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2009 Douchebag Tournament Round 2, Day 1

After a rousing, epic first round full of upsets and douchebags, we are on to round two of the 2009 Douchebag Tournament. We have some huge matchups today, so let’s get to it.
Vote on who you think is the bigger douchebag in each of the four match-ups below. Voting ends March 26th at 12:00 noon EST. Results will be posted shortly after voting ends.
alex rodriguez, a-rod, arod, terrell owens, to, douchebag, douchebags, douche
(1) Alex Rodriguez
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
He had no problem taking down Bill Belichick in the first round, but where do you start with A-Rod? He was numero douche-o way before his steroid scandal started. The certified clubhouse cancer, collects hundreds of millions of dollars all year long…except in October, when he seems to collect nothing but strikeouts.
(8) Terrell Owens
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
TO KO’d Duke University in round 1. You know why T.O. is a douchebag. But if you don’t: he’s a me-first prima donna who is such a clubhouse cancer that he’s actually playing in Buffalo now.
 (Note: Poll results are slightly delayed)
(1) Chris Brown
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
He "beat" Seacrest easily in the first round because Chris is a #1 seed for one very obvious reason: His music sucks. Oh, and he hits women.
(8) Sean Penn
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
You never have to wonder what Sean Penn is thinking about a topic because he’s always screaming his opinions in your face.
(Note: Poll results are slightly delayed)
rush limbaugh douchebag, sarah palin, douchebag
(1) Rush Limbaugh
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Rush took down Arianna Huffington in the first round. There’s nothing more annoying than getting a lecture on morality and conservatism by a drug addict who can’t stop shoving ho-hos into his big, fat face.

(8) Sarah Palin
What Makes Her A Douchebag:
Sarah had no problem handling Keith Olbermann in round 1 because Sarah’s kind of a really big douchebag. She ran for Vice President with a straight face despite her inability to understand basic laws and legislation. She’s also a douchebag because of her steadfast devotion to abstinence education despite having a pregnant teen daughter. If you need more examples, just type "Sarah Palin" into any web browser and I’m sure whatever comes up with prove her douchebaggery.
 (Note: Poll results are slightly delayed)
bernie madoff, douche, douchebag, douchebags
(1) Bernie Madoff
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
A favorite to win this whole tournament, Bernie schemed his way to victory over Richard Branson int he first round. You already know why Bernie is a number one seed. But why not check out Bernie Madoff’s prison Twitter page.
(8) CEOs of the Big Three Automakers
What Makes Them Douchebags:
They had no problem mopping the floor with Jimmy Cayne in round one. Aside from having the gall to fly private jets to D.C. to beg for taxpayer money, these "businessmen" managed to run some of the world’s most profitable companies into the ground by building shitty, expensive cars that get the gas mileage of a 747 for decades in the face of an oncoming energy crisis.
 (Note: Poll results are slightly delayed)

78 Responses to "2009 Douchebag Tournament Round 2, Day 1"

  1. Anonymous says:

    Yet people flock to this country when they need an urgent operation or even just want quality health care.

  2. Chris says:

    Why is Glenn Beck not in the tournament?

  3. Anonymous says:

    LOL agreed.

  4. Anonymous says:

    And you are clearly a doucebag, too. Vince is a doucebag, and you worship him!

  5. Crackbob says:

    Come on people! A-Rod is going to lose to TO? A-Rod is the super-douche of the moment. He should easily win the sports bracket outright.


  6. Louie says:

    I couldn’t vote for either Rush or Sarah Palin. They are both good, strong conservative Americans who love America the way it used to be, and the way it can be. They despise what Obama, Pelosi, and the rest of the liberal douches are trying to do to our beloved country by turning it into just another European country like France or Sweden.

  7. Matt says:

    Amen Louie!

  8. warvette says:

    Rumor is Fred Savage is also Michael Moore.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Lulz. Yup, bring it back to the times when blacks counted for less than a whole person, women had the right to be housewives and nothing else, consenting adults were prosecuted for having homosexual sex, Christianity was shoved down society’s throat and states refused to be governed by a federal authority.

    Goddamnit, I miss those days. Lead us back, Oh Mighty Rush! Show us the way, Saint Palin!

  10. Chilly Chill says:

    are you seriously defending rush?

  11. Anonymous says:

    I had to change my vote from TO to arod. TO was given an award today from the Alzheimer association for contributing time and money towards finding a cure. What does arod do with his time besides banging hookers and being a total douchebag?

  12. azalea says:

    Only if the dildo with the bot or whatever doesn’t show up again.

