And now, onto day two's match-ups. Voting ends Monday March 23th at 12:00 noon EST. Results will be posted shortly after voting ends.
Vote on who's the bigger douche. You can vote as many times as you want. Just refresh the page and vote again.
(2) Joaquin Phoenix
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
There's rumors that Joaquin's new mumbling, bearded persona is some sort of prank. I'm not sure what would make him a bigger douchebag, actually doing what he's doing, or pretending to be doing what he's doing.
VS
(15) The Shamwow Guy
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Why are infomercial salesman so popular now? I bought the Shamwow and you know what? It sucks.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) Barry Bonds What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Aside from being a complete and total asshole to anyone and everyone who came near him, he (allegedly) lied about taking steroids, even though his body and head grew to sizes normally reserved for a Lord Of The Rings film. And after several perjury hearings and investigations, he let his friend go to jail for him. Any time you let someone face the possibility of daily ass rapings, you’re a douche.
VS
(15) David Beckham
What Makes Him A Douchebag: He vowed to make soccer popular in America, then after he realized that was never going to happen he organized a deal where he could play here as little as possible. That coupled with the fact that he spends more time shopping then he does actually playing, solidifies his status as an underwear modeling, sometimes soccer playing douche.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) AIG
What Makes It A Douchebag:
After receiving it’s first $70 billion in bailout money, AIG executives spent $500,000 to take a luxury Santa Barbara vacation. And last week it was revealed that after taking more than $170 billion in taxpayer money AIG paid out $165 million in bonuses to the very people who gambled the entire company away. Hey AIG, suck my balls.
VS
(15) Steve Ballmer
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
No one has ever seen this guy calm or quiet. Except maybe when looking at Google’s stock price, Zune sales, Vista complaints and Justice Department subpoenas.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) Rob Blagojevich
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Seriously. Who thinks that they can sell a senate seat? Who does that? The city of Chicago and the state of Illinois have been plagued by political corruption for decades, to the point that it’s become a fully acknowledged joke about the state’s political climate. In subsequent interviews following his impeachment, it’s pretty obvious that “Blago” is completely insane. He doesn’t think that he did anything wrong, and is incredibly full of himself. That’s basically the definition of douchebaggery.
VS
(15) Glenn Beck
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Glenn Beck has his own well-known brand of double-chinned douchebaggery, but what most people don't know is that he's also converted to Mormonism when he was an adult. Which means someone asked him to join their cult that baptize dead people and believe Jesus was hanging out in the West in the 1800s and he said, "Sounds great, where do I sign up?"
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) P-Diddy
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
If your entire music career is based around buying someone else’s incredibly popular song, playing it back exactly as it was originally recorded, and then putting your own crappy, mumbly, pretentious lyrics over it, you’re probably a douchebag. If you’ve changed your crappy nickname three times in your career, and actually sued someone over the rights to call yourself “Diddy”, then you’re probably a douchebag. If you’ve profited immensely off of the death of your popular rapper friend, then you’re definitely a douchebag. While Diddy’s legitimacy is severely in question, one thing is for sure: P-Diddy is a douchebag force to be reckoned with.
VS
(10) Axl Rose
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Even though Axl was only one member of the original Guns N’ Roses, and even though the band’s name was derived from two band members (Axl Rose and Tracii Guns), Axl decided that, after disappearing for 10-15 years of public absence, it would be okay for Guns N’ Roses to re-emerge on the scene. The only problem was that Axl got an entirely new band, thereby eliminating the “Guns” element of Guns N’ Roses. If you’re a rockstar, and your other douche rockstar friends think you’re too much of a douche to work with, then you have serious douche issues.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) Curt Schilling
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
OK, Curt, we get it. You love to blog about your opinions and you like Jesus. That's fine. But the problem is, no one wants to hear what a baseball pitcher thinks about stem cell research. Please stop.
VS
(10) Jerry Jones
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
His ego won't let him not stick his facelifted face into every Cowboys game. I don't watch football to see 75-year-old men meandering on the sidelines and high-fiving players like he made seven tackles and a game-winning interception. Jerry, let coaches coach, let players play, and let owners sit in a luxury box.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) Jim Cramer
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Boo-ya! If you want to make money in the stock market do exactly the opposite of whatever Jim Cramer recommends. If you don’t believe us just ask Jon Stewart to show you one of any hundred videos where Cramer recommend something that was worthless months, weeks or even days later (cough...Bear Stearns...cough).
