This article is by Andy Green, who wants to spread his seed to every trailer park in the South.
Science. It has been mankind’s friend for a while now when it’s not making cyborg sex monkeys or mummies that have laser vision. Some of its greatest contributions to society definitely happened on purpose. There are however, other discoveries in the world of science that happen completely by mistake. Interesting, these accidental scientific breakthroughs seem to be of the greatest benefit to mankind’s unsung heroes – the trailer people.
Trailer parks are a great place to raise a family. This is demonstrated by the large broods filled to the brim with illegitimate children. One thing you can’t make bastard children without is boners. Boners are a fundamental part to the conception of a child that will soon have dirty feet and carry a nearly visible stench of Cheeze Whiz about them. Viagra has come to the rescue of those trailer park dwellers who are having trouble getting erections due to the pressure from all the bills they are behind on. It was discovered accidentally by scientists who were working on a cardiovascular drug. Now the threat of sex is very real for the 50 something trailer park woman and the 10 kids
Nothing makes that red-head in lot 46 moist quite like a full head of greasy hair aside from a pack of Lucky’s and the music of Ke$ha. The stress induced from the constant threat of tornadoes and packs of wild dogs that befuddles a trailer park community can aide in the loss of one’s hair. The key ingredients in minoxidil were discovered accidentally by scientists who were trying to develop a blood-pressure medicine. Mullets are now in way less jeopardy because of this discovery. THANKS SCIENCE!
Without potato chips, the number of items that leave a permanent grease stain on a Brooks and Dunn T-shirt are severely limited to mostly just bodily fluids and grandma’s face. Luckily, George Crum got pissed off at a rude customer at his restaurant. Crum was working at a restaurant making french fries. A customer said that the fries were too thick and sent them back. This filled George Crum with a Hulk-like rage– which manifested itself into a prankster genius that rivals that of Ashton Kutcher. Crum cut some extra thin potatoes and fried those bitches to a crisp. The man freaked out upon discovering their deliciousness. Just like that– the potato chip was born, giving white trash everywhere another kind of food particle on their shirt that completely ruins a glamor shot photo.
Brandy was discovered by some cheap Dutch bastards in the 1700′s. They were trying to transport more wine at a cheaper cost by distilling it. It turned out that this distilled wine goes down smooth and gets a person drunk more efficiently than a trailer park divorce party punch bowl. This is good news too. The balls necessary to blatantly and adamantly oppose dental care have to be fueled by a mass consumption of an extremely stiff drink. Trailer parks depend on the courage brought on by the consumption of brandy because rotten teeth are used as a ranking system for the alpha males vying for mates in these mobile villages.
LSD is the fruit of experiments performed by a guy named Dr. Albert Hofmann. The good doctor was trying to create a drug that would stimulate breathing and circulation. What he ended up with was a drug that stimulates the opening of one’s third eye and shitting yourself whilst thinking you’re being chased by leprechauns. Tons of hippies laughed hysterically and had sex in the mud, later their children would inhabit trailer courts across the world. They should thank their lucky stars for Dr. Hofmann. LSD severely increases the quality of life in trailer parks, since you can’t even notice the cigarette stains and crusted government cheese on the walls when they are pulsating and bleeding a cornucopia of glowing color.
A diet that consists of giant cups of gas station grape soda, bologna and cheese puffs– coupled with the lack of desire to seek out employment can often put a person on the fast track toward diabetes. Lucky for these chunky members of the trailer park family, two German scientists decided to remove the pancreas from a dog to see what happens. Turns out that through this dog’s misfortune these guys had isolated and discovered insulin and broke ground in the study of diabetes. Now way more people are likely to at least hear the tornado coming since they won’t be deafened by their diabetic coma.
Society in a trailer park calls for a lot of bare feet. Due to all of the broken glass forties on the trailer park walkways. infection can run rampant. Penicillin is key to survival in the court. Luckily it was accidentally discovered by Alexander Fleming. He noticed the growth of mold on some dishes that were housing a bacterium. The mold was actually killing the bacteria and penicillin helped change the game of medicine and protect the dirty feet of those who call a double wide home.
Just as trailer parks are accidentally filled by the follies of school guidance counselors everywhere, science will always continue to accidentally create things to help out our trailer dwelling friends!