII by bombing and strafing Pearl Harbor and on liberty repeatedly raped Jabba the Gut’s mother Mikala Moore for a nickel a shot. The sons of Nipon were just trying to protect the indigenous peoples of Hawaii so later dinkleberry would have a place to call home.

  67. Sociosquatch says:

    TG, this website isn’t FOR granolas like you.

  68. TG says:

    Right… And you’re on top of the idiot bandwagon. Have another $10 dollar frappucino…. It replaces the ability you’ve lost to think.

  69. Penis says:

    I have no idea who or what this rant is directed to. None of these things have anything to do with eachother.

  70. Louie says:

    Is it possible to replace President Bush with TG in this tournament? What a douchebaggy douche you are, TG.

  71. Taliek Brown says:

    Duke and Bill Belichick already lost? They both should have been top 5 seeds in the Sports Bracket. I’m just not sure I can have faith in these results now.

  72. bigdog says:

    Go lick Rush Limbaugh’s fat smelly taint.

  73. Helmut says:

    Excuse me. Get away from the crowd when you can. Keep yourself to yourself, if only for a few hours daily.
    I am from United and too poorly know English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: “Select category, anti allergic, anti anxiety, anti convulsants, anti depressants anti diabetics, antibiotics, antifungal, antipsychotic, antiviral.”

    8-) Thanks in advance. Helmut.

  74. Anonymous says:

    Louie hates most black people. FYI.

  75. teabagthedbag says:

    What about Anderson Cooper, Carson Daly, Kelly Slater,or Tanner Hall?

  76. Louie says:

    How is it possible that the douche Al Franken is not in the douche tournament? His douchiness is surpassed only by the douche Keith Olbermann. I knew I was forgetting some douches in my top ten douches. Damn, there are just so many friggin’ douches, aren’t there?

    I love the word “douche”.

  77. Judah Friedlander says:

    No, he’s a douchebag for cobbling together misquoted audioclips, CGI-ing fake newspaper headlines, playing off of the fears of the mob to make a shit-ton of money, and then marketing it all under the banner of “anti-establishment” when you’d be hard pressed not to find a celebrity/director/comedian/newspaper comics artist/pundit who didn’t agree with him.

  78. Doodoopie says:

    Obey hyptotoad and vote for me!!
    I want to win the stuffed giraffe.
    I will romance your mother, buy
    her fake diamonds and stick my fun
    stick in her fancy tube.

  79. My Mom says:

    That’s right shit for brains. Congrats, you can read a simple line graph.

  80. Liberal douche says:

    Bar graph, you white small penis Republican poo poo lady

  81. GOUIELOUIE says:

    Hey girls, help me understand something. Michael Moore is a douche because he makes entertaining films about Corporate America and their Republican lackeys screwing the working class out of jobs, decent pay and health care. Oh yeah, and sending them off to die in any war they can drum up to fatten their wallets.
    Any of you douchebags know how to stop my head from spinning?

  82. Anonymous says:

    Why is Beck beating Blagojevich?? Blagojevich is 100x the douchebag Beck will ever be after what he did.

  83. Louie says:

    There is a God! The douche of all douches Michael Moore beat out our great President Bush. Yeah, the President Bush who kept all you ungrateful, weak, whining liberal douches safe after Sept. 11th.

  84. yer mom says:

    Technically Michael Moore is a bigger douchebag physically but he never got us into an unwinnable war by telling us that someone who didn’t have WMD did.

  85. Tara says:

    Michael Moore is more twisted than any of the “facts” he has presented in his films. It is a fact that he twisted premises to make his own opinion appear as fact. Same as Bush lying, isn’t it?

  86. Kyle W says:

    I guess people don’t hate GW as much as we thought…

  87. jcf says:

    No, they do hate Gee “I screwed up this nation” Bush, but they can’t admit it in the same vein as a pot can’t call a kettle black (A douche can’t call a tampon summer fresh? Hmmm… this is a comparison that needs refinment, not unlike our former president, double hah!)

  88. church says:

    it’s “hypnotoad” ya fucking wanker! also Louie, don’t you mean #10 dave matthews? i fucking hate that guy! also let’s see some pictures of your sister!!!

