And now, onto day two's match-ups. Voting ends Monday March 23th at 12:00 noon EST. Results will be posted shortly after voting ends.
Vote on who's the bigger douche. You can vote as many times as you want. Just refresh the page and vote again.
(2) Joaquin Phoenix
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
There's rumors that Joaquin's new mumbling, bearded persona is some sort of prank. I'm not sure what would make him a bigger douchebag, actually doing what he's doing, or pretending to be doing what he's doing.
VS
(15) The Shamwow Guy
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Why are infomercial salesman so popular now? I bought the Shamwow and you know what? It sucks.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) Barry Bonds What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Aside from being a complete and total asshole to anyone and everyone who came near him, he (allegedly) lied about taking steroids, even though his body and head grew to sizes normally reserved for a Lord Of The Rings film. And after several perjury hearings and investigations, he let his friend go to jail for him. Any time you let someone face the possibility of daily ass rapings, you’re a douche.
VS
(15) David Beckham
What Makes Him A Douchebag: He vowed to make soccer popular in America, then after he realized that was never going to happen he organized a deal where he could play here as little as possible. That coupled with the fact that he spends more time shopping then he does actually playing, solidifies his status as an underwear modeling, sometimes soccer playing douche.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) AIG
What Makes It A Douchebag:
After receiving it’s first $70 billion in bailout money, AIG executives spent $500,000 to take a luxury Santa Barbara vacation. And last week it was revealed that after taking more than $170 billion in taxpayer money AIG paid out $165 million in bonuses to the very people who gambled the entire company away. Hey AIG, suck my balls.
VS
(15) Steve Ballmer
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
No one has ever seen this guy calm or quiet. Except maybe when looking at Google’s stock price, Zune sales, Vista complaints and Justice Department subpoenas.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(2) Rob Blagojevich
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Seriously. Who thinks that they can sell a senate seat? Who does that? The city of Chicago and the state of Illinois have been plagued by political corruption for decades, to the point that it’s become a fully acknowledged joke about the state’s political climate. In subsequent interviews following his impeachment, it’s pretty obvious that “Blago” is completely insane. He doesn’t think that he did anything wrong, and is incredibly full of himself. That’s basically the definition of douchebaggery.
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(15) Glenn Beck
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Glenn Beck has his own well-known brand of double-chinned douchebaggery, but what most people don't know is that he's also converted to Mormonism when he was an adult. Which means someone asked him to join their cult that baptize dead people and believe Jesus was hanging out in the West in the 1800s and he said, "Sounds great, where do I sign up?"
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) P-Diddy
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
If your entire music career is based around buying someone else’s incredibly popular song, playing it back exactly as it was originally recorded, and then putting your own crappy, mumbly, pretentious lyrics over it, you’re probably a douchebag. If you’ve changed your crappy nickname three times in your career, and actually sued someone over the rights to call yourself “Diddy”, then you’re probably a douchebag. If you’ve profited immensely off of the death of your popular rapper friend, then you’re definitely a douchebag. While Diddy’s legitimacy is severely in question, one thing is for sure: P-Diddy is a douchebag force to be reckoned with.
VS
(10) Axl Rose
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Even though Axl was only one member of the original Guns N’ Roses, and even though the band’s name was derived from two band members (Axl Rose and Tracii Guns), Axl decided that, after disappearing for 10-15 years of public absence, it would be okay for Guns N’ Roses to re-emerge on the scene. The only problem was that Axl got an entirely new band, thereby eliminating the “Guns” element of Guns N’ Roses. If you’re a rockstar, and your other douche rockstar friends think you’re too much of a douche to work with, then you have serious douche issues.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) Curt Schilling
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
OK, Curt, we get it. You love to blog about your opinions and you like Jesus. That's fine. But the problem is, no one wants to hear what a baseball pitcher thinks about stem cell research. Please stop.
VS
(10) Jerry Jones
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
His ego won't let him not stick his facelifted face into every Cowboys game. I don't watch football to see 75-year-old men meandering on the sidelines and high-fiving players like he made seven tackles and a game-winning interception. Jerry, let coaches coach, let players play, and let owners sit in a luxury box.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) Jim Cramer
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Boo-ya! If you want to make money in the stock market do exactly the opposite of whatever Jim Cramer recommends. If you don’t believe us just ask Jon Stewart to show you one of any hundred videos where Cramer recommend something that was worthless months, weeks or even days later (cough...Bear Stearns...cough).
