Much like the second round of the NCAA tournament, there were some huge upsets during day two's games. In what seemed to be a concerted effort, The Shamwow Guy demolished Joaquin Phoenix, Michael Moore took down Dubya and Glenn Beck moved on to the next round while Rod "Blago" Blagojevich went home.
And now, onto day three's match-ups. Voting ends Monday March 24th at 12:00 noon EST. Results will be posted shortly after voting ends.
Vote on who's the bigger douche.
(3) Octo-Mom
What Makes Her A Douchebag:
Being a poor, uneducated weirdo living out some insane celebutard fantasy doesn't make you a douchebag. Taking 14 kids down with you, on the other hand, does.
VS
(14) Dane Cook
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Dane Cook's unfunny brand of comedy and oversized ego has put him in the douchebag Hall of Fame for a few years now. We get it, you can make frat dudes and moms laugh at your stories about the time your dad farted in front of your first girlfriend. But maybe you can tell a different story now? Like, maybe a funny one.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(3) Skip Bayless
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Skip's high-pitched, whiny voice makes everything he says sound like a 10-year-old girl who's throwing a tantrum because her mommy took her candy away. He shouldn't be talking about sports. He should be talking about My Little Pony or Barbie or getting his period.
VS
(14) Sean Avery
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
When he's not trying to screen goalies in the lamest way possible (by standing in front of them and waving his arms like he's trying to fly) he's hitting on Paris Hilton (and failing). And if that's not enough, he was suspended by the NHL for making his infamous "sloppy seconds" comment. Since he didn't really do anything illegal, NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman basically suspended him for being a douchebag.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(3) Joe The Plumber
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
As a completely unknown nobody from Nowheresville, Joe the Plumber had a perfect opportunity to present himself as a normal, everyday guy. In fact, it would have been to his (and his backing political party’s) advantage to do exactly that. Instead, every televised interview with Joe the Plumber felt like a highlight from the life of Maury Povich and Fox News’s illegitimate love child. Sure, Joe didn’t willingly throw himself into the political and media limelight for a few embarrassing weeks, but he also never said “Hey, I’m just a plumber who’s, for the most part, pretty politically incompetent and narrow-minded. Perhaps you should exhault someone who actually deserves it”, and that makes him a douchebag in our books.
VS
(14) Al Sharpton
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
If the entire African-American population of the U.S. was a shark, Al Sharpton would be its Lamprey, the tiny, parasitic fish that follows it around, constantly eating all the garbage off of it. We’re sure Sharpton had good intentions in the beginning, but at this point he’s an opportunist. Some people would even go so far as to say that if African-Americans had no problems, then Al Sharpton would be out of business, and therefore he’s turned to making little issues into big ones so that he won’t seem expendible. Some people say that, but not us. We just say he’s a douchebag.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(3) Rick Santelli
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Another hypocrite CNBC anchor who wont stop screaming that the Obama administration isn’t listening to his expert advice. The same expert advice that was not able to predict the largest financial collapse the world has seen since the Great Depression. Rick also made a huge unnecessary hoopla when the White House press secretary said “we know where he lives”. Cool it bro, I don’t think the white house is actually gonna put a hit out on some loser money reporter from a network no one watches.
VS
(14) Joe Francis
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
He’s made over $500 million off dumb drunk sluts showing their boobs in an act of rebellion against their parents. We have absolutely no problem with that. In fact we think that’s just terrific. However, just because you made a fortune off soft core porn doesn’t mean you have to act exactly like a guy who made a fortune off soft core porn. He had every opportunity to be a cool dude who kept quiet and minded his own business. Instead he started putting himself in his own infomercials and ran around acting like even if he didn’t have $1000 cash, a private jet and a kilo of coke all those slutty girls and celebs like Paris Hilton would still be his friend.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(6) Heidi and Spencer
What Makes Them Douchebags:
They’ve achieved the impossible; famous solely for being douchey. Their day consists of staring at each other and saying meaningless sentences for hours on end, but instead of being considered retarded, and made to take special classes and wear jackets with their names on the back, they’re paid millions of dollars.
VS
(11) Perez Hilton
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
He spends his days making up gay rumors about celebrities, then attending award shows at night and pretending to be annoyed when reporters ask him questions. His blog is basically just a series of pictures with shitty finger painting on them, followed by two paragraphs that seem to be written like a fourth grade child who moved here from Vietnam.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(6) Kobe Bryant
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Kobe bitched and whined about playing with Shaquille o’neal, then shaquille left and kobe bitched and whined that the lakers wouldn’t give him anyone to play with. Then, to top it all off, he cheated on his wife, and when confronted, decided to throw Shaq under the bus and rat on him for being a cheater. If his penis and balls could be revoked, men everywhere would have done so.
VS
(11) Mark Cuban
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
It’s to the point now where you can’t go five days without hearing Mark Cuban bitch about something in the NBA. The Mavericks had their shot, and they blew it, probably because one game into the finals he appeared on Letterman as if Dirk Nowitzki had raised his German hands above his head and hoisted the trophy already. A week later the Maverick’s had lost. Probably the douchiest arrow in Cuban’s quiver is the blog he writes, which consists of him whining about each and every thing that doesn’t go his way. It’s tough being really rich.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(6) Jesse Jackson
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
After saying he wanted to turn Barack "from a rooster to hen with one slice of a blade" months before the election, Jackson was seen crying like a baby for the cameras at Obama's inauguration. Do you want to cut Barack's balls off or do you want to blow him? Make up your mind, douche.
