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25 Differences Between Canadian and American Thanksgiving

This weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada.  Did you Canadians have Thanksgiving in October?  Ya do now.  But what’s the big idea, why a month early? Did Canadians show up on a different boat before the Mayflower?  Do they eat turkey and stuffing?  Thank God this article explains it all.

  1. All food is exactly the same, but flavored with politeness and bagged milk
  2. Ritual poutine is served
  3. Prayers are offered to Shania Twain or Celine Dion, depending on how evil the family is
  4. William Shatner shows up to have a sandwich
  5. You have to apologize to everything you eat
  6. For 24 hours you get to ride a moose
  7. The pumpkin pie is just beer in a pie plate
  8. All turkeys say “gobble, eh?”
  9. The turkey is stuffed with poutine
  10. The poutine is stuffed with Molson
  11. The Molson is vaguely seasoned with beaver
  12. Decorations include pumpkins, Indian corn and Mounties fighting cougars (the cats, not the old trollops)
  13. Tim Hortons glazed ham
  14. You have to mash the potatoes in two official languages
  15. All west coast food is cooked with pot and smugness
  16. All east coast food is drunk and reeking of fish
  17. All Quebec food is unwanted by the rest of the country
  18. Food from Toronto has a gun
  19. Food from the Yukon is frozen, alone and pointless
  20. Something or other about ice hockey, which is really just hockey, you don’t need to specify the ice part
  21. All Canadians are expected to, if able, hollow out Justin Bieber and stuff him with someone who is less of a dickhead
  22. Families give thanks by making the cry of the loon repeatedly before eating.  Or the cry of Bryan Adams.
  23. The government of Canada was not shut down during Thanksgiving.  We’ll wait a bit and see if that’s a difference or not.
  24. Polar bears.  Everywhere.
  25. Canadians give thanks that America took Justin Bieber away

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