VS
(10) Henry Paulson
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
This guy basically slipped a piece of paper, or maybe it was two pieces, to congress saying that said he needed 750 billion dollars by the end of the week, no questions asked and whatever he did with the money was up to him. And if they didn't give him the money the entire world would implode. The kicker is it friggin worked and they gave him the cash. Also, by agreeing to become Treasury Secretary he was “forced” to sell $570 million dollars worth of Goldman Sachs stock, one time only...completely tax free.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(7) George Bush
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Hmmmm, let’s see. We really don’t have to go down the list of douchey things he did, do we? Okay, let’s just highlight some more fantastic douchecomplishments: Starting a shitty war, overseeing an enormous economic collapse, and generally making us look like a dumbass to the rest of the world. As if Nicholas Cage movies weren’t doing a good enough job of that.
VS
(10) Michael Moore
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
This “freedom fighter” pulls together every clip he can find that supports his point, then puts it into a movie and calls it a “documentary.” On top of that, he’s notoriously asshole-ish to work for, and spends his days in a multimillion dollar apartment in New York, even though he’s TOTALLY blue collar, right?
No, they do hate Gee "I screwed up this nation" Bush, but they can't admit it in the same vein as a pot can't call a kettle black (A douche can't call a tampon summer fresh? Hmmm... this is a comparison that needs refinment, not unlike our former president, double hah!)
There is a God! The douche of all douches Michael Moore beat out our great President Bush. Yeah, the President Bush who kept all you ungrateful, weak, whining liberal douches safe after Sept. 11th.
Do you think we'll see the day when LCD monitors are replaced by holographic displays? Screens that literally appear out of thin air in full color?
What do you think? Holographic technology is still fairly new but there are scientists out there who believe we've only begun to tap into it.
There are also people working on holographic based cloaking devices for use in combat. In 10 years we could be looking back on the technology of today and laughing.
Excuse me. Get away from the crowd when you can. Keep yourself to yourself, if only for a few hours daily.
I am from United and too poorly know English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "Select category, anti allergic, anti anxiety, anti convulsants, anti depressants anti diabetics, antibiotics, antifungal, antipsychotic, antiviral."
Hi. Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn?t hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor.
I am from Iceland and know bad English, give true I wrote the following sentence: "Anti allergy medication oral this combination medication is used to why were you taking anti allergy medication."
Thank you for the delivered information. I just did a bookmark.
I am from Rwanda and also am speaking English, give true I wrote the following sentence: "Anti allergic baby cream product review product catalog of anti allergic baby cream from india."
(1277 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
March 22nd, 2009 at 09:53 pm
word. Hannity needs to be on hurr
March 22nd, 2009 at 11:59 pm
It appears that Michael Moore may beat out the butcher of Baghdad after all.
March 23rd, 2009 at 02:21 am
That's right shit for brains. Congrats, you can read a simple line graph.
March 23rd, 2009 at 02:23 am
Bar graph, you white small penis Republican poo poo lady
March 23rd, 2009 at 08:25 am
I guess people don't hate GW as much as we thought...
March 25th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
No, they do hate Gee "I screwed up this nation" Bush, but they can't admit it in the same vein as a pot can't call a kettle black (A douche can't call a tampon summer fresh? Hmmm... this is a comparison that needs refinment, not unlike our former president, double hah!)
March 23rd, 2009 at 12:53 pm
There is a God! The douche of all douches Michael Moore beat out our great President Bush. Yeah, the President Bush who kept all you ungrateful, weak, whining liberal douches safe after Sept. 11th.
March 24th, 2009 at 11:53 am
you should put chad joyce on here because he is the biggest douchebag i know
April 15th, 2009 at 09:20 am
Do you think we'll see the day when LCD monitors are replaced by holographic displays? Screens that literally appear out of thin air in full color?
What do you think? Holographic technology is still fairly new but there are scientists out there who believe we've only begun to tap into it.
There are also people working on holographic based cloaking devices for use in combat. In 10 years we could be looking back on the technology of today and laughing.
Thoughts?
April 23rd, 2009 at 02:15 pm
aaaa116zzz
May 30th, 2009 at 04:32 am
Excuse me. Get away from the crowd when you can. Keep yourself to yourself, if only for a few hours daily.
I am from United and too poorly know English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "Select category, anti allergic, anti anxiety, anti convulsants, anti depressants anti diabetics, antibiotics, antifungal, antipsychotic, antiviral."
8-) Thanks in advance. Helmut.
May 31st, 2009 at 04:18 pm
Hi. Listen. Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn?t hold much water outside of Your Universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor.
I am from Iceland and know bad English, give true I wrote the following sentence: "Anti allergy medication oral this combination medication is used to why were you taking anti allergy medication."
Waiting for a reply ;), Axel.
June 7th, 2009 at 10:00 am
Thank you for the delivered information. I just did a bookmark.
I am from Rwanda and also am speaking English, give true I wrote the following sentence: "Anti allergic baby cream product review product catalog of anti allergic baby cream from india."
With best wishes :o, Jarvis.
June 9th, 2009 at 08:35 pm
Hi! xTZEAcbg
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