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2010 Douchebag Tournament: Elite 8!

Before we get to the Elite 8 match-ups, let’s take a look at the results from yesterday’s contests:
 
ENTERTAINMENT
(1) Kanye West – 80.3%                  defeated                 (4) Lady Gaga – 19.7%
(3) Jay Leno – 62.5%                       defeated                 (2) Jeff Zucker – 37.5%

SPORTS
(6) The Yankees – 55%                    defeated                 (2) Tim Tebow – 45%
(9) Jimmy Clausen – 75%               defeated                (12) Tony Kornheiser – 25%
 
POLITICS
(1) Glenn Beck – 67.5%                   defeated                 (4) Pat Robertson – 32.5%
(2) Sarah Palin – 52.7%                   defeated                 (6) Ann Coulter – 47.3%
 
BUSINESS
(1) Jim Kramer – 51%                     defeated                (12) Prince Al-Waleed – 49%
(2) Joe Francis – 70.2%                   defeated                 (6) Joe Cassano – 29.8%
 
With the exception of the 6-seed Yankees knocking out 2-seed Tebow, yesterday’s contests were pretty much by the books. Leno knocked out Jeff Zucker, proving that people just really hate Jay Leno. Let’s get into today’s match-ups: The Elite 8!
 
 
(1) Kanye West
Round 1: defeated Jon Gosselin, Round 2: defeated John Mayer, Sweet 16: defeated Lady Gaga
Kanye has had an incredibly douchey year, making him a formidable foe for anyone who’s trying to wear the crown of Douchebag of the Year. It’s interesting that the two division finalists are competitors who had a flair-up of douchiness this year, rather than someone like Charlie Sheen or John Mayer, who’s just consistently douchey all the time. It’s going to take an incredibly douchey outburst to top Kanye’s MTV Music Video Awards antics, but if there’s anyone who can compete, it’s got to be:
 
(3) Jay Leno
Round 1: defeated R.Pattinson, Round 2: defeated Spencer & Heidi, Sweet 16: defeated J. Zucker
Jay Leno has dominated every competitor he’s come up against. He’s manhandled his opponents with the furvor a corporate executive shaking a late night talk show host around like a ragdoll, including his last opponent, Jeff Zucker, who is a corporate executive who shook a late night talk show host around like a ragdoll. Leno may have had a more active role in the CoCo debauchle than he’s letting on, but one thing is for sure: people f*cking HATE Jay Leno, and while that weakens his chances of getting home from work every night, it strengthens his odds of dominating this tournament.
 
 
 
(9) Jimmy Clausen
Round 1: defeated L. Kiffin, Round 2: defeated T. Woods, Sweet 16: defeated T. Kornheiser
Jimmy Clausen is the lowest seed remaining in the tournament, but don’t let that fool you: he’s taken out some of the Sports Division’s toughest competitors, including the 1-seed and predicted finalist Tiger Woods. The name may not be household, but make no mistake about it: Jimmy Clausen is a massive douchebag, and the world knows it.
 
(6) The New York Yankees
Round 1: defeated S. Sosa, Round 2: defeated G.Arenas, Sweet 16: defeated T. Tebow
Like Clausen, the Yankees have demolished some tough competition on their road to the Elite 8. They took out 2-seed Tim Tebow in the last round, and we thought that Tebow would be a sure bet in the Final Four, especially after Tiger Woods was knocked out in the 2nd round. We forgot how much people hate the Yankees, and that’s ultimately what this battle (and therefore the Sports Division) is going to come down to: how many people hate the Yankees.
 
 
(1) Glenn Beck
Round 1: defeated S. Brown, Round 2: defeated B. Frank, Sweet 16: defeated P. Robertson
With the exception of Beck’s Sweet 16 win over Pat Robertson, his wins so far have been fairly easy and predictable. Round 2 was a partisan battle between Beck and Barney Frank, so it was easy for voters to decide who they like or hated, simply based on the competitor’s political standing. Beck’s defeat of Pat Robertson in the Sweet 16 solidified his position as a 1-seed though: that win can’t be attributed to political lines or name recognition alone: that was pure douchebaggery at work.
 
