Welcome to the last and final day of the first round of HolyTaco's 2009 Douchebag Tournament. Before we get to today's matchups, here are the results from yesterday's games.
As you can see, we had a couple big upsets with Perez Hilton taking out Heidi and Spencer, Al Sharpton sending Joe The Plumber to the showers and Sean Avery knocking off Skip Bayless.
And now, onto day three's match-ups. Voting ends Tuesday March 25th at 12:00 noon EST. Results will be posted shortly after voting ends.
Vote on who's the bigger douche.
(4) Kanye West
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
He's so full of himself, he craps out little Kanyes every time he takes a shit.
VS
(13) David Blaine
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
I thought Blaine was a magician, but all his "magic" seems to involve him "not doing magic." No one wants to watch a guy stand on a pole for a while or take a weeklong bath in a big, glass bathtub on TV. If he was a real magician, he'd pull of the best trick ever and make the media not cover his bullshit stunts anymore.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(4) PacMan Jones
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Fool me once, shame on you, make a fool of yourself five times by doing some awesomely stupid shit that you lose millions of dollars in NFL contract money, well, shame on you, again.
VS
(13) Stephen A. Smith
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
I'M NOT SAYING ANYTHING IMPORTANT, BUT I MUST ALWAYS YELL AS LOUD AS I POSSIBLY CAN SO YOU THINK EVERYTHING I'M SAYING IS VERY, VERY IMPORTANT. FOR EXAMPLE, WATCH THIS: "I LIKE TO EAT BAGELS." THAT SOUNDED VERY IMPORTANT, DIDN'T IT? SEE, I TOLD YOU. IT WORKS.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(4) Eliot Spitzer
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
It's always fun when a moral crusader gets caught boning whores. But the fact he did it without a condom despite having a wife, makes him a criminal douchebag.
VS
(13) Bill O'Reilly
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
If Bill had an ounce of self-deprecation he might be a tolerable douchebag. But instead, he actually thinks his circus-sideshow show actually brings truth and enlightenment to America. Playing a self-righteous character who gets a bunch of illiterate, old weirdos into a froth over whatever's in the news that week isn't "enlightment." It's "douchebaggery."
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(4) Donald Trump
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
The Donald is famous for firing people for making bad business decisions, yet we can't name a single person who has run more companies into bankruptcy than The Combover. Maybe he should fire himself and get someone else to manage his companies. He raises equity, takes a piece off the top, raises debt, goes bankrupt and starts over again.
VS
(13) Tim Geithner
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
You got to love a guy who gets put in charge of collecting all the taxes yet gets busted for not paying his own. Actually, no, you don't have to love him at all.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(5) Tom Cruise
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
From the couch-jumping to the insane Scientology beliefs to marrying a girl who had his poster on her wall when she was a teenager, you really have to hand it to Tom. If douchebag was a country, he might be its president.
VS
(12) Paris Hilton
What Makes Her A Douchebag:
I can't fault her for being famous for doing nothing, that's everyone else's fault for paying attention to her. But what I can fault her for is being a vapid, idiot-slut (is "idi-slut" a new word?), who actually thinks she deserves all this attention. She's famous for having rich parents, showing people her pussy and saying the word "hot." And she's proud of that.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(5) Roger Clemens
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
The public is very forgiving. All Roger had to say was, "You know what, I wanted to extend my career. So I took steroids. I was wrong and I am sorry." If he'd just said those words, the public would think he's just slightly less of a douchebag than he is.I guess that's something.
VS
(12) Stephon Marbury
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Starbury, huh? Your nickname is Starbury? As in, "star athlete"? That just doesn't make sense. "Selfishbury" I could see. I would even understand "Failurbury" or "BadAtBasketballbury." But "Starbury"? I don't get it.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(5) Ann Coulter
What Makes Her A Douchebag:
We all know Ann's a big bag o' douche. But, as a side note, I'm willing to bet that the only way she'd ever do anal is by sticking her enormous penis inside a man's ass.
VS
(12) Harry Reid
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Liberals have a history of being total pussies. And from his track record of giving in to any opposition, pandering, and generally looking like he's always about to burst into tears, he exemplifies the classic liberal symbol of douchebaggery.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(5) John Thain
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
To paraphrase the president, Wall Street is like the Special Olympics. It’s full of retards and no one ever loses. Even executives who lost billions for their century old companies like Merrill Lynch, received bonuses for jobs poorly done. Worst of all John Thain, the former CEO of Merrill, begged congress for billions of taxpayer bailout dollars only to use much of that money to pay off his retarded workers a week before the company was shotgun married to Bank of America.
