25 Things the Internet is Better Than

It’s 2013 and according to recent studies, everyone spends all the time on the internet.  Everyone.  All the time. Internet.  But there’s also this curious notion people have been developing that they need to spend time away from the internet, doing things like reading or being alive.  But is life away from the internet all it’s cracked up to be?  Do you remember what you did before the internet?  Ridiculous.  Here’s 25 things the internet is way better than that happen out in the real world.

1. Scabies
2. Olives
3. Groin pain
4. Dysentery
5. Gristle
6. Larry the Cable Guy
7. Head trauma
8. PBS
9. Downton Abbey porn parodies
10. Karaoke
11. Ke$ha
12. Kissing a hobo
13. The walking dead (zombies, not the TV show or comic book)
14. Projectile vomit
15. How I Met Your Mother (projectile vomit is also better than this)
16. Nutella (face it, it’s just frosting and you’re a bad person for eating it)
17. Mini Pops Kids
18. Game shows featuring morons as contestants
19. Brussels sprouts
20. Crotch itch
21. Kale
22. Eastern European spit erotica
23. Veins in your chicken
24. The Devil
25. Outercourse