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25 Things a Straight Guy is Afraid are Gay

The recent election in the US and the legalization of gay marriage in yet more states has made great strides for equality as it relates to sexuality.  Back in the day, gay was the worst insult you could sling at someone on the schoolyard.  Nowadays kids still say it, but it’s becoming more and more ignorant as our redneck brethren are being forced to realize we are increasingly living in a world where you can’t insult people for being black, or gay, or poor, or women, or one-legged.  That being said, straight dudes the world over are still not sure if the things they’re doing are coming off as gay or whether or not that’s OK.  Is it gay to wear a pink shirt?  And if so, do you have to kiss a man or can you stick with your lady friends?  Is it gay when a football player slaps another guy’s ass?  What if he fondles his balls?  Where’s the line?

Holy taco, in its increasing desire to provide public services, provides you (free of charge) with this list of events and things that you may fear make you gay, but don’t necessarily require you to kiss a dude with your tongue out.

  1. Mini cupcakes
  2. Moisturizer not used for masturbation purposes
  3. Harp music
  4. Lifetime
  5. Fat free yogurt
  6. Granola
  7. Herbal shampoo
  8. Early Brad Pitt movies
  9. Daytime TV
  10. Eating corndogs in public
  11. Hugging that doesn’t lead to sex
  12. Musicals in which no one dies
  13. Trying on clothes before buying them
  14. Salmon
  15. Touching a dildo
  16. Looking at a dildo
  17. The word dildo
  18. Tequila Rose
  19. Chicken salad
  20. The mall
  21. Sun dried tomatoes
  22. Squat thrusts
  23. Justin Bieber
  24. Sex with a short-haired lady
  25. Making out with dudes
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