VS
(10) Henry Paulson
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
This guy basically slipped a piece of paper, or maybe it was two pieces, to congress saying that said he needed 750 billion dollars by the end of the week, no questions asked and whatever he did with the money was up to him. And if they didn't give him the money the entire world would implode. The kicker is it friggin worked and they gave him the cash. Also, by agreeing to become Treasury Secretary he was “forced” to sell $570 million dollars worth of Goldman Sachs stock, one time only...completely tax free.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) George Bush
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Hmmmm, let’s see. We really don’t have to go down the list of douchey things he did, do we? Okay, let’s just highlight some more fantastic douchecomplishments: Starting a shitty war, overseeing an enormous economic collapse, and generally making us look like a dumbass to the rest of the world. As if Nicholas Cage movies weren’t doing a good enough job of that.
VS
(10) Michael Moore
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
This “freedom fighter” pulls together every clip he can find that supports his point, then puts it into a movie and calls it a “documentary.” On top of that, he’s notoriously asshole-ish to work for, and spends his days in a multimillion dollar apartment in New York, even though he’s TOTALLY blue collar, right?
Ah, but the Shamwow guy now devotes his time, money and pseudo-popularity to railing against scientology. and as we all know scientology is a giant lame uterus from which nothing but douchebags emerge....
No Obama? Seems like campaigning/hypnotizing on promises to "change" our government, but only doing the same old same old (ie: raising taxes, spending shit tons more money, inflating the economy even more, socializing medicine, socializing banking, appeasing, being an all around pragmatic asshole - all withing his first two months!) that we've been needing to escape since the New Deal is about as douchey as one can get.
Anybody who believes that it is right to take away hard working people's money, and give it to lazy no good wastes wins my douchebaggery vote.....So, here's to you, Obama, you big fucking douche.
The first $12 trillion already spent didn't register, so it's Obama's fault now for spending another trillion. Great... What does $1 trillion buy? It pays for the interest on the last $12 trillion.
The loans need to be recalled before we have to pay up, so maybe before that happens we can fix the "Bush" trash heap. It's not like he didn't have time or opportunity to do something about it before Obama.
1. Keith Olbermann
2. Ward Churchill
3. Michael Moore
4. Barack Obama
5. Bill Maher
6. William Ayers
7. Nancy Pelosi
8. Harry Reid
9. Sean Penn
10.Chris Matthews
Of course, this list could have gone on and on.......unfortunately.
I don't hate all black people......I like Clarence Thomas.....Michael Steele......Armstrong Williams.......Alan Keyes......Condoleezza Rice.......I just hate pussy liberals, black or white.
Obey hyptotoad and vote for me!!
I want to win the stuffed giraffe.
I will romance your mother, buy
her fake diamonds and stick my fun
stick in her fancy tube.
Hey girls, help me understand something. Michael Moore is a douche because he makes entertaining films about Corporate America and their Republican lackeys screwing the working class out of jobs, decent pay and health care. Oh yeah, and sending them off to die in any war they can drum up to fatten their wallets.
Any of you douchebags know how to stop my head from spinning?
No, he's a douchebag for cobbling together misquoted audioclips, CGI-ing fake newspaper headlines, playing off of the fears of the mob to make a shit-ton of money, and then marketing it all under the banner of "anti-establishment" when you'd be hard pressed not to find a celebrity/director/comedian/newspaper comics artist/pundit who didn't agree with him.
Hey Judah, you have proof of this how?
Oh, that's right, douchebags like you are too busy smooching drug addled Rush Limbaugh's smelly, hemorroidal sphincter to provide facts. Spread his flabby, sagging ass cheeks wide, Judah. Maybe you can get high on some of the excess Oxycotin leaking out of his asshole, you douchebag!
Michael Moore is more twisted than any of the "facts" he has presented in his films. It is a fact that he twisted premises to make his own opinion appear as fact. Same as Bush lying, isn't it?
it's "hypnotoad" ya fucking wanker! also Louie, don't you mean #10 dave matthews? i fucking hate that guy! also let's see some pictures of your sister!!!
I hope Barry Bonds takes the title, he has a long history of douchebaggery (i.e. racism, cheating his way to the top of baseball and lying about it). He has reached a level of douchebaggishness that lesser douchebags can only look at and say, "How the fuck is it even possible to become THAT big of a douche?" He can go fist himself for all I care.
