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25 Honest Thoughts a Guy Had on Tinder

[Ed. noteThis is the male half of an article called Guy vs. Girl: 25 Honest Thoughts on the “Tinder” Dating App, published by our friends at POPHANGOVER. If you want to read a girl's honest opinion about Tinder, click here. If you have no idea what Tinder is and have no use for a dating app...damn, we envy you.]


1. Nice head shots Ashley, but this isn’t Michael Bay’s casting app. (Actually it probably is.)

2. I probably shouldn’t be doing this on the toilet, but I am going to anyway. Swipe n’ wipe.

3. Oh, you’re not here to “hook up” Katie? So you’re already withholding sex like we’ve been married at least 3 and a half years-ish?

4. I wonder what you’d look like on a Kindle Fire.

5. 8 miles away means I really need to change my proximity settings…

6. You celebrate Halloween a lot. I mean a lot.

7. Two girls one X.

8. The 2009 version of you was pretty hot. Where the 2014 at, though?

9. We both like Subway so our first date is going to be cheap and terrible.

10. I hope you’re the hot one…

11. You’re too old, but so am I. The swipe is right.

12. Please stop Googling Marilyn Monroe quotes and using them for your profile.

13. I know you’re a porn site girl, but it makes me feel good to know you’ll definitely like me, even though it isn’t real. :(

14. That’s a huge scarf… seriously where did you get that huge ass scarf?

15. You shouldn’t have put that very last photo up. :(

16. I like the attention to detail in those double dots over the “e,” Zoë.

17. Your food interests made me hungry.

18. Sometimes I get anxiety hoping you actually don’t like me back. I just can’t take that kind of commitment.

19. Can’t wait to follow you on Instagram, then forget who you are…then randomly “like” one of your sunset pics!


21. We have the same name! Is it destiny or is Morgan just a popular unisex name?

22. You were active 3 hours ago, but so was I. We’re both Tinderwhores.

23. Take the sun glasses and ski mask off. TELL ME WHO YOU ARE.

24. Is, “Where did you get that cowboy hat? I’m looking into buy a cowboy hat, myself…” a good opening line?

25. Nope. :(


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