We went 0-8 in our predictions last year. But that didn't stop us from looking into our crystal ball to see who was most likely to kick the bucket in 2009.
5. Andy Dick
Mr. Dick is known for getting totally wasted and yelling at people and pulling his wang out and doing tons of drugs.
Likely Cause of Death: The man loves drugs, and if the rumors about his sexuality are to be believed, he loves wangs, too. So I’m guessing he’s going to accidentally snort a wang one day and die of whatever happens to you when you snort a wang.
4. Paula Deen
This Food Network favorite rose to popularity with her folksy southern charm and her ability to turn any meal into an artery clogging heart attack on a plate. I watch more Food Network than I’d like to admit, and I hope Paula lives a long, long life, but you can’t eat nothing but deep fried butter bacon until the Grim Reaper shows up for dinner.
Likely Cause of Death: I’m not sure if medical science has a name for what’s going to take Paula down, yet, but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be something like “sausage lung,” “fatblood” or “mayonnaise lump.” Just look at her grocery list:
3. Rod Blagojevich
The Rodster went from being a no-name nobody governor to the poster boy for corruption and blow drying when he allegedly attempted to sell Obama’s senate seat to the highest bidder.
Likely Cause of Death:
There’s a good chance that a lot of high-powered people in Chicago are worried that Rod’s going to say some things that could bring others down with him. High powered people know people who can make “accidents” happen. And since his hair is clearly a weakness, I wouldn’t be surprised if Blago “accidentally” used this shampoo.
2. Axl Rose
Paler, fatter and braid-ier, W. Axl Rose finally released “Chinese Democracy” this year to a resounding chorus of, “Hey, remember when we all used to love hair metal? Yeah, that was kind of a mistake.”
Likely Cause of Death: The failure of “Chinese Democracy” will be too much for him to take. The strain and mental exhaustion of realizing no one cares about Guns N’ Roses anymore will cause Axl to slip into coma, taking him out of the media spotlight where he will die 15 years later.
1. Karl Malden
The man has been in tons of classic movies like “On the Waterfront,” “A Streetcar named Desire,” and “Patton.”
Likely Cause of Death: The man is also 96 years old. We’re pretty much just playing the odds on this one.
Honorable Mentions (Or, People We Couldn't Put On The List Because They Were Too Obvious, Not In Good Taste, Or Because The Secret Service Might Pay Us A Visit)
no,i just hope somebody smudges bam margera out.he stinks like meat and cheese,and not good meat and cheese.he jumped the shark a loooong time ago.what a fuck-bag.okay,thanks for letting me vent,send me a bill.
This site is stupid. Write some real shit and stop being haters and wishing the worst for people unless they are truly deserving. I'd like to see some more interesting positive articles and not ones that predict failure or death.
Your an Idiot....this site is not wishing for anyone to die, just saying based on behavior, circumstance, position in life or a combination, the likelihood of them dying...if you cannot read or at least read the meaning of an article then don't comment...
GeeZ.... we would have NEVER gotten through this without a brilliant,and remarkable mind like yours,explaining everything in here to us.Did you call your Mom to show her your reply?Go ahead! I'll bet you'll get a cookie.
It can't be THAT bad Brenda,you're in here just like the rest of us.You're not just going to sit there and condemn the folks who add a little light hearted humour are you? Maybe you're just hoping I type something that will reveal my true identity in hopes of making love with me? I can see through your little games.:o)
What about Ozzy or Phyllis Diller either one of them could kick off at any moment. I also think it's great that Obama is on there because we have plenty of tweeked out gun toting redneck fucks out there that will try like they did in Tenn.
NEWSFLASH:
Joan Rivers has already gone to her heavenly reward.She's just too ugly and stupid to lay down and get buried.She'll likely be around forever,for that husband (R.I.P.) of hers is nailing the door to eternity shut.HE DON'T WANT THE BITCH EITHER.
So you sacrifice any bit of good taste and human dignity to place Obama's name on your "un"list (what's the diff anyway; you STILL SAID IT?) just so you can see if you will be right? What a f**king vulture! That is just unspeakably VILE of you! How disgusting!