  13. Anonymous says:

    How did Bobby Jindal not make the tournament? http://slumdoggovernor.com/Home_files/jinlim.jpg

  14. Anonymous says:

    seriosuly i am not saying this to be political but why is nacy peloci not on this list … i mean for saying america will lose 500 million jobs this year . owning jets that she uses tax payer money to fuel but then bitches the auto makers out for haveing jats …umm for haveing a iq score lower then a funtionally retarded person

  15. Anonymous's mom says:

    “back to the times when blacks counted for less than a whole person”

    Whaa? Are you implying they count as anything more right now?

  16. Anonymous says:

    hey chris why arent you in the tournament? you seem to me to be a pretty big douchebag

  17. Leo says:

    By pwning Prop 8 supporters, Sean Penn should be disqualified from the douche tournament solely for that

  18. Louie says:

    What a fucking completely douchey statement that is. OK, people are really left to die in the streets of America. Holy Mother of God, I can’t even comprehend the douchiness of it…..Typically unhinged Lefty argument.

  19. Anonymous says:

    yeah, but that’s just it. a-rod is the super-douche of the moment, but t.o. has been a douche his ENTIRE CAREER.

  20. Penis says:

    How about, whoever wins, the writers of HolyTaco have to make a legitimate attempt to assassinate.

  21. Chris says:

    Awesome. That should be a good match.

  22. warvette says:

    Holy shit, THAT just HAPPENED.

  23. thebaker says:

    No, he’s saying it because he’s a fackin’ moron.

  24. Disasteroid says:

    Palin was a heartbeat away from a septagenarian heart that was tortured in Vietnam. You gotta be kidding me.

    PALIN for D-BAG

  25. Anonymous says:

    Louie is why America sucks :( All the religious dolts should build themselves a space arc and go looking for god in space leaving the earth for non believing non sheep. Now, continue blowing Rush, Louie.

  26. WaffleCake says:


  27. Anonymous says:

    Your government spends more money on people with big shiny guns than it does on it citizens healthcare.

  28. Anonymous says:

    you mean the Sweden and France that get taxed 70% of their income and get shitty state-sponsored health care? with stagnant, bureaucratic economies? and 2 of the countries that told us to NOT spend like crazy like the dems in power want? dumb shit.

  29. Fozzi says:

    sounds good to me fucker

  30. grampsy says:

    Obama’s not on the list cuz he’d win too fast… that wouldn’t be any fun

  31. Anonymous says:

    i second that. which is why i went with the automakers. madoff didn’t fly a private jet to his indictment. and even if he had, he wouldn’t have been pleading to save the auto industry

  32. Anonymous says:

    Is this the rumor that started your tantrum?


  33. Anonymous says:

    No, that doesn’t sound political at all…

  34. Louie says:

    Typical liberal, they throw ridiculous statements out there, and the minute you challenge them, they back off and say they exaggerated. You douche.

  35. Anonymous says:

    Sorry dude, we had 8 years of the conservative agenda and it has damn near destroyed America. And god forbid we live in a country like France or Sweden where you don’t have to sell your house to pay for stupid fucking medical bills. Asshat.

  36. Dan says:

    Amen Louie!!! The people saying “You don’t like Obama cause he is black” should be on the list to vote for being douchebags.

  37. Anonymous says:

    OK, i exaggerated. They don’t die in the streets, they die of easily treatable diseases at home because they can’t afford to see a doctor.

  38. Anonymous says:

    “umm for haveing a iq score lower then a funtionally retarded person”

    I can find at least three errors in this sentence…and you’re saying she has a low I.Q.?

  39. Anonymous says:

    old america – discrimination = perfect country, end of story.

  40. Whatever says:

    The real question is: why aren’t YOU on this list? People who type like they’re retarded (you) probably shouldn’t toss around that word too much.

  41. Anonymous says:

    He is. He’s going up against Michael Moore soon.

  42. Anonymous says:

    Unless they’re 1 of the 50 million uninsured Americans who are left to die in the fucking street.

  43. Louie says:

    Hey, anonymous douche, just because I used the phrase “Holy Mother of God” doesn’t make me a religious kook. It happens to be a humorous phrase, but then, you wouldn’t know humor if it ran up and bit you in your enormous, douchebaggy liberal ass. Now, go lick Obama’s smelly balls, will ya?

  44. rfgh says:

    Louie hates black people. FYI.

  45. Anonymous says:

    A-rod likes hookers! he should bone them in october so he can finally get that “Home run” he needs. as for rush….everyone knows he’s really fred savage right?