How is it possible that the douche Al Franken is not in the douche tournament? His douchiness is surpassed only by the douche Keith Olbermann. I knew I was forgetting some douches in my top ten douches. Damn, there are just so many friggin' douches, aren't there?
Blago truly is a douche bag, but he is an irrelevant douche bag. Glenn Beck on the other hand, is going to provide years and years of future douche bagginess.
how the fuck is moore being blown out by bush?!? bush sucks, but Moore is the EPITOME of a FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. FUCK YOU whoever voted for bush a thousand times, FUCK YOU.
Technically Michael Moore is a bigger douchebag physically but he never got us into an unwinnable war by telling us that someone who didn't have WMD did.
A war that hurt you in absolutely no shape and form, and allowed a country that had never known freedom a chance to be free? If WMDs were found, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be allowed to release anything about them to the public anyway.
(1277 Comments)
Twitter
Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
March 21st, 2009 at 11:38 am
Ah, but the Shamwow guy now devotes his time, money and pseudo-popularity to railing against scientology. and as we all know scientology is a giant lame uterus from which nothing but douchebags emerge....
.....Tom Cruise
March 21st, 2009 at 01:04 pm
No Obama? Seems like campaigning/hypnotizing on promises to "change" our government, but only doing the same old same old (ie: raising taxes, spending shit tons more money, inflating the economy even more, socializing medicine, socializing banking, appeasing, being an all around pragmatic asshole - all withing his first two months!) that we've been needing to escape since the New Deal is about as douchey as one can get.
March 21st, 2009 at 01:51 pm
Anybody who believes that it is right to take away hard working people's money, and give it to lazy no good wastes wins my douchebaggery vote.....So, here's to you, Obama, you big fucking douche.
March 21st, 2009 at 03:05 pm
The first $12 trillion already spent didn't register, so it's Obama's fault now for spending another trillion. Great... What does $1 trillion buy? It pays for the interest on the last $12 trillion.
The loans need to be recalled before we have to pay up, so maybe before that happens we can fix the "Bush" trash heap. It's not like he didn't have time or opportunity to do something about it before Obama.
March 21st, 2009 at 09:17 pm
If your going to chastize deficit spending so much, Deficit spending is not a good way of fixing your problems.
March 21st, 2009 at 02:03 pm
The 10 Douchiest Douches:
1. Keith Olbermann
2. Ward Churchill
3. Michael Moore
4. Barack Obama
5. Bill Maher
6. William Ayers
7. Nancy Pelosi
8. Harry Reid
9. Sean Penn
10.Chris Matthews
Of course, this list could have gone on and on.......unfortunately.
March 21st, 2009 at 02:24 pm
biased a little, douchebag?
March 21st, 2009 at 03:03 pm
Not biased, Ian, just informed.....Oh, and by the way, even your name is very douchey.....You douche.
March 21st, 2009 at 03:29 pm
Kiss my Mom's black ass
March 21st, 2009 at 05:27 pm
Louie hates black people. FYI
March 21st, 2009 at 05:48 pm
Shut up, go back to having testicles bang against your chin.
March 21st, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Louie's sister?
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:46 am
Louie is my hero you bag of poo.
Lay off him and his rad sister.
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:59 pm
Louie would be pissed to find out that his sister was sneaking some black dick on the side.
March 22nd, 2009 at 06:10 am
I don't hate all black people......I like Clarence Thomas.....Michael Steele......Armstrong Williams.......Alan Keyes......Condoleezza Rice.......I just hate pussy liberals, black or white.
You douchebags.
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:17 am
I'm with you man. I don't hate ALL black people. Just most black people. And a bunch of mexicans too.
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:39 am
Louie is such a liberal douche...
March 21st, 2009 at 03:27 pm
Somewhere in Africa, a village is missing its idiot!
March 21st, 2009 at 06:53 pm
Bill Maher is the biggest douche to ever grace this planet.
Keith Olberman is a close second.
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:51 am
I will rub your nuts raw for that comment you farmer.
March 22nd, 2009 at 03:51 pm
Bill Maher's omission is a tragedy. He works it from so many douchey angles it's an artform at that point.
March 21st, 2009 at 07:48 pm
ouch........n chit
March 21st, 2009 at 09:15 pm
check out this hilarious video of billy ray cyrus beating the shit out of some kid!
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:22 am
It's THAN. Beckham spends more time shopping THAN playing. Not then.
I am disappointed.
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:49 am
Obey hyptotoad and vote for me!!
I want to win the stuffed giraffe.