VS
(12) Rupert Murdoch
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Whether you agree his Fox News ideology or not, you should probably agree that one man's quest to own every single news outlet so he can go from having a trillion billion dollars in his wallet to having two trillion billion millions makes him either a douche or just really, really sad and lonely. Why not take up a relaxing hobby, Rupe? You're going to be dead soon.
john thain is a douchebag in an awesome way. he had a steaming bag of crap that he pulled millions out of to hook up his friends, and then sold the steaming crap to BOA.
not to mention he was full on baller in his decorating style. didn't give a F--- about prices.
then, to top it all off, there were rumours flying all over the place that he tried to get his board to hook him up with a massive bonus for pulling it off!
obama would beat them all i suspect.
in his first 60 days, his budget (our money) has already surpassed that of all other presidents combined which is causing tea parties to spring up all over. now that's historic.
How about you, for being a douche that can't spell? Just like Coulter, O'lielly, and Thrush Limburger, all you 'conservative' douches can't spell let alone think.
Do you know what conservative means you morons? It means to conserve, to save...retain. That means when we had a surplus, we retain it. When other countries start shit between them, we don't get involved.
Not that I espouse the conservative viewpoint, but how about learning about your own douchebaggery before complaining about other douchebaggery. Bunch of douching douches and the douching they attempt to douche.
And when I say I don't "espouse a viewpoint": no I do not mean I'm looking at your wife's asscrack via the reflection of your douchebag bedroom window.
Thats right douchey, I said reflection.
That's it...let the wheels spin; atta boy, are you thinking yet? Are you wondering how I could see your wifes asscrack via the reflection of your bedroom window...and better yet, what would she be doing so that I could get that view...
(61 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
March 24th, 2009 at 09:16 pm
douche!
(congratulations)
March 24th, 2009 at 09:33 pm
Kanye vs Blaine was tough for me. Kanye is a douche, but I cant stand david blaine.
And Cruise vs Hilton was tough, but Tom Cruise is an all time douche so he gets my vote
I voted for Rupert Murdoch because he is from Australia. but really for only that reason.
Elliot Spitzer, I don't know. Dude was just gettin laid.
March 24th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I love that the word douchebaggery is being used.
March 24th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
john thain is a douchebag in an awesome way. he had a steaming bag of crap that he pulled millions out of to hook up his friends, and then sold the steaming crap to BOA.
not to mention he was full on baller in his decorating style. didn't give a F--- about prices.
then, to top it all off, there were rumours flying all over the place that he tried to get his board to hook him up with a massive bonus for pulling it off!
the balls!
March 25th, 2009 at 06:33 am
obama would beat them all i suspect.
in his first 60 days, his budget (our money) has already surpassed that of all other presidents combined which is causing tea parties to spring up all over. now that's historic.
lemme draw you a picture if it helps:
http://blog.heritage.org/2009/03/24/bush-deficit-vs-obama-deficit-in-pictures/
March 25th, 2009 at 06:55 am
OBVIOUSLY a bunch of liberals voting here. O'Reilly and Coulter may be douchebags, but they're not in the same class as Spitzer and Reid.
March 25th, 2009 at 08:54 am
Coulter and O'Reilly are assholes, not douches. They don't have even the appearance of cleanliness. This whole competition is based on lies!!
March 25th, 2009 at 11:04 am
That's right, they are above both. O'Reilly and Coulter TALK about doing shit, but do nothing.
Spitzer and Reid do shit, and talk out of their asses.
By the way, I like Spitzer more than Reid...
He really is douche-milquetoast.
March 25th, 2009 at 08:41 am
What about Barrack Obama, he is the douche bag of the year and all of his clonies, USA is in a lot of trouble.
March 25th, 2009 at 11:02 am
How about you, for being a douche that can't spell? Just like Coulter, O'lielly, and Thrush Limburger, all you 'conservative' douches can't spell let alone think.
Do you know what conservative means you morons? It means to conserve, to save...retain. That means when we had a surplus, we retain it. When other countries start shit between them, we don't get involved.
Not that I espouse the conservative viewpoint, but how about learning about your own douchebaggery before complaining about other douchebaggery. Bunch of douching douches and the douching they attempt to douche.
And when I say I don't "espouse a viewpoint": no I do not mean I'm looking at your wife's asscrack via the reflection of your douchebag bedroom window.
Thats right douchey, I said reflection.
That's it...let the wheels spin; atta boy, are you thinking yet? Are you wondering how I could see your wifes asscrack via the reflection of your bedroom window...and better yet, what would she be doing so that I could get that view...
Sorry, can't help you any more than that...
...I nutted.
March 25th, 2009 at 11:28 am
This contest is basically which one of these douchbags is more famous.
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