25 Things You Can Say To Your Dog but Not Your Date

Just to clarify, we’re not saying you can’t say these things, just maybe never on a first date until you’ve established some kind of proper rapport that supports such things.  Also, last minute edit, I’m told I lifted this idea from Whose Line is it Anyway, which I very well may have done.  But it still made me laugh, so apologies if I actually plagiarized any of these.

1. Down!  Down girl!
2. Stop licking yourself
3. Get the ball!  Get the ball, girl!
4. On the paper!
5. Your belly fur is all matted
6. On the lawn, not the carpet
7. Have you been eating shit again?
8. Get your nose out of that ass
9. Look at those whiskers
10. You smell like you’ve been rolling around in dead things
11. Who’s a slobbery girl?
12. Don’t clean your ass in my lap
13. Did you hump the cat again?
14. Shit, look at the size of that tick!
15. Stop stepping on my nuts
16. Want to lick my plate?
17. Looks like someone needs to be groomed again
18. Your farts stink like beer and roast beef
19. Not on the furniture!
20. Looks like we need to trim a turd out of your assbeard
21. Shit, are you in heat again?
22. What did you leave in my shoe?
23. Alright, back in you cage
24. Get in the tub, stinky
25. C’mere, I got the peanut butter!