Welcome to HolyTaco's 2009 Douchebag Tournament. It's the only tournament in the world that pits 64 douchebags in a winner-take-all tourney, voted on by you, to determine who is crowned the Biggest Douchebag of 2009.
We took 16 douchebags from the fields of Entertainment, Sports, Business, and Politics, ranked them accordingly and matched them up in a manner similar to a crazy tournament between February and April that we can't name due to legal issues. So, the #1 ranked douchebag in each division plays the #16 ranked douchebag, the #2 ranked douchebag plays the #15 ranked douchebag and so on.
And now, the first round of games are underway. Vote on who you think is the bigger douchebag in each of the eight match-ups below. Voting ends March 20th at 12:00 noon EST. Results will be posted shortly after voting ends.
Vote on who's the bigger douche. You can vote as many times as you want. Just refresh the page and vote again.
(1) Chris Brown
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Chris is a #1 seed for one very obvious reason: His music sucks. Oh, and he hits women.
VS.
(16) Ryan Seacrest
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
The perennial douchebag, Seacrest's combines a pretty boy smugness with the world's blandest personality. Listening to him suck up to celebrities and pretend that photos of Brad Pitt walking into a Starbucks is actual news makes you want to move to Russia. Seacrest out (of everything except the closet.)
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(1) Alex Rodriguez
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Where do you start with A-Rod? He was numero douche-o way before his steroid scandal started. The certified clubhouse cancer, collects hundreds of millions of dollars all year long...except in October, when he seems to collect nothing but strikeouts.
(16) Bill Belichick
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Bill may have invented arrogance. And sure, when you're good, you're good. But when you have Tom Brady, you should be good. And when you (allegedly) record other teams practices, you should be REALLY good. Take away both of those, and the boy genius doesn't make the playoffs.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(1) Bernie Madoff
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
A favorite to win this whole tournament, you already know why Bernie is a number one seed. But why not check out Bernie Madoff's prison Twitter page.
(16) Richard Branson
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Branson is a pompous douchebag who's so rich he tries to fly balloons across the globe. The problem is, when his balloons crash, which they inevitably do, little people like fireman, the Coast Guard and the police have to risk their lives to save him.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(1) Rush Limbaugh
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
There's nothing more annoying than getting a lecture on morality and conservatism by a drug addict who can't stop shoving ho-hos into his big, fat face.
(16) Arianna Huffington
What Makes Her A Douchebag:
Waving your finger at Fox News as a biased news organization only out to promote the tenets of Republican party ideals is like the pot calling the kettle a liberal, pinko Commie.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(8) CEOs of the Big Three Automakers
What Makes Them Douchebags:
Aside from having the gall to fly private jets to D.C. to beg for taxpayer money, these "businessmen" managed to run some of the world's most profitable companies into the ground by building shitty, expensive cars that get the gas mileage of a 747 for decades in the face of an oncoming energy crisis.
(9) Jimmy Cayne - Ex-CEO of Bear Stearns
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
If Jimmy was a character in a movie, his antics of leaving a conference call to play in a bridge tournament during the night of a severe Bear Stearns financial crisis might make him look like a carefree badass. But he's not in a movie, he's in charge of people's jobs and life savings.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(8) Sean Penn
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
You never have to wonder what Sean Penn is thinking about a topic because he's always screaming his opinions in your face.
VS.
(9) Jimmy Fallon
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Let's get this straight. Jimmy Fallon giggled through SNL sketches like a stoned schoolgirl from 1999-2004. Then he starred in the movies Taxi and Fever Pitch. And now he has his own late night show while Tracey Morgan does not? Sorry, Jimmy, that makes you a douche.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(8) Terell Owens
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
You know why T.O. is a douchebag. But if you don't: he's a me-first prima donna who is such a clubhouse cancer that he's actually playing in Buffalo now.
(9) Duke University
What Makes All Of Them Douchebags:
It seems that the only question on the Duke University Application Form is: "Are you a rich, white asshole who's filled with an enormous sense of entitlement?" If you answer "yes" then you're automatically accepted.
(Note: Voting results are slightly delayed.)
(8) Keith Olbermann
What Makes Him A Douchebag:
Keith Olbermann is the kind of conceited douchebag who talks down to you little idiot peons for 20 minutes straight and then ends his rant with "Good day, sir!" to make himself sound more dignified. It's not 1840, you pompous douchebag.
VS:
(9) Sarah Palin
What Makes Her A Douchebag:
Sarah's a douchebag because she ran for Vice President with a straight face despite her inability to understand basic laws and legislation. She's also a douchebag because of her steadfast devotion to abstinence education despite having a pregnant teen daughter. If you need more examples, just type "Sarah Palin" into any web browser and I'm sure whatever comes up with prove her douchebaggery.
Calling someone a faggot does not disprove anything. Then again, comparing Obama to Stalin without any facts doesn't prove anything, other than both of you are idiots.
How does Obama equate to Stalin exactly? Do you really know what the fuck you're talking about?
Bush tossed Obama a flaming potato and basically said - "Catch... You can fix my fuck ups, since I had eight years to double the national debt from $5.4 trillion to $10.2 trillion".
It only took the last 230 years of American history to accumulate the first $5 trillion... But hey, Bush went to war on terrorism, didn't he?
What terrorism? You mean the controlled demolition of WTC? Building 7 collapsed hours later after only sustaining a small fire. The pentagon was hit by a missile. The anthrax in the mail has been identified as a strain developed by the CIA.
Timothy McVey is your terrorist. Curious how he got captured 45 minutes after the Oklahoma City bombing, but the greatest manhunt in history can't find some guy hiding in a cave.
(65 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
March 20th, 2009 at 01:42 am
If u need anymore prof of her being a douche ask her what the Bush Doctrine is.
March 19th, 2009 at 06:12 pm
You missed Obama vs. Stalin. Its a tie.
March 19th, 2009 at 08:06 pm
FUCKING FAGOT.
March 20th, 2009 at 01:40 am
Agreed
March 20th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
Disagree.
March 25th, 2009 at 01:58 am
Calling someone a faggot does not disprove anything. Then again, comparing Obama to Stalin without any facts doesn't prove anything, other than both of you are idiots.
March 19th, 2009 at 08:14 pm
How does Obama equate to Stalin exactly? Do you really know what the fuck you're talking about?
Bush tossed Obama a flaming potato and basically said - "Catch... You can fix my fuck ups, since I had eight years to double the national debt from $5.4 trillion to $10.2 trillion".
It only took the last 230 years of American history to accumulate the first $5 trillion... But hey, Bush went to war on terrorism, didn't he?
March 20th, 2009 at 03:48 am
Last time I checked the terrorists went to war with us right?
March 20th, 2009 at 03:32 pm
What terrorism? You mean the controlled demolition of WTC? Building 7 collapsed hours later after only sustaining a small fire. The pentagon was hit by a missile. The anthrax in the mail has been identified as a strain developed by the CIA.
Timothy McVey is your terrorist. Curious how he got captured 45 minutes after the Oklahoma City bombing, but the greatest manhunt in history can't find some guy hiding in a cave.
March 20th, 2009 at 08:15 am
TG = douche.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
Olbermann is no douche , he is my hero
March 20th, 2009 at 03:41 am
don't forget, conservatives = self righteous douchebags
March 20th, 2009 at 08:10 am
Obama needs to be up here, as with Pelosi. She's almost a bigger douche than obama.
March 20th, 2009 at 08:14 am
don't forget, Liberals have less brain cells then human beings.
March 20th, 2009 at 08:49 am
You mean "Liberals have less brain cells THAN human beings." You must be a Liberal.
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