As most of us get ready to indulge in another year of kickassery slathered in awesome sauce, talking to hot babes and wearing the most luxurious of knee socks, some of us are taping our glasses and visibly twitching with unrestrained glee as the prospect of a new year full of nerdy loot approaches. What treasures does 2012 hold for the socially maladjusted and virginal? Good thing HT editors fit the bill so we can flesh out this article with examples of some of the ultra coolest nerdery to look forward to in 2012. Buckle up those suspenders, it’s going to be totally rad!
Game of Thrones
The coolest show ever in which it seems like no one is safe from dying, there are boobies as far as the eye can see, a handful of dragons, evil snow monsters, a witty dwarf, incest and more violence than a European soccer game, you can’t not watch Game of Thrones if you enjoy television at all. Read the books, too.
Whether or not you find the pacing and characters on the show infuriating, the fact remains it’s visually awesome, it’s based on a great comic book and it’s the only show about zombies on TV because no one else got the memo that everyone has loved zombies since the early 1980s. it comes back from hiatus in 2012 and it better introduce the Governor. Properly.
Yet another brain fart of JJ Abrams, don’t let the fact he starts awesome then fails miserably make you leery of a show about Alcatraz and disappearing/reappearing prisoners. Worst case scenario it has one good season then turns into Heroes or some shit. How did they end that crap fest anyway?
We’ve already written articles about it and you’ve already seen previews for it, not to mention the half dozen or so movies that are basically prequels to it – this is the real deal, one of the most ambitious projects in the history of cinema, a massive character cross over drawing storylines in from no less than five previous films, even if it sucks so many balls it’s still going to be huge and you’re still going to want to see it just to watch the one scene you know will be in the movie when Captain America, Iron Man, Thor and the Hulk are all beating the snot out of the same guy at the same time. Plus there’s Scarlett Johansson.
World War Z
Taking zombie sup a notch is World WarZ, based on the book of the same name that chronicles the aftermath of a zombie plague that swept the entire planet, giving you glimpses into how it started, how it spread, how it was fought and how it ended. It’s the most extensively awesome piece of zombie fiction out there, so let’s hope no one screws it up in transition to film. Underwater zombies ahoy.
10 years ago Peter Jackson did the unthinkable – he took an epic fantasy tale and made it legitimate art and proved people would pay again and again to see long ass movies cut into three parts. Gone are the days of crap like Krull and Red Sonja, we’re living in the golden age of speculative fiction as a legit form of art, both in print and on film. It’s because of Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings that we even have Game of Thrones on TV now so show some respect and go see the Hobbit. You know it’s going to kick ass.
The Dark Knight Rises
Christopher Nolan’s final bite of Batman’s dark, surly apple features a Batman villain most people who don’t read comics have never heard of and a storyline set years after the last movie. You don’t even need to ask if it’ll be awesome though because it’s Batman. Batman is so awesome, Adam West is still employed. Think about it.
Remember when your parents told you stories of how they went to see Spiderman when they were kids? Congratulations, you’re a fetus and your parents are teenagers. Yeah, Sam Raimi made Spiderman like a decade ago, but they rebooted it anyway because money is awesome and you’ll give it to a guy who in turn will give you a ticket to see this movie which will explain to you the origin of Spiderman as depicted in that 10 year old movie, a bunch of cartoons and comics and probably that old TV show, too. But it’ll look super cool, no doubt.
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
Haven’t heard of this movie yet? Does it matter? Do we even need to spend a word explaining the plot? You can see what it’s called. You’re going to go see it.
For the slightly higher class nerd not into comic books and fantasy, Ridley Scott wants to take you back to the 1970s with a world full of phallic aliens and acid spit. Except this time there are no phallic aliens and acid spit. It’s hard to say what there’s going to be in here, but just trust that it has something maybe sorta kinda to do with that ship they find in the movie Alien and it’s like a prequel or whatever, or maybe not, but shh. Sci fi. Epic.
A Memory of Light
Doubtless there will be many awesome books released in 2012 but in the world of fantasy none will be more significant than A Memory of Light, the 14th and final book in Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series. Jordan died before he could finish these books, but a friend, using his notes, finished the final three bringing to a close what is arguably one of the longest published fantasy epics of all time that spans continents and contains a cast of hundreds. Often criticized but just as often praised, Jordan looked at Tolkien’s work and said “up yours, here’s another 10,000 pages.”
Remember how awesome BioShock was? Check this out;
World of Warcraft: Mists of Pandaria
The 4th expansion of World of Warcraft, nerdtopia’s longest running MMORPG will finally give gamers what they’ve been begging for since Checkers was invented – kung-fu pandas that drink heavily. Yes.
The iPhone 4s was made to do two things – piss you off and take your money. The world of cell phones is disgustingly fickle, in which 1 in 10 consumers cares about functionality and the rest are teenage girls or Kardashians who want a phone that looks cooler than everyone else’s phone. The 4s looked like your old phone, so you bought it and secretly wished it had racing stripes. Well, the stripes are coming with iPhone 5, and it’ll probably be shaped like a Toblerone or something, so get ready to transfer your contract to a new handset again.
Everything Apple designs is designed flawed, but better than what you had previously, so you’ll always want to buy it, and always want to replace it. Such will be the way with iPad3 if it debuts in 2012, with probably better resolution and processing but maybe a cartoon boxing glove comes out and punches your neck every 24 hours or something.
Will it have a way to strike Two and a Half Men from even showing up on the screen? If it does, it will lay to waste all other TV as we know it.