O Canada!
For those of us who are blessed with American citizenship, today is just another crappy Monday (unless you work at a bank, in which case, happy Columbus Day). But for our unfortunate brothers and sisters born north of the border, the second Monday of October in known as “Thanksgiving.” Why they choose to celebrate today instead of on the “real” Thanksgiving Day is probably lost to history. I’d imagine it has something to do with hockey or beer.
While Canadians clearly don’t have as much to be thankful for as regular Americans, I commend them for not being resentful of their neighbors to the south, and trying to blaze their own futile trail. In order to help, I’ve come up with this list of five things for which Canadians should be thankful. It took me two weeks, but I finally found five. Enjoy it, eh!
5. Poutine
Canada isn’t exactly known as a culinary destination. I’m not saying you can’t get good food in Canada, but when traveling to other parts of the world, you’re not likely to find many “Canadian restaurants.” That being said, the Canucks have invented at least one dish that should gain them international acclaim: Poutine. The dish consists of french fries that are covered in cheese curds and then smothered in gravy. It’s enough to make you want to emigrate north of the border. Just kidding. It’s clearly not. But it is tasty.
4. The Canadian Ballet
I travel to Canada often (well, I did back when we had a favorable exchange rate, but not since. Why would I?). And of all the sights I’ve seen in the Great White North, nothing matched the beauty and pageantry displayed in the Canadian Ballet. From an early age, girls train to compete in this time honored tradition, and their hard work and dedication pays off. Unfortunately, the U.S. has a lot of bible thumpers who make it their mission to fight this sort of performance, with varying degrees of success. But it’s nice to see a country like Canada fully embrace this often overlooked and misunderstood art form.
3. Nickelback
You’d think the country that brought the world both Rush and Alanis Morissette would be all rocked out! But somehow, Canadians keep managing to top themselves! Need proof? I give you Nickelback! It’s true. A lot of people think that a band that rocks this hard must have come from the States, but not in this case. And I want to be sure to give Canada credit where credit is due. So for the record, Canada created Nickelback. Make a note of it.
2. You’re Not Mexico
The U.S. only has two neighbors. And between the two, it’s safe to say Canada lucked out. Sure, the weather is better in Mexico, and the food is more flavorful, but the rampant poverty and the near-civil war that is currently being fought certainly gives you the edge. So way to go, guys!
1. The United States
What Thanksgiving would be complete without taking some time to thank your Canadian gods for the good ol’ U.S. of A.! After all, we’re bad ass! I mean, how awesome is it to live next to the US? I bet people in Windsor cross over all the time just to take in the wonders of Detroit? Not to mention the fact that we’re your biggest trading partner, which means you get to make a lot of money working with evil “Uncle Sam,” but you can still tell the rest of the world that we’re a bunch of hosers when were not around. That’s a pretty sweet deal. Plus, we like you guys so much, we let you win at Olympic hockey. Now that’s the sign of a true friend!
Happy Thanksgiving, Canada!
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As a Canadian, here’s my list:
1. Beer – better than yours. Except for Sam Adams. It’s as good.
2. Pot – again, better than yours. And closer to being legal too.
3. Health care – nuff said.
4. We’re not the USA – which means we don’t have to watch out backs so much when we go abroad.
5. Great comedians – SCTV, Kids in the Hall, Seth Rogan, I could go on.
You can have Nickelback. No, really, please.
I love Canadians and all, but uh, chill. This is clearly a joking article. Clearly.
This is the worst thing ever and Nickelback is not something anyone should be thankful for.
which one is Canada again?
Well this article is just borderline offensive. Canadians are usually pretty good with poking fun at themselves, I am Canadian. But this article isn’t funny at all, and makes the american who wrote it sound pigheaded.
“Blessed” to be American…
That’s a far stretch.
umad?
Obvious troll article is obvious.
Good day, eh! Your American beer water bores us. Canadian made beer not only tastes better, but its higher octane. Hoseheads . . .