It is a terrible thing to contemplate anybodies demise.Everyone mentioned in here is a living breathing human being,and hopefully will remain that way for a very long time.If I were to take an uneducated stab at something this vile.I would have to incorporate what has happened(or not)in the past.Without making mention of anybody in particular,it has been a very long time since a political figure was the victim of an "accident",or even the (parish the thought)an assassination attempt.I will leave it at that.I pray to God that everyone mentioned here,and everyone that reads this S--T.Will live long enough to see Karl Malden see his next ten birthdays.
I want to be on this list! But there is a catch.I get to die on December 31st/09 at 11:59pm.Cause of death? Humped to death by Christy Canyon,with obvious head trauma from the brutal bludgeoning received from her enormous breasts.I'M READY LORD!I AM READDDDDY!!
nobody says Obama, 'Because The Secret Service Might Pay Us A Visit' (for the person who didn't read that part)...I heard a long time ago that people bet on who's going to die next (cash)...I hope Michael Jackson kicks the bucket and leaves the rights to the Beatles songs to Paul McCartney in his will...read that he wanted to...but, I doubt it...if he did, Paul should give half to Yoko, Sean and Julian Lennon
(100 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
January 4th, 2009 at 10:42 am
Don't be a smartass.
January 3rd, 2009 at 07:56 pm
Joe Paterno, his deal with the devil has to be up soon.
January 3rd, 2009 at 10:16 pm
My vote goes to Bam Margera, im thinkin one of his friends goes ape shit and chop chop
January 5th, 2009 at 01:19 pm
no,i just hope somebody smudges bam margera out.he stinks like meat and cheese,and not good meat and cheese.he jumped the shark a loooong time ago.what a fuck-bag.okay,thanks for letting me vent,send me a bill.
January 4th, 2009 at 01:29 am
This site is stupid. Write some real shit and stop being haters and wishing the worst for people unless they are truly deserving. I'd like to see some more interesting positive articles and not ones that predict failure or death.
January 4th, 2009 at 08:15 am
Your FACE is stupid Brenda.
January 4th, 2009 at 10:44 am
Alrite. We can all just write an E-mail and tell them to put YOU up there.
January 4th, 2009 at 11:29 am
No-one forces you to read it you arsetard!
January 5th, 2009 at 05:07 am
Your an Idiot....this site is not wishing for anyone to die, just saying based on behavior, circumstance, position in life or a combination, the likelihood of them dying...if you cannot read or at least read the meaning of an article then don't comment...
January 14th, 2009 at 09:35 am
GeeZ.... we would have NEVER gotten through this without a brilliant,and remarkable mind like yours,explaining everything in here to us.Did you call your Mom to show her your reply?Go ahead! I'll bet you'll get a cookie.
January 9th, 2009 at 09:49 am
yo chill out kid this site is amazing a gud laugh never hurt any1... and thats the price you pay for being a celebrity so HA! lolz
January 14th, 2009 at 09:31 am
It can't be THAT bad Brenda,you're in here just like the rest of us.You're not just going to sit there and condemn the folks who add a little light hearted humour are you? Maybe you're just hoping I type something that will reveal my true identity in hopes of making love with me? I can see through your little games.:o)
January 22nd, 2009 at 05:04 am
why dont you shut up!!!!!!!!!!1 whoever likes this site is a big piece of ........!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
January 4th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
what about steve-o?
January 4th, 2009 at 12:49 pm
What about Ozzy or Phyllis Diller either one of them could kick off at any moment. I also think it's great that Obama is on there because we have plenty of tweeked out gun toting redneck fucks out there that will try like they did in Tenn.
January 4th, 2009 at 01:40 pm
LOL i love how obama is on the bottom list.
I think we all know why he is going to die.
January 4th, 2009 at 03:47 pm
Interesting list lol
January 4th, 2009 at 06:33 pm
Was Amy Winehouse too obvious? She's definitely going to die sometime soon.
January 4th, 2009 at 07:09 pm
dude hair metal is awesome
ALL metal is awesome
dont be hating on metal cause its not as popular as at used to be
METAL WILL NEVER DIE
January 5th, 2009 at 03:36 am
METAL \M/
January 5th, 2009 at 10:18 am
It may never die, but it will always suck!
January 5th, 2009 at 12:43 pm
HAIR METAL IS AAAAAAAWESOME
January 4th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
no lil wayne?
January 9th, 2009 at 09:47 am
wat did lit wayne do to gain a spot on the list lolz???? i mean his music would live on trus lolz
January 5th, 2009 at 02:32 pm
Wow...Amazing. Horrible, but still amazing.