  89. Anonymous says:

    you should put chad joyce on here because he is the biggest douchebag i know

  90. Anonymous says:

    And yet he didn’t bring any up. Go fuck yourself.

  91. bigdog says:

    Blago truly is a douche bag, but he is an irrelevant douche bag. Glenn Beck on the other hand, is going to provide years and years of future douche bagginess.

  92. Right Guy says:

    A war that hurt you in absolutely no shape and form, and allowed a country that had never known freedom a chance to be free? If WMDs were found, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t be allowed to release anything about them to the public anyway.

  93. My Mom says:

    Take it out of the toilet, you turd muncher.

  94. mersh1 says:

    ouch……..n chit

  95. jcf says:

    Anonymous, get a brain

  96. GOUIELOUIE says:

    Hey Judah, you have proof of this how?
    Oh, that’s right, douchebags like you are too busy smooching drug addled Rush Limbaugh’s smelly, hemorroidal sphincter to provide facts. Spread his flabby, sagging ass cheeks wide, Judah. Maybe you can get high on some of the excess Oxycotin leaking out of his asshole, you douchebag!

  97. Anonymous says:

    It appears that Michael Moore may beat out the butcher of Baghdad after all.

  98. todders says:
    check out this hilarious video of billy ray cyrus beating the shit out of some kid!
  99. Anonymous says:

    I hope Barry Bonds takes the title, he has a long history of douchebaggery (i.e. racism, cheating his way to the top of baseball and lying about it). He has reached a level of douchebaggishness that lesser douchebags can only look at and say, “How the fuck is it even possible to become THAT big of a douche?” He can go fist himself for all I care.

  100. Penis says:

    Word man. Republicans are going 4-0.

    Btw I voted Blagojevich. This is robbery.

  101. Anonymous says:

    damn, i had a REALLY hard time deciding between axl and diddy. notice how theyre names arent even real words? fuck

  102. Anonymous says:

    fred phelps, anyone?

  103. Penis says:

    word. Hannity needs to be on hurr

  104. Anonymous says:

    It’s THAN. Beckham spends more time shopping THAN playing. Not then.
    I am disappointed.

  105. Al-P says:

    how the fuck is moore being blown out by bush?!? bush sucks, but Moore is the EPITOME of a FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. FUCK YOU whoever voted for bush a thousand times, FUCK YOU.

  106. Penis says:

    dude someone voted for shamwow guy like 15,000 times. It used to be close between him and Jaoquien Phoenix but now it’s a blowout!

  107. Penis says:

    He’s fat as shit too

  108. Anonymous says:

    get a life

  109. Anonymous says:

    at least madoff ripped off a bunch of jews…that makes him much less douchy.

  110. o0o0oyeahh says:

    this is why joaquin phoenix is the man. this whole thing is to allegedly prove how the media will eat this shit up and keep reporting on it, and after it’s been somewhat exposed it’s still news enough to put him in this tournament.

    shamwow guy used to be a scientologist until they screwed him over after his comedy movie failed miserably to find a distributor and went direct to DVD


  111. Anonymouse says:

    It is completely wrong to put George Bush on here. Dont get me wrong, I hate the guy and think it is a tragedy that he became president (even though he was never really elected). But he really is just a retard. Or republitard to be politically correct. His spot should have been given to Dick Cheney. Dick Cheney is the epitome of douche.

  112. Anonymous says:

    I sort of agree. We shouldn’t pick on the mentally disabled. Cheney should have been in his place.

    Minimum requirement for douchebag contest: ability to speak in complete sentences!

  113. Axel says:

    Hi. Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn?t hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor.
    I am from Iceland and know bad English, give true I wrote the following sentence: “Anti allergy medication oral this combination medication is used to why were you taking anti allergy medication.”

    Waiting for a reply ;) , Axel.

  114. Mister Ed says:

    I will rub your nuts raw for that comment you farmer.

  115. Sociosquatch says:

    Bill Maher’s omission is a tragedy. He works it from so many douchey angles it’s an artform at that point.

  116. Anonymous says:

    Bill Maher is the biggest douche to ever grace this planet.

    Keith Olberman is a close second.

