You don’t get to have this kind of awesome every day. You’re lucky to find this once a year. And if there are things you think are awesome right now, they just lost awesome by the pantload. What things? These things;
1. Side boob from a chick who’s kind of hot, but not super hot, like one of those Deschanel chicks. 2. Ordering a 10 piece McNuggets at the drive-thru and then finding out they only charged you for 6. . 3. Not having diarrhea. 4. Winning a trip for two to Branson, Missouri. 5. Buying a piece of shit off the internet that you can attach to your fuel line that inexplicably improves your gas mileage. 6. Sausages. 7. Catching an Anna Nicole Smith movie on TV late at night. 8. Getting in a fight with some douche at a club and when he tries to punch your neck he misses and just hits your shoulder, so it doesn’t hurt so bad. 9. Sex with a drunk girl who pukes on you. 10. Discount steaks at the grocery store that expire tomorrow. 11. Making your own wine. 12. Going to the zoo and seeing a monkey jerk off. 13. Being hit on by one of your mom’s friends. 14. Getting a free pen. 15. Finding $5 in the pocket of your winter coat. 16. Flushing the toilet to get rid of something and then sitting down to drop a deuce and noticing when you get up that there’s nothing in the bowl because it was still running from that first flush and must have sucked it down in the meantime. . 17. Free tickets to see the Cleveland Browns. 18. Finding 70’s porn in the attic. . 19. A free meal at Arby’s. 20. Watching a non-Pixar Disney film made in the last decade. 21. A Smashing Pumpkins reunion. . 22. Being stuck in an elevator with David Blaine. 23. Every kind of M&M they’ve produced since peanut. . 24. Pornography from Canada. 25. Internet comedy sites that make lists of things with over 25 entries. What the hell is that shit?