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6 Amazingly Embarrassing Corporate Songs

6. Super Broker Shuffle – Southern Food Brokerage Corporation

This post was originally put up in August as "5 Amazingly Embarrassing Corporate Songs". But after seeing the "Super Broker Shuffle," which almost perfectly parodied the Chicago Bears’ Super Bowl Shuffle I feel that it warranted a place on that list. It’s so amazingly bad that I can’t tell if it’s fake or not. If it is, then someone did an awesome job of recreating white old men rapping about groceries. If it’s not fake, then we should close up the Internet, because nothing will ever top this.

Best Lyric: "Grey poupon is full of spice/spread it on a sandwich it tastes so nice/I didn’t come here to drop my duffle/I came here to do the Super Broker Shuffle.

 
5. WE BUILT THIS STARBUCKS – JEFFERSON STARBUCKS

If you’re going to write a song to get your employees psyched up to sell some coffee, don’t make it a parody of the worst song ever written.

 
Best lyric: It’s another Funday/With the deals we land/Licensees have got the venue/(Ohhhhhoahhwwhoaow)/And we bring the braaaand!
 

4. WE WORK HARD FOR YOUR MONEY – MINDSHARE

Imagine getting the memo that your company’s executives thought it would be a good idea to write a team-building song and that it was mandatory that all employees had to be in the video. Then imagine the memo saying that you had to sing a version of Donna Summer’s "She Works Hard For The Money" except with lyrics about how great you treat your clients. Then imagine that you’re not imagining this.

Best lyric: A people’s business that’s what it is/Research creative and digital/Creating value/So meet our wonderful team (Please note that it doesn’t even rhyme)

 

3. ERNST & YOUNG – OH HAPPY DAY

This one definitely wins the award for having the corporate world’s longest song with the fewest lyrics. Somehow they make this song go on for well over four minutes, while only using about six words throughout the whole thing.

Best lyric: Break it down/Happy/Happy day/Ernst & Young/Better way/Happy/Happy day/Ernst & Young/Better way/Happy/Happy day/Ernst & Young’s a better way

2. JIM DUBOIS & ETHAN CHANDLER – ONE BANK

The guy I really feel bad for is the guitarist in this video. No one knows if he just got stuck in this video because he was the only one who knew how to play guitar in his department. Now he’s known as the "douche playing guitar in that video with the douchebag singing about his bank."

Best Lyric: Have you come to meet Lea McGee/Have you heard about Michelle Shepherd?/She’s leading the team in the Northweast.

1. BRUCE SERVICEPACK & THE VISTA STREET BAND – ROCKIN’ OUR SALES

Who the fuck are these people?

Best lyric: If they’re CEO’s laptop gets ripped off by some thief/There’s no worries with BitLocker/The data’s secure and that’s a big relief

Honorary mention: The part where the two guys show up (at the 2:38 mark) and say "Microsoft sales team rocks! And we’re gonna keep rockin’ with SP1" would’ve won best lyric, but I wasn’t sure if it was technically a lyric since they weren’t singing.

BONUS SONG
NICK DEAN, KRISTIAN VANDEMARK AND MIKE ST. PIERRE – EXPECT MORE WITH QUEST

 
 
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18 Responses to "6 Amazingly Embarrassing Corporate Songs"

  1. sandwich says:

    Hey, I’m glad you reposted. I missed it the first time. Having watched all these I no longer so confused about why the economy tanked.

  2. Manbearpig says:

    Wow. Honest to god. I know a couple of the people in the Southern Food Broker one. I work for a Food broker and we rep a couple of the same lines they do, just in a different region, I see them at Expo West in Anaheim. They are getting some shit when I see them this spring.

  3. EVTDC says:

    OMG, your comment made me laugh out loud. Thanks for sharing your astute and witty observation.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Honestly…I think I am going to need to pray to the toilet.

    Is it normal to break out in hives, when in the presence of really really really really bad and contrived upper management ideas?

  5. Chicken says:

    There isn’t a video but you should seriously try and get your hands on a song that was written for the BlackBerry/RIM a few years ago. Send out a request for it and I’m sure someone will have it and slip it under the table.
    Honestly it is horrific.
    I do believe it needs to be shared with the world. If I had a copy I would pass it along but alas I don’t.

  6. Andrew says:

    My favorite of all time is the easypay video.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7kaf43bXDM

  7. Jennifer says:

    That was really, really, really painful.

  8. fancy lady says:

    That video made my heart and soul come to a screeching halt and have to start over on a new level of awesomeness.

  9. Joe says:

    The Quest video is actually clever with some production values. Patrick Eleazar and his team are awesome. I did 2 videos for sales kickoffs while I was there. Those were the days, Edith.

  10. Anonymous says:

    1) no it isn’t
    2) no it doesn’t
    3) no they aren’t
    4) no you didn’t
    5) no they weren’t

  11. Dagnut says:

    The super brooker shuffle..fandabbydosy

  12. Jesse says:

    You may have missed one. This ADP’s corporate song from the 80′s. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOfoe7i4VK8&feature=related

  13. Anonymous says:

    what’s up with the reposting of old stories?
    That’s at least the third repost now (Manliest Drinks, Celebrity Dads)

    Go steal something from somewhere else or come up with something new …

    Don’t repost your old not current events related bullshit.

    Thanks

  14. cory says:
    Those other ones were reposted to give people something to read while we were on the Christmas break (There’s only two of us. We need breaks, too).
     
    This one was reposted because the "Super Broker Shuffle" was worth adding it to the list.
     
    Stop complaining.
  15. Number Counter says:

    Yeah, on the reposts it specifically stated they were reposts for the holidays.

  16. Anonymous says:

    Bob Berman at Southern Food has mad dance skillz.

  17. Baked Potato says:

    Wow, I wish they did this at the Republican National Convention.