Forgot to mention our amazing mary jane. Our free health care. The fact that our whole country ISNT turning into Russia and our beautiful women.. that are NOT obese.
You could not pay me enough to live in the United States. At my Thanksgiving dinner yesterday, I actually said “we should all be really thankful that we don’t live in America”.
I realize this was a joke article, but just felt like that needed to be said. Thankful for America indeed. Thankful that it reminds us know just how good we have it over here.
**Also, some parts of Canada are more southern than some parts of the states, just saying
USA Nigguh ! We reppin dat USA all day long !! I just gotsta ax ya somethin . Can wes Africun Americanz be proud of USA too ?
… borderline offensive? you so crazy!
What does being more southern mean?
I’m a canadian and I think it’s really funny.
About Nickelback, don’t mention it if you ever come here. It’s taboo. Germany had nazis, we have Nickelback.
I am thankful for America making Canada look so good. If America wasn’t so ignorant and were able to get over their major superiority complex, than possibly one day, just one day, America could be like Canada. Dreams do come true America!
Its actually pretty offensive for Americans to think that we are thankful FOR THEM?!?!? i dont think so. You people are so full of yourselves!!! no wonder u are the butt of every one of our jokes!!
I know this article is meant to be “funny” but writing it in the perspective of a typical arrogant and self-centered American just completely ruined it. Even Canadians don’t like Nickelback. Get your facts straight.
The old joke goes: why is American beer like sex in a canoe?
Both are f**king close to water
This is kind of funny but I’ve heard this all before. Low blow on the Nickleback though *ouch*
Rush is a pretty good band and Canadians are very proud of that.
The reason why Canada has Thanksgiving in October is because our Fall harvest comes earlier than our neighbour’s (or neighbor’s) to the south. Or at-least that’s what I have been told, I guess for that reason the government made it an official civic holiday and called it Thanksgiving.
Both Canada and the US have their pros and cons, I’m a Canadian and I’m proud to be living here. It’s safe, comfortable and I have a great job. Most americans, these days especially, can’t say that because of how bad the economy is. Canada has been doing a pretty good job so far in keeping our economy stable, not saying it’s perfect but it’s allot better than America’s. I do not hate americans, not all of them are bad. In-fact I’m dating one, and very much in love. Oh and he loves poutine.
P.S.
Our beer is better, I must agree.
Have fun being a dumb fucking yankee with your cousin marrying hillbillys and nascar racing you arrogant american asshole. If you were only to be so lucky to be Canadian you would realize how stupid most of your country is.
Canada rules. Thats the end of it.
Aye ! Aaaye ! I was axin yall somethin ! Newayz i gwine start shootin yo asses if yall aint answerin da question i axed.
Can Africun Americunz be proud of USA too ?
I smell a Friday Drunken Argument about Canadians vs. Americans.
hahahaha
Nice try jackass!
Things we’re thankful for in Canada.
1)Not starting wars over oil.
2)Plenty of natural resources.
3)Banks that don’t hand out ridiculous mortgages and then need to be bailed out by Gov’t.
4)The ability to travel the world and be respected.
and lastly:
5)A decent education system.
OMG that girl in the white bikini with the tiny tits is SO hot!
http://www.web-privacy.tk
Nope, just my take.
besides, the nickelback part was a seriously low blow. Noone here likes those clowns, so it’s no surprise they rock the US.
Would I really trust my privacy online to a business that takes short cuts by spamming AND that is unable to afford a server of its own and has to rely on FREE web hosting services?
What’s next?
http://www.geocities.yahoo.com/Web_privacy? haha
Would I really trust my privacy online to a business that takes short cuts by spamming AND that is unable to afford a server of its own and has to rely on FREE web hosting services?
What’s next? http://www.geocities.yahoo.com/Web_privacy? haha
America is thankful for Canadian hockey players.
