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25 New Ways Kate Gosselin can Exploit Her Kids

Well, it’s a tough nugget to swallow but TLC has finally cancelled Kate Plus 8, it’s delightful program that followed mother of the year Kate and her 8 children minus the father that got booted out of the show after a divorce a year or two back.   Why the cancellation?  Surprisingly it’s not because the show sucked, if that were the case TLC wouldn’t exist.  No, it’s because everyone finally realized it sucked and stopped watching.  Let’s face it, at its core, it was a show about a woman with 8 kids.  There was literally no other selling point.  If that’s TV, why aren’t you TV?  Ask yourself that, there’s no legit reason why you don’t have a TV show on TLC right now, other than perhaps you’re normal and maybe have never shown public disdain for a child’s well being.

Now that Kate is free to do what she likes, odds are what she’s going to like involves making money off her kids again. But how?  With no TV show, what’s a negligent mother to do?  Holy Taco has some ideas.  If we can endanger and exploit a child well then, something ain’t right with the internet.

 

  1. Enter girl children in pageants so as to be featured on Toddlers and Tiaras, use boy children as make up artists and sounding boards for deranged rants
  2. Set up a low cost shoe factory making knock off Nike’s and K Swiss
  3. Children of the Corn reboot
  4. Oliver Twist style pick pocketing ring
  5. Gain fame through Guinness records for most eggs/tacos/bourbon consumed by sextuplets
  6. Reality Feud with Octomom: Kate Plus 8 VS 8 (Plus 6)
  7. Professionally rigged Midget Wrestling
  8. See if you can’t rig up a real-life, biological Voltron
  9. 8 kids getting hit in the crotch will win bigtime on America’s Funniest Videos
  10. Medical and/or pharmaceutical research
  11. Teach kids to zerg rush panhandlers and buskers, taking in money like a swarm of locusts
  12. Open a small Indian casino
  13. Start a cult
  14. Start producing child-sized hamster wheels that generate electricity
  15. Pint-sized zombies in a new TLC of the Living Dead film
  16. Retool the show on the premise that now, all the kids are addicted to eating something weird, like small rocks or laundry soap and call it Kate Plus 8 Crazy Addictions.
  17. Set up a gold farming operation in World of Warcraft
  18. Form a basketball team to oppose the Harlem Globetrotters, thus giving the Washington Generals a bit of a break
  19. 8 hot dog carts working at the same time.  The same time!  The sweet weiner cash will just come rolling in
  20. Become Scientologists.  No wait, that’s how you lose money and get exploited.  Nevermind.
  21. If 8 kids find 8 rats in 8 Happy Meals, that’s gotta be a lucrative lawsuit, right?
  22. One adult with 8 kids can make the Human Spider and totally kick the shit out of that poop-eating Human Centipede.
  23. Start an anti-immigration group called 8 Plus Hate
  24. Guest star on CSI: Miami so we can watch all 8 get shot in slow motion by David Caruso
  25. Stack them two high under trench coats and you’ve got four, fully grown investment bankers ready to go invest in America

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