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25 Other Iron Men That Iron Man 3 Needed

If you saw Iron Man 3 this weekend, you noticed it’s packed to the gills with Iron Men.  There’s the new Mark 42 armor, and Iron Patriot armor, an aquatic suit, a Brute suit made for lifting, Asgardian Destroyer armor and a whole bunch of others.  It’s a pantload of Iron Men.  An Iron Extravaganza.  But should there have been more?  Better Iron Men?  More useful Iron Men?  Yes.  Yes there should have.

  1. Chainsaw Iron Man with chainsaws for hands, because obviously
  2. Disco Iron Man with disco ball and mini bar
  3. Iron Sex Man who has a fully loaded penis appendage
  4. Iron Iron Man, who does laundry
  5. Iron Dinosaur, which is less man shaped and more T Rex shaped
  6. Iron Dinklage, an Iron Man suit designed for Peter Dinklage which is obviously the best entry on this list
  7. Iron Woman, a suit with a sweet rack because I’m kind of interested in metal boobs
  8. Iron Cellist, an Iron Man that can rock the cello
  9. Spider Iron Man, an 8 appendaged Iron Man that eliminates the need for Tobey Maguire to exist
  10. Iron Paparazzo is completely covered in cameras and never stops harassing Shia Labeouf
  11. Iron Old Man, with sonic “get off my lawn” power
  12. Iron Hobo, with exposed genitals and the stink of Thunderbird
  13. Iron Asshole 2 Rows Ahead Of Me At the Movies, with voice amplification and random smart phone glow
  14. Iron Trump with ill fitting hair piece and childish retorts to any and all criticism (unfinished due to multiple bankruptcies)
  15. Iron Manson appears totally androgynous and sings vaguely scary music for highchool outcasts
  16. Iron Mandingo wields superhuman racism
  17. Iron Manfred Mann will blind you with the light and then rev up like a deuce
  18. Iron Son of Man shares the gospel and will vaporize money lenders and leprosy
  19. Iron Isle of Man breeds Manx cats and thinks this is enough of stupid “man puns
  20. Iron Chef Man is able to make delicious dishes out of literally any ingredients and also is programmed to kill Bobby Flay on sight
  21. Iron Chimp (self explanatory)
  22. Guns n Roses Iron Man just plays Guns n Roses songs all the time.  All the time.
  23. Iron Maiden Man is very similar to Guns n Roses Iron Man.  Except, ya know
  24. Iron Deficient Man teaches kids about the importance of eating spinach and liver
  25. Iron Taco.  Yeah, that’s right.  This guy.  Iron.

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