Fuck the USGay
Haha, gotta love this. It’s funny because Americunts are blissfully unaware that they are really just making fun of themselves the whole time. Surprised you even know when Canada is, congratulations! What’s dumber than an Americunt? Nothing! I look forward to your demise…A big word I know, look it up!
Nickleback? That was sarcasm right?
Relax fellow Canadians, these are just jokes.
Go take an elevator to your nearest mcdonalds fatty.
Nice.
Did you write this article? You sick son of a bitch shame on you
Silly Canadians. I think it’s cute how worked up they get when they get picked on.
Completely agree. I’m not a Canadian but a European (if you Americans know that there’s a continent named Europe)and over here everybody is wondering why are you so proud of yourselves given all the shit that your country has. You should be envious of your northern neighbours!!!
YOU’RE SO RIGHT. I mean, it’s true, I normally take jokes about Canada very well, but that makes us Canadians sound like a bunch of alcoholic fat douches who want to live in the USA. I think Canada is a beautiful place, and we have way more to be thankful for than crap like what you wrote, and especially the united states. This article made me sick.
I’d rather get an inner ear infection from swimming in the sewers of Mexico than listen to the three bands that were listed in this article. Canadians should be ashamed of themselves for allowing such crap to come out of their country, it’s like a person should be ashamed if their anal leakage got it’s own talk show.
this is the worst blog ever. as a canadian who has lived in the usa, im actually disgusted.
The fact that you think that rush, alanis morrisette and nickelback ALL belong in the rock category, i cant say that i don’t think youre full of shit.
the US’ anal leakage did get a tv show.. you’ve never seen Glenn Beck?
You know what, you can hate on our bands as much as you like, but you can’t deny that one of the most famous singers in th world comes from Canada. And she is actually from the FRENCH SPEAKING province of Canada. I’m obvously talking about Céline Dion.
Want me to name more ? Nelly Furtado, Bryan Adams, Hedley, Sum 41, Simple Plan, Billy Talent, Three Days Grace, Avril Lavigne, Shania Twain, and many more successful artists and bands. And, dammit, I didn’t want to name him, but Justin Bieber IS Canadian as well.
I know this article was supposed to be humoristic but I didn’t think it was funny at all, and normally I can take a joke. I sure know Canada is a great place to live. Probably a better place that the united states in these times, anyway.
I cannot apologize enough for Nickelback. We’re so sorry for the proliferation of douche-bag music that these pussies keep inundating the world with.
Seriously? It’s their own fault for continuing to buy Nickelcraps albums.
Stick that in your turkey and smoke it.
Hosers
Who the fuck listens to those pussies anyways? Only pussies, that’s who!!
Haven’t you pussies heard of Kataklysm? That is one mean death metal band from Canada. They just got a new record out now and it… RAWKS!!
Go fuck yourself, you arrogant cunt.
Lame “article.”
Americans love to bad mouth Canada and many have done it with far more wit and originality than this piece of lazy writing. My nation has been the butt of many jokes that I’ve been happy to laugh at… sadly, none of them appear here.
Nickelback is a joke I’m happy to laugh at, although I’m certainly bothered by the fact that the author thinks they’re something Canada should be proud of. I’d rather go deaf from standing next to a jet taking off than listen to Nickelback. And for lumping trash like that in with rock legends like Rush, DIAF.
I find your article to be lol. I’m Canadian and the way you incite rage in my fellow peoples makes me laugh. Good troll article Sir. I would gladly buy you a watery beer if ever we were to meet.
Geezz….
It started off well with the broad on the cover…followed by Poutine…then the Rippers…but C’mon…you realy ran out of ideas so you went with Nickelback-not mexico and thank USA?
Holy fuck this site is going downhill….
Yet another shitty article to throw into the holy taco archives. I used to read holy taco a decent amount and even have a t-shirt from a while back, but seriously, this site is fucking brutal ever since joining break media. Rest in peace you fucking hacks.
as a canadian, i actually only have 1 thing to be thankful for-i’m not american