  46. Crackbob says:

    You’re just saying that because he’s black.


  47. Anonymous says:

    Palin v Rush Limbaugh in Round 2?
    You guys need to work on your seeding.

  48. Anonymous says:

    I know his “current” politics, and I still think he’s a douche.

  49. Mike Anderson says:

    Rush is not drug-addicted or fat anymore. At least get your facts right. You probably don’t even know what his current politics are. Way to base his douche bio on your opinions from the 1990s.

  50. Anonymous says:

    you are crazy to think that rush politics are different from the 90′s. In one way they maybe are….WORSE. and he is still fat…watch some more of his recent videos…will not be that ignorant anymore.

  51. Chris says:

    He didn´t just steal from rich people. He knowingly stole from numerous charities, pension funds and banks. The CEO´s of the big three, while perhaps incompetent, were given money from the federal government. There´s no comparison.

  52. Dom says:

    At least Madoff stole from other rich people. The CEO’s of the three automakers stole from everyone.

  53. Pratik says:

    I thought Madoff stole from entire corporations, which ended up bankrupting a ton of regular people who had their retirement set up in said stolen funds.

  54. a.m. says:

    Yes, this was my thinking.

  55. Anonymous says:

    Nah, it’s her faux “folsky” persona, her less than developed sense of humor, her constant whining that the media was out to get her, and her pretentious attempts at sounding cultured. She’s a fucking moron.

    Man, and I’m a right-leaning independent. I wonder what the libs think about her?

  56. Fozzi says:

    So they like her political views but don’t like her hairstyle?
    I mean other than her political views what else matters when it comes to a politician? Or could you not think of a reason that she is a douche? Yep thats probably it, you douche.

  57. Anonymous says:

    Yeah, rape kits. The kits they use to sample and preserve evidence removed from females’ bodies in cases of alleged rape.

  58. Anonymous says:

    That story was proven to be made up by some lefty douche bag, you douche. Make sure your insults are based on facts not a made up story. Douche

  59. Ookla the Mok says:

    “rape kit” ??? LOL!

  60. Berbalerbs says:

    Um, she charges girls for rape kits in Alaska…I’d say that’s pretty douche-tastic.

    I voted for Rush, I’m just sayin is all…

  61. Penis says:

    Fuck people who can’t spell a name as simple as Penis!

  62. Paul says:

    suck my pennis

  63. Anonymous says:

    FUCK people who cant tell the difference between pene (penis) and penne (tasty italian noodles)

  64. fiajsdofjasfd says:

    the spanish word for penis is PENE.

  65. Anonymous says:

    i thought that was italian for pasta

  66. Anonymous says:

    Palins not a douche. Way to stuff the contest with people you simply do not agree with. Limbaugh is the clear winner in that match. Politics aside, he is douchey. I think people will find it hard to vote for the real doosh instead of the one whos politics they do not agree with. Lameness. That will pollute the results of this race.

  67. Anonymous says:

    Nah, she’s a douche too. I know of plenty of people that side with her politically that think she’s a total joke.

  68. Buddy Ice says:

    I agree, I’d say she’s more of a bimbo than a douche.

  69. Anonymous says:

    Agreed, she should have lost to Olbermann, if anything Olbermann should have been given a pass all the way to the finals for his level of douchiness. If there was a Mt. Rushmore of Douches, Olbermann would have all four faces to himself.

  70. Anonymous says:

    Rush all the way. Hands-down.

  71. Fozzi says:

    All the politics aside. T.O. is cearly the biggest one in this whole contest.

  72. Penis says:


    I think Octomom, AIG, Chris Brown, Tom Cruise, Rush Limbaugh, and Bill O’reilly are the hot picks.

    The sports division isnt really that strong IMO

  73. cory says:
    If this counts as the playoffs, then A-Rod should definitely choke. Good call.
  74. Buddy Ice says:

    Way to go Gay-Rod, choking again I see. He can’t lose to T.O.; T.O. is a d-bag for sure, but not in the Gay-Rod class.

  75. Chris says:

    Fuck Chris Brown and fuck people that can’t spell a name as simple as Penn.

  76. Paul says:

    Come on, Sean Pinn is one of the biggest douchers around.. chris brown my of hit rihanna, but sean pinn would of hit her, sued her, and and lobbyed congress to put a ban on her.

  77. Anonymous says:

    Madoff is an asshole, not a douchebag ceos win on technicality

  78. DENVER FTW!! says:

    Palin really needs to win this tournament. First Female D-Bag winner?