(2) Sarah Palin
Round 1: defeated D. Paterson, Round 2: defeated J. Edwards, Sweet 16: defeated A. Coulter
Palin’s track record in the tournament thus far has almost mirrored that of 1-seed Glenn Beck. Here first round win over low-seeded New York Governor David Paterson was an easy one. The John Edwards defeat in Round 2 can be attributed to party-lines, like Beck’s defeat of Barney Frank.  In the Sweet 16, Palin defeated fellow conservative spokeswoman Ann Coulter, signifying that Palin’s full of enough douche to staff an Abercrombie & Fitch store at the mall.
 
 
(1) Jim Kramer
Round 1: defeated R. Rajaratnam, Round 2: defeated J. Thain, Sweet 16: defeated Al-Waleed
Jim Kramer hasn’t really faced any highly-ranked competition thus far in the tournament.  He took out a 16-seed (Raj Rajaratnam), a 9-seed (John Thain), and a short-lived darkhorse 12-seed (Prince Al-Waleed) in the Sweet 16 round, but this match-up against 2-seed Joe Francis will be his first serious contest of the tournament.  Let’s hope he saved a little bit of douchiness.
 
(2) Joe Francis
Round 1: defeated S. Israel, Round 2: defeated V.Pandit, Sweet 16: defeated J. Cassano
Joe Francis has beaten sleazy businessmen in this tournament like they were women in Los Angeles night clubs (get it? Because he did that. He beat a woman in a night club in Los Angeles). He’s taken out some of the greediest motherf*ckers in the world, and he hasn’t just slipped by them, either; he’s beaten the hell out of them. Francis is a serious contender in the tournament, and Kramer really hasn’t seen any serious competition yet, so the match-up should be interesting.
 

36 Responses to "2010 Douchebag Tournament: Elite 8!"

  1. Jacques says:

    Hacks.

  2. Suk it Cali says:

    I dont like his white half either.

  3. fuck off says:

    So the only reason you can dislike the president is if you’re a racist? That is an epic fail fuckstick. Tossing the race card is a copout to an actual debate on issues. How about we just dislike the president because we do not like the direction he’s taking us or the debt he keeps piling up. Tossing out the race card it the comeback of an uneducated, reactionary dumbass.

  4. Tater says:

    except for his throwing motion..

    HI-YO!

  5. because says:

    there isn’t anything wrong with tebow

  6. Sport6 says:

    Seriously how did the Yankees defeat Tim Tebow?

    Even from a Red Sox fan.

  7. Tater says:

    +10000000000000000

    Couldn’t agree more. Been spamming that in the comments for weeks now. Truly a shame that just because he is a democrat it makes his douchebag behavior okay.

  8. Tater says:

    I think she won last year.

  9. Left of Center says:

    Adolf Judas Obama! Thats a new one! Kinda funny if you think about it on a genocidal douchebag kind of way! You, Exile, would have made a pretty good run in this tourney! But I’m wondering where the whole Judas thing came in…I thought you racists prefered using the middle name Hussein.

  10. Left of Center says:

    What makes me laugh the most are the HT haters who want to bitch about its’ content, but still log on! Definition of Hypocrite!

  11. Bosco says:

    I’m still baffled as to how Sarah Palin is more of a douchebag than John Edwards. I mean, if you got rid of their political affiliations, who would win then? It would be a no brainer. The guy cheated on his cancer stricken wife, and got his mistress pregnant! And on top of that, instead of just admitting to it, he tried to get one of his assistants to take the heat for it. And its not like his assistant was a single guy… he was married. So John Edwards was ok with this guy taking the heat and destroying his own marriage, just so he could save his own. John Edwards should’ve won this whole tournament, hands down.

  12. Barn Door says:

    yawn

  13. Pony Boy says:

    Yes, lets bring back George Bush or better yet, vote in Sarah Palin. That’ll fix America.

  14. My penis tastes like strawberries. Trust me. says:

    I know! He hasn’t even shown us a birth certificate yet! That secret Muslim, nWo, freemason reptilian nazicommiefascist antichrist! Wait!?

  15. Risky says:

    Jim Kramer earned some cool points for being in arrested development and raising the Bluths up to Risky. Joe Francis is probably a Never Nude and an all around douche

  16. scheme factory says:

    can i write in octomom?

