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25 Ideas for the Rise of the Planet of the Apes Sequel

rise of the planet of the apes

Rise of the Planet of the Apes was a pretty cool movie that leaves the door wide open for part two, which we recommend be called either Rise of the Planet of the Apes 2: Rise Harder or Plateauing of the Planet of the Apes.  Without giving too much away for those who haven’t seen it, we have some surefire hit ideas for the sequel that will make it an even bigger hit than part 1.

  1. Monkey society mirrors human society including monkey hobos, monkey hookers and monkey mimes that no one likes.
  2. Monkeys for the Ethical Treatment of Humans (METH) campaign to have zoo humans treated more apemanely (it’s like humane but not! Ha! The world is turned on its head!) and eventually break some humans out in an attempt to return them to their natural habitat.
  3. Caesar’s position as leader of the apes is threatened by a really smart marmoset
  4. Caesar meets a standoffish girl monkey and tries to woo her, despite the fact she’s engaged to be married to a total jerk of a gorilla.  Through a series of zany hijinks she comes to love Caesar and realize she should be with him.  Probably some humans get killed, too.
  5. There’s a bomb on a monkey ball.  If the monkey ball goes below 50 MPH it’ll explode.
  6. Caesar and 3 buddies head to Vegas for a bachelor party but they get drugged, lose Caesar and his friends have to piece together what happened the night before and get Caesar home in time for the wedding.
  7. Now that apes run everything, the battle begins to determine who will be the sexiest apes of all.
  8. Ape scientists create a drug to cure poo-flinging, test it out on humans, inadvertently create humans that shit a lot.
  9. Two apes, one a chimp and the other a gorilla, meet at a karaoke contest and fall in love despite their differences.  Can these kids from different worlds be together?
  10. The apes hunt Kevin James across the American West in an effort to make him pay for Zookeeper.
  11. Caesar gets bitten by a radioactive spider and manages to have the same story rebooted in another movie like a decade later.
  12. Caesar, the orangutan and their pet human, Ken Jeong, go on a road trip to Mexico where they run afoul of a brothel full of vampires.
  13. With the human race decimated and the apes in control, Caesar sets to work on puzzling out how, without any human involvement, FOX News continues to make up stories.
  14. The orangutan from the first film goes on the road with the last surviving human, Clint Eastwood.  Every minute of the movie is awesome.
  15. The apes catch one of their own putting the moves on a baboon and are at a loss to decide if it’s weird or not.
  16. The entire movie is 2 hours of Caesar’s stand up comedy including his classic bit “Ever notice how gorillas walk like this? And chimps walk like this?”
  17. The apes rise to a peaceful, wondrous new society until one of them realizes Justin Bieber will never sing again and the whole civilization decays into a massive civil war.
  18. Tom Cruise and John Travolta try to recruit the apes to Scientology despite the apes’ protest that it’s kind of stupid.
  19. A streetwise chimp and a stuffy, by-the-book gorilla are forced to partner up to solve a kidnapping case.  Can they set aside their difference to work together and save the mayor’s daughter or will their partnership go ape shit?
  20. In the Deep South, while the war between the remaining humans and apes rages, a manipulative woman and a roguish man carry on a turbulent romance at her family’s plantation.
  21. Remember Boogie Nights?  That, but with monkeys.
  22. One summer at ape summer camp, some councilors are busy monkeying around and don’t notice a little orangutan named Jason out on the water.  Jason drowns, shit happens, he comes back wearing a hockey mask in the next 10 movies killing anyone who has sex.
  23. Caesar’s son is convinced there’s a Bigfoot living in the woods behind their house but Caesar will have none of it.  But when dad goes out of town on business and Bigfoot comes to the house to party, can Caesar Jr. save the missing link and get the girl before anyone finds out?
  24. A young female chimp discovers that she is the Chosen One and begins to hunt vampire monkeys while trying to balance her busy social life.
  25. Caesar and the orangutan spend a weekend at their boss’ beach house and discover their boss is dead and the killer may be targeting them next. Then, for some reason I can’t recall, they decide to pretend their boss is still alive.

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