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4 Rules For The Men’s Locker Room In My Gym

There’s already a code of conduct for most locker rooms.  There’s just a few more rules I’d like to insert to make the locker room a more hospitable place.
1.  If You’re Naked And Getting dressed, You Have To Put Your Underwear On First
It’s great you’re at home with your naked body, but your penis looks like it popped up from behind a rock in a Jim Henson special to join in on the harmony of a musical number.  Nobody wants to see that shit.   When ever you’re getting dressed, you should think of it as a montage from an 80s movie where someone is gearing up for battle.  Would the second to last shot in the montage be them fully geared up, save for their cock and balls hanging out?  No, if the director did that he’d be fired and working for the Disney channel.  
2.  You Can’t Dry Your Pubes With The Hand Dryer

Everybody wants dry pubes, but walking up to the hand dryer and thrusting your crotch towards it as it blows hot air at your pubes, sending them flying towards the bathroom floor like they’re little dandelion seeds floating around on a hot summer day is not cool.  Believe it or not, wet pubes stick to shoes, the shoes I’m putting on to go to work.  Which makes for great conversation in the break room when I walk up to the coffee machine and leave a trail of pubic hair behind me like I purposely left it as a guide to help me find my way back to my cubicle.  If you’re the type of dude who thinks to himself “you know, I just can never get my pubes fully dry with a towel,” then I don’t give a shit how well the hand dryer worked on you,  in about three hours there’ll be a swamp formed between your asshole and nut sack that can support single celled organisms.


3. Old People Are Only Allowed To Bend at the knees

Nothing gets my day going like turning around to find a 72 year old man’s sweaty asshole staring me in the face.  Sure, younger people do the naked waist bend, but it doesn’t take them 45 seconds to do it.  And they don’t do it every ten seconds because they think they dropped something.  Plus, I don’t know what happens to people’s assholes after they turn about 65, but they stop looking like an asshole, and start looking like that weird eye from Lord of the Rings that tries to stop Frodo. 

4.  No talking while showering.

Have you smelled the gym shower?  It smells like someone took a shit, then ran a shower on it, followed by the shit getting up and deciding to run 14 miles.  This is not a place I want to hang and have conversation.  I get it, you’re friendly.  That’s great, we can be friends, but let’s not do it while steam is helping waft the smell of your taint towards my nostrils.  Plus, sometimes I don’t want to answer questions about who I think “Obama is going to name to his cabinet,” while I’m washing my penis.  That makes me uncomfortable. 


12 Responses to "4 Rules For The Men’s Locker Room In My Gym"

  1. Anonymous says:

    This is clearly the correct remedy for the situation.

  2. Daavyd says:

    I read the post and the comments, and besides the leg prop, the talking without thinking, and maybe something else… the locker room, to me, is where I go to shower, dry off, take a couple breathers before getting back into formal clothes. All of the things that have to be done in the gym locker room, for the most part, has to be done in the nude. Honestly, all men have a butt, butt-hole, and a penis, so what is the deal with seeing something that you see on yourself on a daily basis. Just don’t go snooping around at other guy’s cocks and mind yours and all should be fine. I don’t like seeing an old fart’s butt or penis sagging around, but GEE!, the old fart is actually trying to be in shape and going through the motions of it all. That is pretty tight in my own idea.

  3. izreol says:

    hey guys
    i go to alot of locker rooms and gyms, for one reason to take a shower and to watch the other hot guys take a shower, i especially like turning on the straight guys my question is i wonder if there are anymore straight guys i like to see the straight guys especially the real cute one take showers they liked to be watched and gives them a hard on when they know that, they will always give you a smile. and most of them want you to come over and feel there big muscles and give them b-job but even when that happens they still admint that that they are not gay/bisexuali guess some guys are willing to do it as long as you don’t use labels.and some of them tell me there just curious of the feeling and the pysical contact around the genital area. they say its more explosive vs. a woman doing it.

  4. Tombot1 says:

    Haha, washing your penis makes you “uncomfortable”. I never wash mine!!

  5. John R. says:

    You must have had one hell of a day at the gym today.

  6. Paulo says:

    You know who I think about when washing my penis? Sarah Palin
    Paid for by Sarah Palin/ Paul’s Penis 2012

  7. michael says:

    you know i really wish you would send this to every man that walks into my gym locker room. you know what kills me……people take showers and as they walk out of the shower they put the towel around their neck and walk to their locker. and if thats not bad enough they go to the sink area and post their leg up on the counter and put lotion on. and the only thing they are wearing is flip flops, and to make it even worse i’m no greek god but these guys are about 50 or 60 pounds overweight. ITS JUST NOT COOL

  8. Pratik says:

    An English teacher from high school, Mr. Sain, was also the track coach, and he was in great shape despite being around 60.

    But one time I went into the locker room to take a piss and there I see Mr. Sain in the shower after an apparent track practice. It was like one of those herbal body wash commercials where there’s a hot chick covered in bubbly soap rubbing herself up and down, but instead of the hot chick there was an old dude less than a decade away from retiring. It was not good at all.

  9. Cpt. Clown says:

    This site keeps surprising me… I originally thought it was a run of the mill “thesuperficial” type site, but the original humor you’ve been putting up like this, like the Sarah Palin Facebook screen capture, etc, is top-rate work. Nice job. :-)

  10. Cunty Cuntall says:

    I usually just look at the hot guys in the shower, while I jerk off. If I’m really lucky, one of the guys will come over and want to pound my anus with his penis.

  11. Anonymous says:

    What about people who have a good look at other peoples penis and ass while on the shower. I have noticed people looking at each other as if unnoticed.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Yeah no talking in the showers.! After an intense game of racket ball a hot shower sounded good. He was on one side of the shower room and I was on the other. But, my buddy decides to say in the shower “Wow that feels so good.” And I was like screaming “No dude never say that in a men’s shower!!!”