  117. Anonymous says:

    Did Michael Moore promise to not stop eating until Flint, MI’s economy rebounded, or is he just saving up to shit out his next “documentary”?

  118. MrTimt says:

    Do you think we’ll see the day when LCD monitors are replaced by holographic displays? Screens that literally appear out of thin air in full color?

    What do you think? Holographic technology is still fairly new but there are scientists out there who believe we’ve only begun to tap into it.

    There are also people working on holographic based cloaking devices for use in combat. In 10 years we could be looking back on the technology of today and laughing.


  119. Atlas says:

    No Obama? Seems like campaigning/hypnotizing on promises to “change” our government, but only doing the same old same old (ie: raising taxes, spending shit tons more money, inflating the economy even more, socializing medicine, socializing banking, appeasing, being an all around pragmatic asshole – all withing his first two months!) that we’ve been needing to escape since the New Deal is about as douchey as one can get.

  120. nate says:

    The ShamWow guy’s name is Vince Offer. I know this because I have vowed to destory him. I hate him. Also, he is a former Scientologist… Now, before you praise him, thinking he saw the error of his ways, he left the ‘church’ claiming they are out to kill him… The only person I hate more than Vince Offer is Billy Maze. Why do you always yell at me Billy? WHY??!!

  121. JMD says:

    Louie’s sister?

  122. Vaginer lover says:

    Louie is my hero you bag of poo.
    Lay off him and his rad sister.

  123. Vaginer says:

    Shut up, go back to having testicles bang against your chin.

  124. Louie says:

    I don’t hate all black people……I like Clarence Thomas…..Michael Steele……Armstrong Williams…….Alan Keyes……Condoleezza Rice…….I just hate pussy liberals, black or white.

    You douchebags.

  125. Nickal says:

    I’m with you man. I don’t hate ALL black people. Just most black people. And a bunch of mexicans too.

  126. Nickal says:

    Louie would be pissed to find out that his sister was sneaking some black dick on the side.

  127. Anonymous says:

    I just couldn’t bring myself to vote Bush over Moore. I tend to live by the Hanlon’s razor:

    “Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.”

    Bush comes off to me as the type of guy who is quite likable in person — just don’t ever give him the keys to your car. Moore, on the other hand, is the very essence and definition of douchebaggery.

  128. bigdog says:

    When Michael Moore is responsible for the deaths of a million people, then you can put them against each other.

  129. Anonymous says:

    I think there is an important distinction to make here. Michael Moore is a prime example of a douchebag. In fact, he may actually be the perfect douche. George W. Bush, on the other hand, is the greatest assclown the world has ever known. If this were an assclown competition, W. wins in a landslide.

  130. Anonymous says:

    I dont know, Michael Moore is somewhat douchy but he fails to excel to Dubya’s level of douchebaggery. To say Michael Moore is a bigger douche is like comparing the your childhood bully to say Stalin. One may be a big fat phony but you would need to pay for a ticket to suffer the consequences of his douchebaggery. We all(the world) got screwed by Dubya.

  131. John Strauss says:

    You know god damn well that all the bush supporters are voting over and over again like mad.

  132. Anonymous says:

    It’s more that W had the power that allowed his douchery affect more people. I don’t know if that makes him a bigger douchebag, or just a more influential one…

  133. Anonymous says:

    its this kind of shit that just screams the end of the world is here

  134. Louie says:

    Not biased, Ian, just informed…..Oh, and by the way, even your name is very douchey…..You douche.

  135. Ian says:

    Kiss my Mom’s black ass

  136. TG says:

    The first $12 trillion already spent didn’t register, so it’s Obama’s fault now for spending another trillion. Great… What does $1 trillion buy? It pays for the interest on the last $12 trillion.

    The loans need to be recalled before we have to pay up, so maybe before that happens we can fix the “Bush” trash heap. It’s not like he didn’t have time or opportunity to do something about it before Obama.

  137. Louie says:

    Anybody who believes that it is right to take away hard working people’s money, and give it to lazy no good wastes wins my douchebaggery vote…..So, here’s to you, Obama, you big fucking douche.