January 5th, 2009 at 06:13 pm
You missed Artie Lange
January 5th, 2009 at 07:19 pm
John Goodman is a whale. He gotta go at least 350.
January 14th, 2009 at 09:19 am
EVER HEAR OF GREENPEACE? This Dude is "heavily" protected.I'll bet that guy can pump coaltar through his arteries.
January 6th, 2009 at 07:21 am
Joan Rivers. Oh please. And her daughter will figure a way to make money off it.
January 14th, 2009 at 09:17 am
NEWSFLASH:
Joan Rivers has already gone to her heavenly reward.She's just too ugly and stupid to lay down and get buried.She'll likely be around forever,for that husband (R.I.P.) of hers is nailing the door to eternity shut.HE DON'T WANT THE BITCH EITHER.
January 7th, 2009 at 04:02 am
If you don't like the site, then don't come back. Freedom of Speech, baby.
January 14th, 2009 at 09:14 am
I plead the Fifth Ammendment
January 7th, 2009 at 07:14 pm
WOW, you TOTALLY missed Amy Winehouse!
January 9th, 2009 at 01:12 pm
This whole article cracked me up....and all the posts afterwards...
January 12th, 2009 at 08:21 pm
So you sacrifice any bit of good taste and human dignity to place Obama's name on your "un"list (what's the diff anyway; you STILL SAID IT?) just so you can see if you will be right? What a f**king vulture! That is just unspeakably VILE of you! How disgusting!
January 13th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Robert Mugabe, Hugh Hefner or Joe the Plumber
January 14th, 2009 at 09:17 am
It is a terrible thing to contemplate anybodies demise.Everyone mentioned in here is a living breathing human being,and hopefully will remain that way for a very long time.If I were to take an uneducated stab at something this vile.I would have to incorporate what has happened(or not)in the past.Without making mention of anybody in particular,it has been a very long time since a political figure was the victim of an "accident",or even the (parish the thought)an assassination attempt.I will leave it at that.I pray to God that everyone mentioned here,and everyone that reads this S--T.Will live long enough to see Karl Malden see his next ten birthdays.
January 14th, 2009 at 09:31 am
How about the "B"-Listers chained to the wall in Phil Spectors basement?
January 14th, 2009 at 09:40 am
I want to be on this list! But there is a catch.I get to die on December 31st/09 at 11:59pm.Cause of death? Humped to death by Christy Canyon,with obvious head trauma from the brutal bludgeoning received from her enormous breasts.I'M READY LORD!I AM READDDDDY!!
January 14th, 2009 at 11:25 am
nobody says Obama, 'Because The Secret Service Might Pay Us A Visit' (for the person who didn't read that part)...I heard a long time ago that people bet on who's going to die next (cash)...I hope Michael Jackson kicks the bucket and leaves the rights to the Beatles songs to Paul McCartney in his will...read that he wanted to...but, I doubt it...if he did, Paul should give half to Yoko, Sean and Julian Lennon
January 14th, 2009 at 11:30 am
p.s.~give Ringo and George's son their share, too
January 14th, 2009 at 03:53 pm
Ringo & George had a son? How did this happen?
Joan Rivers must be approaching her centenary by now.
David Letterman, Steve Jobs, Kurt Russell?
January 14th, 2009 at 05:21 pm
Biggest odds on favourite to die in '09.....THIS WEBSITE.
January 21st, 2009 at 05:30 pm
people most likely to die and how they will die in 09: Jonas Brothers, hopefully plane crash
March 2nd, 2009 at 08:36 pm
Gut!
April 4th, 2009 at 05:55 pm
A few of you mentioned Amy Winehouse, I believe she is near the top of the list.
My personal Deadpool has already had 4 hits and it's only April.
June 16th, 2009 at 06:24 am
Unfortunately, I think this is the last year for Teddy Kennedy. Sad by true. Hope they at least put a big bottle of scotch in the box with him.
June 16th, 2009 at 06:29 am
I think Ed McMahon is going to be seeing Johnny sometime this year.
August 27th, 2009 at 06:34 am
Well guys, you got Farrah Fawcett right ... that's 1 out of 17. Congrats. Looks like Anon's kicking your ass so far, though - 2 for 2.
September 25th, 2009 at 09:44 am
ironic ironic shit. patrick really did die in 09. score!
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