The FAA is investigating after a porn star and a lady friend taped themselves having sex on a plane, then jumped out of the plane together whilst still having sex. Apparently the FAA is very concerned that this could have distracted the pilot, making it illegal. Yes, that’s why they’re investigating. For the sake of the pilot. Yes.
You have to wonder how this all worked out. When they pulled the chute, were they still doing it? That seems like it might bruise. And what about the wind? Any naturally occurring lubrication would have instantly dried to the consistency of fly paper, wouldn’t it? The mind boggles.
In honor of what, as far as we’re aware, is the first act of mid-air, terminal velocity coitus, here’s 25 ways it could have been done that would be even more insane.
- The rim of an active volcano
- Charlie Sheen’s house while he’s high and drunk and armed
- Lindsay Lohan’s unsanitized mattress
- Skydiving over Detroit
- A Glenn Beck rally (but only if you’re spouting liberal rhetoric)
- Camp Crystal Lake
- A bear’s vagina
- Wall Street
- During a Presidential debate
- In front of Terrell Mims, because he might try to take credit for it.
- Nuclear-powered cyborg lions. I don’t even need to get in to detail about that one.
- Having sex while sky diving within the body of another couple that’s having sex. This one would require some kind of Inner Space shrinking technology. Also, do our insides have sky?
- On the moon.
- While protesting Wall Street. The male wears a sign that reads “Wall Street Fat Cat” and the female wears a sign that reads “Average Citizen”. Also, bongos. So many bongos.
- In the midst of a monster truck rally
- At a wake
- While not awake.
- During a pole vault.
- Bungee jumping. The male jumps while the female waits patiently on the ground below, spread eagle.
- While making one of those insane statues made of delicate candy you always catch a glimpse of on the Food Network as you’re channel surfing.
- Playing Jenga
- Schindler’s List
- As you’re both hanged by the neck from a tree, slowly dying.
- Literally at any time of day and for any reason, no matter or gross or disturbing, if you are a David Lynch or David Cronenberg character.