VS
(11) Ted Stevens
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
This Alaskan Senator accepted over $250,000 from an oil company for "cabin renovations" and didn't think he did anything wrong. The courts disagreed and found him guilty on seven counts of corruption charges.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(6) Angelo Mozilo (CEO of Countrywide)
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
This dude is as dumb as he is Orange. In May 2008 he made fun of a customer under mortgage stress and instead of forwarding the letter to his staff, he hit “reply all” and responded directly to the customer by basically calling him a retard. And now, while the rest of the country is flat broke and foreclosing on their homes, Angelo is worth around a billion dollars.
VS
(11) Erik Prince (CEO of Blackwater)
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
How did Erik Prince’s dad make billions of dollars? He invented the compact mirror that is in the visor of every car. And what did Erik do with the billions he inherited? Somehow he was able to start his own freaking army. Blackwater is the largest private army in the world and it’s controlled by a born-again Christian rich kid. Blackwater associates in Iraq have gotten into countless situations where women, children and civilians have ended up mysteriously dead and no one can do anything about it. They have since been completely banned from operating in Iraq forever.
Just realized I put "you're" in place of "your" in that sentence there. You'd think with all the blood being in my brain and not in my small weiner I would have caught that.
I have to say that the posters on this site have their fingers on the pulse of douchebaggery in this country, the voting in my opinion is dead on. On a side note I would like to pick octo-cunt as my dark horse to win the whole shibang.
OK I admit it I voted like several hundred times for Michael Moore. I screwed the whole tourney up. His face makes me want to vomit so I had to do it. I swear if I seen him in public I would throw my shoe at him. If I missed I might just run over and try to strangle him with my sock.
All you bleeding heart ass holes blaming Erik Prince & Blackwater do not not shit about being in the military or protecting the life of others. Stick to your lilly white world of group hugs and emo feelings. As a former Spec Ops operator and full blooded american - I say "Kill em All, let god sort them out!" My vote is for all bleeding heart liberal fucktards and any hollywood actor/actress or wantabee!
Wow, how sad for you to be so separated from reality. I'm just as much of an American as the next guy but some how I am able to value a human life! Good for you that you're a former Spec Ops operator and that you served your country, and I do mean that sincerely. But human life is something of value and needs to be considered. You can't just go out and "kill them all" because only 10% of the Muslim community represent the extremest point of view!
I understand that when it comes to kill or be killed it's a simple choice but just like you said, "let god sort them out". That's exactly what's going to happen to you, members of black water and every other living thing on this planet, I just hope you're on his good side!
(68 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:41 pm
this guy gets nominated for next years tourney
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:05 pm
holla at ya boy
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Just realized I put "you're" in place of "your" in that sentence there. You'd think with all the blood being in my brain and not in my small weiner I would have caught that.
Bite my shiney metal ass!
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:23 pm
Octo-womb in a LANDSLIDE!
March 23rd, 2009 at 08:18 pm
man perez vs heidi and spencer that one took me a minute to vote for but as for the winner sharpton hands down preying on his people for years
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Al Sharpton and Uncle Jesse are Racist tools.. they should win
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:22 pm
Dad you suck at being you. They are just trying to make a buck. Always trying to keep the brotha down.
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:43 pm
heidi and spencer are losing?
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:49 pm
So Many tough decisions on there, it's ridiculous
March 23rd, 2009 at 10:58 pm
I have to say that the posters on this site have their fingers on the pulse of douchebaggery in this country, the voting in my opinion is dead on. On a side note I would like to pick octo-cunt as my dark horse to win the whole shibang.
March 23rd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
OK I admit it I voted like several hundred times for Michael Moore. I screwed the whole tourney up. His face makes me want to vomit so I had to do it. I swear if I seen him in public I would throw my shoe at him. If I missed I might just run over and try to strangle him with my sock.
March 24th, 2009 at 06:54 am
fuck holytaco
March 24th, 2009 at 06:54 am
holytaco rocks
March 24th, 2009 at 06:55 am
funny shit
March 24th, 2009 at 06:56 am
Dane Cook should win....what a fucking douche....
March 24th, 2009 at 07:41 am
All you bleeding heart ass holes blaming Erik Prince & Blackwater do not not shit about being in the military or protecting the life of others. Stick to your lilly white world of group hugs and emo feelings. As a former Spec Ops operator and full blooded american - I say "Kill em All, let god sort them out!" My vote is for all bleeding heart liberal fucktards and any hollywood actor/actress or wantabee!
March 24th, 2009 at 09:06 am
Wow, how sad for you to be so separated from reality. I'm just as much of an American as the next guy but some how I am able to value a human life! Good for you that you're a former Spec Ops operator and that you served your country, and I do mean that sincerely. But human life is something of value and needs to be considered. You can't just go out and "kill them all" because only 10% of the Muslim community represent the extremest point of view!
I understand that when it comes to kill or be killed it's a simple choice but just like you said, "let god sort them out". That's exactly what's going to happen to you, members of black water and every other living thing on this planet, I just hope you're on his good side!
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:39 am
AMEN BROTHER!
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