This time of year, the headlines are dominated by seasonal fluff. If you want to make your fluff standout, you need to put in the extra effort required to make it titillating and nothing elates tits more than a bit of the old Christmas nasty. With the help of our intern masters Google, we’re able to see, as of 7PM EST on Christmas day, just what the world’s been posting online with the keywords “Christmas sex.” Will the results be awesome? Let’s look!
Canadians are a happy, cheery bunch and to celebrate the season in Vancouver the local paper decided to do a story on people who embody the holiday spirit the most – hookers. Yes, the sex trade is all about giving – giving hummers, giving VD, it’s a delight. Unless you read the article, at which point it becomes a bummer about minorities in the sex trade and danger and shit like that. But it does have a fun, festive angle and that’s what you need to sell papers at Christmas! Assuming they still print papers on paper. Do they do that?
Is it Disrespectful to have Sex on Christmas?
Yahoo answers is one of the greatest thing humankind has ever achieved. It’s s though all the cumulative knowledge we as a species have pooled up to this point has been tossed out the window. What can they tell us about Christmas?
The answers are pretty much what you’d expect from Yahoo, none of which touch on rationality or sense, but it doesn’t matter. The question really captures the spirit of the season and makes us all feel warm. Except her husband.
Ask a Brah who Turned Down Christmas Sex
If you’re like me, you probably think a body building forum is a good place to go for enlightened and deep conversation on any number of weighty and important topics. So this happened.
Boasting about sex is as timeless as anything, but the addition of “Christmas lunch come at me bro” was pretty classy.
I Had Sex on this Christmas Song
You might recognize IGN as a website most devoted to video gaming. But, when the festive season rolls around, they also devote bandwidth to posts in which users let us know that they had sex “on” Let it Snow by Dean Martin. Whether that means they screwed on the album itself, or they got high on Dean Martin or they just have shitty grammar is anyone’s guess.
I Will Have Christmas Sex on You
Tigerboard seems to be a sports website of some kind, complete with a forum where a discussion ended in this post.
Yes, Mr. Picklecopter plans to have sex on you. On Christmas. All over your car door. It was in response to a post about TNT airing War of the Worlds. Makes sense.
Has Anyone Had Sex with the Christmas Turkey Yet?
Naturally this was found on Yahoo answers but to my dismay, when I clicked the link, the question had been deleted. Probably by a bunch of turkey humpers who didn’t want to share. Thank God for Google cache!
God, what a wonderful Christmas it was! Feel free to share your stories in the comments section.