50 Reasons Why Conan O’Brien Should Meet Holy Taco

If you follow us on Twitter, you know that we’ve been passively waging a campaign called Corndogs for Coco for a few months now.  The gist is to bribe Team Coco with corndogs so that we can meet Conan O’Brien.  Why?  Because Conan is a comedy icon and God knows we have no desire to meet Leno.

We reached the pinnacle of our campaign when Team Coco started following us on Twitter – but they never spoke to us.  Perhaps the corndogs seduced them, but like a cautious bunny sniffing at a trap in the wild, they would approach no further.  Well Conan, Team Coco, we’re upping the ante.  Here are our 50 reason why we should meet Conan.  They’re solid.  They’re sexy.  They’re here for your approval.

1. We can bring corndogs
2. We knew what that thing on Sue Johansson’s chin was before she said the name
3. Can’t see Preparation H in the drug store without starting to sing the Preparation H Raymond song
4. We still miss Joel
5. We masturbated with that bear.  Every. Single. Time.
6. Monorail!
7. Lookwell was an awesome show that never got a chance
8. We’d punch Jay Leno right in the breadbasket
9. We’re all exceptionally white.  Except the one guy who’s not white.
10. We’d sit near Pender without complaining
11. We’re constantly waiting for the wondrous advances that will arrive in the year 2000
12. We have written “If They Mated” fan fiction.  Erotic fan fiction.
13. We are willing to wear “Fun Hole” t-shirts
14. We would flush after using any toilets on the premises
15. Every time we flip past Telemundo we stop to see if Conando is on
16. We could bring the smash hit Jingle All the Way on DVD
17. We need your autograph to increase the value of these Flaming C action figures
18. Always check our state coins for the good ones.  Never find them.
19. We’ve gone out for Halloween as the Interrupter more than once
20. We’re anxiously awaiting more William Shatner secrets
21. We keep an 8ball on hand in case we run afoul of a werewolf
22. We won’t musk in the corners
23. We’d totally go to Finland and ask the president to sign a pic of you
24. We’re always expecting manatees to touch themselves
25. The only reason any of us went to college was to scout new college mascots
26. Every time we’re in a recliner, we feel a bit of rage.  Not Pierre level rage, but a bit.
27. We would never have passed the SAT’s if we hadn’t studied your analogies
28. Every lever we see anywhere in the world, we fully expect it to be connected in some way to Walker, Texas Ranger
29. We’d date Andy’s sister.  As long as Will Arnett doesn’t mind
30. We have a Dudez-a-Plenti poster.  In the bathroom.
31. We’re willing to clean up after Teddy Jr.  Or Ted Turner himself.
32. What in the world?  No really, what in the world?
33. We could have a staring contest.  It’s been a while.
34. We also do a pretty mean Donald Trump impression.
35. And a Geraldo impression
36. And a Schwarzenegger impression
37. And a Tom Selleck impression
38. We will buy that grub costume off of you, if you still have it
39. We’re willing to be replaced with Claymation duplicates
40. Or skeletons
41. We will hunt down and kill the Conan blimp.  It’s escaped and dangerous, correct?
42. We’ll bring Vitamin C ensuring none of us get scurvy
43. We work online and can track down those arrogant fools who do fan corrections videos and have them dealt with
44. We retweeted Andy once.  For free.
45. We’re willing to be relegated to the Puppy Conan set
46. We can wear Max Weinberg masks if that makes it easier
47. You take the Holy Taco staff, you put them on Conan, BOOM, that’s 2 minutes of air time killed
48. We don’t sing so you don’t need to worry about a Lana del Rey situation
49. There’s $20 in it for you
50. We wrote this whole list and it took like 2 hours to compile.