I will romance your mother, buy
her fake diamonds and stick my fun
stick in her fancy tube.
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:52 am
Hey girls, help me understand something. Michael Moore is a douche because he makes entertaining films about Corporate America and their Republican lackeys screwing the working class out of jobs, decent pay and health care. Oh yeah, and sending them off to die in any war they can drum up to fatten their wallets.
Any of you douchebags know how to stop my head from spinning?
March 22nd, 2009 at 12:54 am
Take it out of the toilet, you turd muncher.
March 22nd, 2009 at 08:40 am
No, he's a douchebag for cobbling together misquoted audioclips, CGI-ing fake newspaper headlines, playing off of the fears of the mob to make a shit-ton of money, and then marketing it all under the banner of "anti-establishment" when you'd be hard pressed not to find a celebrity/director/comedian/newspaper comics artist/pundit who didn't agree with him.
March 22nd, 2009 at 05:04 pm
Hey Judah, you have proof of this how?
Oh, that's right, douchebags like you are too busy smooching drug addled Rush Limbaugh's smelly, hemorroidal sphincter to provide facts. Spread his flabby, sagging ass cheeks wide, Judah. Maybe you can get high on some of the excess Oxycotin leaking out of his asshole, you douchebag!
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:20 am
He's fat as shit too
March 24th, 2009 at 07:48 pm
Michael Moore is more twisted than any of the "facts" he has presented in his films. It is a fact that he twisted premises to make his own opinion appear as fact. Same as Bush lying, isn't it?
March 22nd, 2009 at 01:59 am
it's "hypnotoad" ya fucking wanker! also Louie, don't you mean #10 dave matthews? i fucking hate that guy! also let's see some pictures of your sister!!!
March 22nd, 2009 at 02:38 am
I hope Barry Bonds takes the title, he has a long history of douchebaggery (i.e. racism, cheating his way to the top of baseball and lying about it). He has reached a level of douchebaggishness that lesser douchebags can only look at and say, "How the fuck is it even possible to become THAT big of a douche?" He can go fist himself for all I care.
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:20 am
dude someone voted for shamwow guy like 15,000 times. It used to be close between him and Jaoquien Phoenix but now it's a blowout!
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 am
at least madoff ripped off a bunch of jews...that makes him much less douchy.
March 22nd, 2009 at 01:21 pm
How is it possible that the douche Al Franken is not in the douche tournament? His douchiness is surpassed only by the douche Keith Olbermann. I knew I was forgetting some douches in my top ten douches. Damn, there are just so many friggin' douches, aren't there?
I love the word "douche".
March 22nd, 2009 at 01:37 pm
Louie hates most black people. FYI.
April 1st, 2009 at 02:59 pm
And yet he didn't bring any up. Go fuck yourself.
March 22nd, 2009 at 01:27 pm
What about Anderson Cooper, Carson Daly, Kelly Slater,or Tanner Hall?
March 22nd, 2009 at 01:57 pm
Why is Beck beating Blagojevich?? Blagojevich is 100x the douchebag Beck will ever be after what he did.
March 22nd, 2009 at 08:25 pm
Word man. Republicans are going 4-0.
Btw I voted Blagojevich. This is robbery.
March 22nd, 2009 at 09:32 pm
Blago truly is a douche bag, but he is an irrelevant douche bag. Glenn Beck on the other hand, is going to provide years and years of future douche bagginess.
March 22nd, 2009 at 04:15 pm
how the fuck is moore being blown out by bush?!? bush sucks, but Moore is the EPITOME of a FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. FUCK YOU whoever voted for bush a thousand times, FUCK YOU.
March 22nd, 2009 at 08:25 pm
damn, i had a REALLY hard time deciding between axl and diddy. notice how theyre names arent even real words? fuck
March 22nd, 2009 at 08:26 pm
fred phelps, anyone?
March 22nd, 2009 at 08:34 pm
Technically Michael Moore is a bigger douchebag physically but he never got us into an unwinnable war by telling us that someone who didn't have WMD did.
March 23rd, 2009 at 08:06 am
get a life
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Anonymous, get a brain
March 24th, 2009 at 02:16 pm
A war that hurt you in absolutely no shape and form, and allowed a country that had never known freedom a chance to be free? If WMDs were found, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't be allowed to release anything about them to the public anyway.
March 22nd, 2009 at 09:34 pm
How did Sean Hannity avoid this list? http://farm1.static.flickr.com/114/254648884_c6fd808eed.jpg?v=0
Post new comment