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6 Problems We’ve Found On Barack Obama’s Birth Certificate

Barack-Obama

President Barack Obama shocked birthers today by releasing his official long-form birth certificate in an attempt to silence those that believe, due to the murky circumstances surrounding his birth, that he was not a born in the United States, and therefore was an invalid presidential candidate.

While many critics must now wipe the egg from their face, we at Holy Taco are not prepared to remove those chunks of Denver omelet from our scraggly facial hair. Instead, we’re going to forge a path onward toward this egg metaphor and we will smash through the shell of lies and spill forth the yolk of truth.

We took “President” Obama’s birth certificate to our resident Holy Taco forensic scientists and had them examine every millimeter of the document. The evidence of forgery they found is pretty damning.

Their report is below, along with the long-form certificate itself.

Barack Obama’s Birth Certificate

1)      Firstly, it has poorly drawn, bright red cartoon dick on it. Contrary to popular belief, most long-form birth certificates do not have poorly-drawn, bright red cartoon dicks on them.

2)      President Obama claims he was born in Hawaii, yet the certificate states his place of birth is Awesometown, USA. After consulting many maps, charts and globes, we discovered that no such city exists.  There is an Awesometown, Bulgaria, but it is most certainly not awesome. It’s mostly just sheep and Bulgarian weird-Os that live in shacks.

3)      The hospital’s street address is 22 Acacia Avenue. 22 Acacia Avenue is an Iron Maiden song.

4)      The footprints in the lower right corner are not President Obama’s baby footprints. They are the footprints of a wolf. Barack Obama is not a wolf. He’s a human.

5)      Finally, the birth certificate is stamped with the official Nintendo Seal of Approval. This proves nothing. It doesn’t even prove anything when it’s stamped on Nintendo games. A vast majority of Nintendo games suck ass, and you just know no one at Nintendo has played the thing before it was shoveled on to Best Buy shelves. So, if anything, it proves that Barak Obama might actually be a Pokemon.

6) Poop smears. There are poop smears in the upper right corner. When the Illuminati forged this birth certificate, were they even trying?

9 Responses to "6 Problems We’ve Found On Barack Obama’s Birth Certificate"

  1. Anonymus says:

    LOLOLOLOL xD !

  2. jimmy smith says:

    same jokes all the time. cant even spell the president’s name right. i could draw this shit in paint and make these overused jokes while im blackout drunk kneeling over a toilet puking. how does this site still have sponsors? i can post pics of hot chicks and use videos off of break. i can replace cartoon bubbles with dick and gay guy jokes. need some goddamn creativity.

    • Ian Fortey says:

      You could draw that dick in paint? I dunno, man, we had a team of guys using laser-guided dodo-feather brush pull that off with custom paint from Italy.

      What part of the President’s name looks misspelled to you, incidentally?

    • Tyler says:

      So start your own website bigmouth.

      Your comedy will rule the interwebs….one site to rule them all.

  3. DonkeyXote says:

    Those are not poop smears!! That’s peanut butter…

    Mmmmmmm peanut butter… arghhhhhhhhhhh

    xD

  4. booring says:

    not funny at all, waste of my time

    but ok..i have nothing better todo…wait…i could surf for porn…see ya…

  5. morterforker says:

    it’s got the official Nintendo seal. if nintendo put’s their name on it, its gotta be real.

    poop marks, come on, show me a birth certificate or a keyboard that doesn’t have poop marks on it..