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25 Curses You Utter When Your New Router Fails

This weekend I bought a new router after realizing I’d been using the same router since about 2005 and it was only capable of top speeds somewhere around half of what my modem should be kicking out.  Basically I was putting premium fuel in old timey bicycle that had a lawn motor engine strapped to it.  It was ridiculous. So I went out, during the damn holiday shopping season, and bought a new router for about $100.  It was all fancy shit with dual band crap so I could run all my wireless shit, plus an app so I could control it from my phone and all kinds of other crap I don’t need.  Also it didn’t work.  Wireless wouldn’t work, wired wouldn’t work, nothing worked after a solid 2 hours of dicking with it.  However, during that two hour period, had you been nearby, you may have heard the following.

  1. Ass sucking shit wrangler
  2. What a slab of shit tuna
  3. Suck my sack
  4. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
  5. Dog fucker
  6. Eat so many dicks
  7. I will throw this shit out of a window
  8. Goddamn you and everyone responsible for you
  9. D Link?  I got some D for ya
  10. I hope everyone who built this gets polio
  11. Worthless dick scab
  12. Im gonna light this shit on fire
  13. For fuck’s sake
  14. Shit on a shingle
  15. Shit on toast
  16. Shit on me
  17. How the hell did this even happen?
  18. You have to be shitting me
  19. You mealy mouthed little twat
  20. I will fist the internet right out of you
  21. Horse cocks
  22. I am so hate filled right now
  23. Balls!
  24. God damn everything that ever was or will be forever
  25. …. Ugh.

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