The Only 3 Bad Things That Have Ever Happened To Justin Bieber

Yeah, I know. Short list. A top five list would’ve made more sense, but even after a serious research session, we could only come up with three bad things that have happened to the li’l fella. Turns out his life is still better than most peoples’, so we’re providing this short list of Bieber’s misfortunes that all you bitter folks can dwell on!

1. He got booed at a Knick’s game
   Ok, so he’s sitting courtside at a NY Knick’s game and the entire crowd “boo’s” him. But why? Here’s a theory: maybe it’s the fact that he’s sixteen, sitting court-side at a Knick’s game, he’s got the voice of an angel and he glows like a painting of the baby Jesus. All at once, an entire arena realized that he’ll never suffer the same frustrations they did at sixteen so they decided to serve cosmic justice by collectively shitting on him. But the plan backfired because the Knick’s lost. Because Justin Bieber probably willed it into reality.
   

2. He lost to Esperanza Spalding Best New Artist at the Grammys
   So he lost to jazz musician Esperanza Spalding. He was “disappointed” but he took it in stride. However, his fans didn’t. They blasted Spalding’s wikipedia page saying things like “Go die in a hole!” and “Who are you anyway?” Beliebers don’t mess around, Spalding. You better sleep with one eye open and don’t go jazzin’ in the wrong suburb. Teenage girls and middle aged pedophiles are what make up Bieber’s fan base and when those to forces combine it’s like a school of piranha being led by a group stoic and incredibly focused King Neptunes. What I’m saying is, they could easily make an enemy disappear.
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3. He was hit with a water bottle while on stage
   So this is an old one, but a classic. It was an incredibly accurate throw, which makes me wonder if it wasn’t some all star quarterback who didn’t know how to cure his Bieber fever. So his forbidden love showed itself in the form of violence. It happens sometimes. When the bottle hit him in the helmet hair, he said “”Ow! That didn’t feel good! I don’t know why she just threw that at me.” because he is a singing, dancing id.