  138. Gary J says:

    Bush supporters should be in the bracket against Bush. I don’t know what’s worse, one douche screwing us over for the next decade or the millions of douches who applaud and praise him for it. Michael Moore is a huge douche, but compared to W? Come on, it’s a no-brainer.

  139. Anonymous says:

    P. Diddy does suck, but Axl Rose destroyed one of the greatest rock bands ever with his douchebaggery. Let’s not forget when James Hetfield burned his face beyond recognition, Al refused to play just because. This led to massive riots by pissed off concert goers and rightfully so. And let’s not forget the ginger hair corn rows…come on.

  140. Marco says:

    yeah, you’re probably right.

  141. Ookla the Mok says:

    Ah, but Equilibrium sucked. Therefore your comparison may be damning. (but gunfu was a cool aspect so maybe I will buy a shamwow)

  142. Marco says:

    I think it’s cooler that he used to be a scientologist. He’s like John Preston from Equilibrium, he used to be a Grammaton Cleric but then he turned around and brought down Father and the rest of the Tetragrammaton Council of Libria. In summation, Vince Offer = WIN

  143. Anonymous says:

    you need to get outside

  144. Anonymous says:

    Fascism aims to create a single-party state under a dictator whose supreme goal is to maintain national unity; its citizens subordinate their own self-interest to the collective interest of the state. While Nazism incorporated parts of left- and right-wing politics, it is widely regarded as a form of fascism, and the Nazis made most of their political alliances with right-wing groups.

    Both sound right-wing to me.

  145. Ookla the Mok says:

    Ask people who have lived under fascist regimes which of our political parties most resemble the ruling party they escaped from. Most will tell you its the Democrats. “Most”. Not all. What that means is that the most reliable source on the matter draws parallels to the uglier parts of both of our leading parties. Hate-powered belief systems like right wing xtians and left wing demonstrator-types never see but one direction and are usually tools.

    If you think your party is perfect and the other wing is completely evil then you are probably an idiot.

  146. Louie says:

    The 10 Douchiest Douches:

    1. Keith Olbermann
    2. Ward Churchill
    3. Michael Moore
    4. Barack Obama
    5. Bill Maher
    6. William Ayers
    7. Nancy Pelosi
    8. Harry Reid
    9. Sean Penn
    10.Chris Matthews

    Of course, this list could have gone on and on…….unfortunately.

  147. Ian says:

    biased a little, douchebag?

  148. Anonymous says:

    Louie is such a liberal douche…

  149. Anonymous says:

    Louie hates black people. FYI

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  151. Edwordrules says:

    LMAO, that pic of Micheal Moore just screams “I qweefed and it smells like lavender!”

  152. Tater says:

    I personally want to see a final round matchup between Michael Moore and Bernie Madoff. Although, i think madoff is a shoe in to win the whole thing.

  153. Spectre says:

    I think Madoff will go far but my vote is on AIG. Michael Moore would have done sooo much better not being paired up against Bush first round.

  154. Anonymous says:

    Michael Moore really is up there in Douchebaggeryness. Damn I wish Barney Frank was in there – he and Michael Moore even look and talk alike.

  155. Katytron says:

    You gotta respect the Shamwow guy, he’s fighting the Scientologists! Uncontested douchebags of the world.

  156. cory says:
    But we can’t forget that he WAS a Scientologist.
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  158. TG says:

    I always thought shit rolled down… It’s not Bush’s fault because he’s an idiot. Hell, that seems like a perfectly legitimate defense. The buck doesn’t stop with the President, let’s blame someone else.


  159. Anonymous says:

    If your going to chastize deficit spending so much, Deficit spending is not a good way of fixing your problems.

  160. JT says:

    Somewhere in Africa, a village is missing its idiot!

  161. My Mom says:

    George Bush was just getting rid of a few unwanted Muslims.
    I mean do you really think they’ll be missed?

  162. Anonymous says:

    Ah, but the Shamwow guy now devotes his time, money and pseudo-popularity to railing against scientology. and as we all know scientology is a giant lame uterus from which nothing but douchebags emerge….

    …..Tom Cruise

  163. Paul says:

    I dont care what any one says, michael moore is the biggest douche in the universe.