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6 Things Possibly Wrong with 16 Year Old Bride Courtney Stodden


51 year old Doug Hutchison and his creepy 16 year old wife refuse to go away, because society is fascinated by a train wreck that seems to be wrong on a basic moral level. Defenders will argue the point and say that it’s legal for them to be married and that love is just a number, but having sex with a pumpkin is probably legal, doesn’t make it right, and 3 is a number too, what’s your point?

Is it wrong to sit in judgment of other people’s lives? Hell no, it’s the basis of our system of laws and civilized society that we judge each other. We have people called judges. If we took no interest in what others do and let them live as they please you’d still have John Wayne Gacy doing birthday parties. And with that in mind, let’s take a moment to try to figure out what’s wrong with this girl’s head.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

People with narcissistic personality disorder may receive excessive praise for exceptional looks as children by adults. They maybe overindulged and overvalued by parents as well. Does Courtney fit those criteria? Here’s a quote from her mom “In grade school, she was one of the most popular girls… But what happened was, when she entered sixth grade, she started showing a beauty above the rest … and they couldn’t handle her.”

Just one quote, right? Hardly seems relevant. Here’s another “She’s the most honest girl you’ll ever meet, and the people who are turning around and calling her all these rotten names are girls that have been sleeping around, who have disgusting lives.”

Sufferers of this disorder also desire constant attention, are preoccupied with notions of success and fame and take advantage of others to achieve that goal. Courtney is an aspiring singer who was taking “acting classes” from Doug, who she met online. Her singing career, now 4 years in the making, was non-existent as was her fame before she married a man 35 years her elder. Now they’re shopping a reality show.

People with this disorder exaggerate their achievements and abilities. Courtney calls herself a recording artist, singer/songwriter, actress and model on her site despite her recording career being limited to her Youtube account.

Another sign of the disorder is that children are valued by their parents as a means to regulate their own self-esteem. Courtney’s mother is their manager and make up artist. According to people who knew Courtney long before this all happened, Courtney’s mother has long been living vicariously through her daughter and has tried to convince her that everyone who criticizes her is just jealous. People also claim her mother paid for a boob job for her, despite recent assertions her breasts are real. Four other plastic surgeons have claimed its nearly impossible that a 16 year old girl would have breasts like that naturally, of course, but whatever.

Does she have fake breasts? Here’s her in 2009. Check her out at 0:08

Now here’s her in 2010. Check out 0:15. See a difference?

But hey, at least that narcissism thing seems to be working out. We’re took some psych courses in school.

 

Huffing Canned Air

Did you see our Video of the Day yesterday? It was enlightening. Have a look and tell me this doesn’t, in some way, evoke memories of the interview with Ms. Stodden.

She never claims to be walking on sunshine but she does call him a tiger in the sack, which is just as ridiculous.

Ambien Abuse

Watch her in any interview and try not to yawn as she squints sleepily at the camera, makes duck faces and stares with the lazy eyes of a rock bass in sub zero water at her husband, mere moments away from collapsing in a heap of snoring silicon, botox and sluttery on the carpet.

A major sign of Ambien abuse is ataxia, or poor motor coordination, which may account for whatever the hell is wrong with her face when she’s not talking. It’s like watching Jim Carrey in his Ace Ventura days trying to prepare for a scene, only in slow motion. Another sign of abuse is uninhibited extroversion in social situations, which may explain her need to tell us about her sex life with grandpa.

Temporal Distortion

If you ever watched Star Trek you know all about temporal distortions. But if you watched it during the years of Brannon Braga and Rick Berman you know they never needed to make sense and were just used as a weak-ass Deus Ex Machina because those guys made bad TV. But! None of that means Courtney Stodden isn’t living in one right now.

Look at that GIF and marvel over whether she’s choking back vomit and then trying to make it look sexy, or if her entire body is just bursting with tachyon radiation and existing apart from linear time as we know it. Her face is desperately trying to say probably a million things at one time across a million different moments but caught in this one singular time it can barely cope with the stress of it all. The resulting damage to her mind has left her unable to even understand why marrying a 51 year old man is gross, or to appreciate the damage it has caused to her body.

Peter Pan Syndrome

This condition is not recognized by any mental health body, including the American Psychiatric Association. It’s not a real thing in the sense that you can’t fix it or aren’t aware of it or whatever, it’s apparently just an issue of someone of a certain age pretending to be of another age. And yes, many people have confirmed that Courtney Stodden is, in fact, a legitimate 16 year old girl but God knows how people can see the President’s birth certificate and still question his birthplace but we’ll buy the credentials of a girl who looks like a tired old cougar with a facial tic.

Cult

Doug Hutchison is a cult leader and Courtney Stodden is his child bride. Tell me I’m wrong.

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