  17. Exile says:

    Biggest Douchebag Ballot

    Politics – Adolf Judas Obama
    Entertainment – Adolf Judas Obama
    Sports – Adolf Judas Obama
    Business – Adolf “Never had a Real Job” Judas Obama
    Arrogant Obama Puppets that are destroying the once greatest country in the world – Bart Stupak

    Fuck you democrats. God I wish I had enough rope to strangle each one of you commies.

  18. John says:

    wow guess people think pat robertson’s theory of the haitian earthquake is believable. most of the people who vote in this arent just douchebags themselves, they’re fucking retarded.

  19. Left of Center says:

    OH YEAH forgot, I suck meaty beef stick after a visit at the fudge factory.

  20. repripper says:

    yeah, if you’re gonna go political, might as well give each party a cadidate. Instead of revealing your biases. PELOSI/PALIN? REID/McCONNELL? BECK/OBERMAN?

    but seriously if all these cleft-taints were in the running, we all know tha Oberman would win in a land slide….seriously turn him on your TV and feel the douchey fumes being emitted, but dont get too close, its been proven to be cancerous.

  21. shitdick says:

    HAHA WAY TO JUMP ON THE WAGON!!

  22. justin says:
    Yeah! Screw you, HT!
  23. Left of Center says:

    Hey you dont like it, no one holding a gun to your head to get on this site.

  24. Pony Boy says:

    Didn’t you get the memo? Fag doesn’t mean gay anymore. A fag is a douche. Like you.

  25. Ronnie says:

    Ha, I remember when Ht had links up for some site making fun of people who are against gay marriage, then today they have links with the headline “Ed Cullen is a fag”. You libtards can’t have it both ways. Considering your main site is BREAK, which post the gayest videos ever, it’s no wonder this site has gotten so lame. Justin can’t even explain why this contest omitted Al Gore, Michael Moore, Sean “Dictator-loving” Penn, or even Wyclef Jean, who stole from his own Haiti charity.

    Justin, Keep reposting the same articles, and the same gay links, maybe some dumbfuck who got lost searching for Break,com will find this site.

    p.s. Posting the “13 Epic Beer Guts” link 6 times in just 10 days is really weak.

  26. Smell My Finger says:

    Ronnie – right on!

    HT sucks balls out loud! No Olbermann, no Al Gore, no Michael Moore. How about that commie-loving, bong-smoking, turd Sean Penn?

    Oh wait, I forgot, HT is 100% liberal shill, 100% of the time!

    TheChive here I come! (Are they ghey too? Probably…)

  27. Jack says:

    Agree as well. Final should’ve been Robertson v Perez Hilton.

  28. donato says:

    I have to agree. Any person who says that Haiti deserved the earthquake cuz they aren’t of the same religious beliefs deserves to fry himself.

  29. pratik says:

    Pat Robertson got beat by Glenn Beck?? Fucking travesty.

  30. Jack says:

    You’ve all made completely the wrong choice in the politics section. Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin are just idiots – they’re douchebags because they don’t know any better. Pat Robertson and Ann Coulter are cold-blooded, cold-hearted douchebags who behave that way just to be malicious.

    Without Pat Robertson and Perez Hilton, the tournament’s basically pointless, and just full of obvious choices I don’t care about.

  31. office jerk says:

    Well, think of it as a 2010 Census for Holy Taco. It shows the authors what demographic reads their webpage, and can adjust their content accordingly.

  32. brand new bag says:

    funny how only 3 actual dooshbags made it to the final 8. change name to ‘who do you hate the most’

    must rememebr to subtract self from HT reader crowd

    idiots

  33. justin says:
    Olbermann was eliminated in the first round. You should’ve followed the whole tourny instead of dropping in in the middle of it and then voicing your opinion on something you’re not familiar with.
  34. Ronnie says:

    How does Palin defeat John Edwards? Do HT readers know what J. Edwards did to his family? Also, how how could any straight guy vote in favor of Barney Frank? The stuttering, lispy, flamer who hired a male prostitute.

    And Where is Al Gore? Ever since climategate he has been quite, and it’s odd he was omitted from this. No Keith Olbermann either?

    HT is ghey.

  35. DonkeyXote says:

    Hey you guys, I just participated in a donkeyshow! Now I know why my parents named me after one!