6 People We’d Rather See Hosting the Oscars than Billy Crystal

Let’s start this with a disclaimer; Billy Crystal is a great comedian.  We’ve made some jokes about him hosting the Oscars on Twitter but that’s only because of two things; we make fun of everything and Billy Crystal hasn’t had a lead role in a film since 2002.  But he has proven himself an adept host in the past and, given how many people just don’t work out as the host of the Oscars, he’s a safe bet all around.  Still, in their panic to replace Eddie Murphy (who, guaranteed, would have been a terrible fit for the Oscars unless the orchestra played off overlong speeches with a tranny choir) tor Oscar people jumped to their safe zone too soon.  There are other choices out there, and they deserve a shot at the gold.

Rick Moranis

We’ve campaigned for this after a follower on Twitter brought it up and we’re behind this for any number of reasons.  Moranis is just as irrelevant to the zeitgeist as Billy Crystal or Eddie Murphy are (Tower Heist notwithstanding, it’s a Brett Ratner movie, so who cares?), he had his heyday in the 80’s and you haven’t seen him in forever since he retired in 2006 from the world of acting and hadn’t really appeared on camera for nearly 10 years prior to that.

Aside from an amazing turn as Louis Tully in the Ghostbusters movies, Moranis also gave us Bob McKenzie, Seymour Krelborn and Dark Helmet.  And sure, things went downhill with Honey I Made 100 Sequels About Shrinking Kids, but meh, we all makes bad choices.

Moranis retired after his wife died and he found the industry not condusive to life as a single dad, which is probably the gentlest, PC way we can think to describe what it must be like trying to get by in Hollywood.  Time and again he has declined to come back out of retirement and lend himself to any serious film work, even going so far as to reject Ghostbusters 3.  Bill Murray even said yes to that.

For sheer nostalgia sake, Moranis would be an awesome choice, and because he’s a twitchy, little 5’4” Canadian Jew, and they never get a fair shake in the awards show circuit.

The Muppets

There was a big push after Eddie Murphy dropped out of the Oscars for the Muppets to take up the hosting duties and you have to admit, that’d be kind of awesome.  But we’d need specific Muppets and it would need to be done in a very precise and intelligent way.  For instance, Waldorf and Statler would absolutely have to sarcastically rip apart presenters, Fozzie would best be use to satirically mock past presenters and their awkward joke attempts, Rolf could play off chatty award winners and hosting duties could be divided between Kermit (congenial host), Gonzo (bizarre host) and Pepe (kick ass prawn host).

As long as there was no overuse of Miss Piggy, Animal or Scooter (sorry Animal) since they add nothing to anything, you’d be all set.  Plus, as an added bonus, if they devolve into Ricky Gervais-level verbal assaults on people and films, there’s technically no one the media can hold accountable the next day.  Who’s going to write an article about the Muppets bombing or being inappropriate?  You’d automatically look like an idiot.

Anyway, speaking of Ricky Gervais…

Ricky Gervais

Another name tossed about when Murphy dropped out was Ricky Gervais, on the heels of his hosting duties at the Golden Globes.  Was he a great host and worthy of more hosting duties?  Depends on your definition.  For some, he was crass and insulting.  Which, to others, means he was awesome.  He dropped jokes about drunkenness on Mel Gibson, adopted foreign baby jokes on Angelina Jolie and he called Bruce Willis Ashton Kutcher’s dad, which still makes us laugh.

At the Oscars, which is more formal though no one knows why in an industry that loves to congratulate itself for spending millions of dollars to let Michael Bay have a robot boner, Gervais would be a perfect fit.  Plus he could rip into Billy Crystal.  Zinger!

Rob Delaney

The least famous on this list, especially if you’re not on Twitter, Rob Delaney is a comedian, and funny as hell.  Follow him on Twitter.  Seriously.

Delaney was tweeting nude pics of his ass before Scarlett Johansson made it cool.  He’s suing Kim Kardashian for her fraud marriage.  And he mixes the absurd and the intelligent nearly seamlessly in his comedy, which would make him a perfect host provided he’s allowed to write most of his own material and isn’t forced to do any God forsaken musical numbers.  A quick glimpse of what makes Delaney the man for the job include tweets like;

NPR head resigns after calling Tea Party “racist.” Tomorrow, NASA head to resign after calling space “big.”

Chinese babies must be like “Fuuuuuck…” when they realize they’re gonna have to learn Chinese.

I would still drop my baby off at Charlie Sheen’s house for a month before I’d let Sarah Palin run a lemonade stand.

Simon Pegg and Nick Frost

The Oscars have taken a risk on dual hosts before.  Last year gave us James Franco and Anne Hathaway for God knows what reason.  Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin handled it the year before that and back in the day Bob Hope would host it with a half dozen people.  So putting in a pair who, unlike Franco and Hathaway, have an established rapport and fanbase seems like a win-win situation.  Naturally you’d think Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphires would be the best choice here but given their recent hiccup, go to the next best duo in showbiz, Shaun of the Dead and Ed.

Pegg and Frost have Shaun, Paul and Hot Fuzz under their belts, as well as the less well known TV show Spaced.  People love the two of them together and they can seamlessly blend the word “twat” into just about any sentence, which is fantastic.

Louis CK

He’s one of the funniest stand up comedians working today.  Give the man more work.