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25 Signs Gypsies Stole Your Baby

Thieving gypsy baby thieves thieving babies have been in the news a lot lately, even when they didn’t really steal a baby.  As a public service, we’ll provide these signs to let you know gypsies are stealing babies from you, in case you weren’t sure.

  1. You had a baby, then gypsies showed up, and when they left you no longer had a baby
  2. Your baby has been replaced with a mended pot
  3. When you ask the new gypsy babysitter where your child is, she gives you the evil eye and curses you with lycanthropy
  4. It was documented by a TLC film crew
  5. The baby’s crib has been filled with colorful scarves and crystal balls
  6. Before the baby went missing, they offered to trade you a circus dog for it
  7. An old gypsy woman read your palm and saw that your baby would be raised by gypsies
  8. There’s crying from one of their wagons but they insist it’s just a different, unstolen baby different from your stolen baby
  9. The day your baby went missing you distinctly remember a hunchback chasing a beautiful girl through your house
  10. The gypsies left town with a very small old woman in diapers on the back of a donkey
  11. After a night of drinking and gambling with them, the gypsies assure you not only do you not have a baby, you never had a house, a car or a wallet, either
  12. Your baby used to be in its room, now all you have is a mule that picks lottery numbers
  13. Pretending to not speak English, they offer you $20 and some stew for your baby, then leave
  14. The window is open and there’s a trail of curses leading to a trailer caravan
  15. The gypsy who read you Tarot kept trying to reshuffle the “stolen baby” card back into the deck without you noticing
  16. You can clearly see your stolen baby in the crystal ball but the gypsy claims it’s the Pillsbury Doughboy and you’re going to have crescent rolls in the near future
  17. The gypsies referred to your baby as “Little Silvanus” and sized him for a gold-coin encrusted onesie before asking your name
  18. You look down during breastfeeding and realize it’s not a baby but a 50 year old, smelly man with a curly mustache
  19. Daycare calls to let you know that during naptime it was discovered your baby is actually a pile of silk scarves and mutton wrapped in a diaper
  20. A gypsy says “look over there” and too late do you realize there’s nothing over there, but the gypsy and your baby are both gone
  21. Your baby left a note that said he was going out for smokes but the handwriting is clearly not his
  22. After spending an evening entertaining a gypsy caravan you’re given a card that says “thanks for the baby, love Gypsy Pete.”
  23. After drinking from a wooden mug around a fire you wake up naked in a dump with no ID next to a handful of other strangers searching for their clothes and babies
  24. Your baby’s crib is full of hand rolled cigarette butts and a small pile of unburied turds
  25. You have three magic beans where your baby used to be.

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