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The 7 Most Adorable Things On The Planet

We all know that this great big world of ours is almost to cutsie-wootsie to even stand! Sometimes we get worried that all of this cuteness will eventually just crack and smother us with an adorable pillow in our sleep! That’s how much cuteness there is! It’s everywhere! Here are the 7 Cutest Things on the Entire Planet:
Spaghetti Babies
Babies are adorable, and if pregnancy were something I had to worry about when I had sex, I doubt I’d even wear condoms. That’s how cute babies are. Add spaghetti into the mix and you’ve got just about the cutest darn thing you could ever see! Spaghetti is messy, but it’s so cheap to make that it’s almost criminal not to have it as much as possible, especially with a baby around. Luckily, babies know what makes mommies and daddies–or mommies and mommies, or daddies and daddies–smile and LOL! Messy baby! I can’t stay mad at you!
Mini Ponies
Anything miniature is automatically ten times cuter than its full-sized counterpart. Take people, for example: mini people (except for maybe the midgets with the giant heads) are adorable! The only thing cuter are the creatures they ride when they’re pretending to be tiny cowboys: Mini Ponies! God made mini ponies especially for midgets and monkeys, so they could feel like real people when they play make-believe. He made them soft and fluffy, gave them tiny hooves to clop around on, and made their dumps considerably smaller than regular horses so that they can get less embarassed when marching in parades. The only way these little guys could be any cuter is if they were actual unicorns!
Puppy In A Cast

What is there not to love about this little puppy in a cast? I mean, how tiny is that thing anyway? Did it take the doctor more than two minutes to whip up that plaster or did he just pluck one off of the Cutest Thing Ever Tree? Probably. how about that smile, too? This just might be the happiest puppy in all the land. I am pretty sure this puppy could cure many people of depression instantly, with just one look into those puppy dog eyes (adorable pun intended)!
Costume Kitty
Oh. Em. Gee!!! If there is one thing cuter than a kitten that’s only a few days old, it’s that same kitten in a costume! I am confident I could fit this little cutie right inside my pocket and just carry it with me forever! We could go on great adventures together, ride a tandem bike through the park, go on picnics, and feed the homeless together! Oh what fun life could be, just my costume kitty and me!

Yarn Kitty
Uh-oh, someone’s in trouble now! That’s it, mister! I am calling the police on you…the Cuteness Police, that is! Kittens are always cute enough on their own, but throw a ball of yarn on the floor nearby and the cuteness meter goes from hot to boiling on the surface of the sun! Personally, I could watch a kitten play with yarn all day, only taking three snack breaks and pee break, and be the happiest person in the entire world. If I had to choose between watching a kitten play with yarn or ending the war today, I’d be writing lots of "I’m sorry" cards to soldier’s families, because there’s no way I could see this little shnookums go without his fabulous yarn ball! Hooray for the collision of kittens and yarn!

Tiny Sloth In Hanna Barbara Pajamas
Heyyy You Guyyyys! Looks at this cute abomination! No doubt there’s a Baby Ruth in his diaper, but who cares? Look how cute he is! And his big boy teeth are almost in! He really is a little Snagglepuss, isn’t he? Adorable! If you don’t agree that this is just the cutest darn thing, then it’s going to be a Rocky Road to the ass-kicking factory for you, you goonie!

Mini Bear
Awww. Sumbody wooks gwumpy! A big ‘ol scoop of honey ought to turn that frown upside down! And even thought there’s a middle aged, drug addicted dwarf under that adorable bear costume, we’d still love to cuddle this cutie-pie to death. A little love goes a long way, and we’re not talking about some nightclub whore blowjob love like little Verny is used to, we’re talking about a good ol’ fashioned hug-fest!

35 Responses to "The 7 Most Adorable Things On The Planet"

  1. office jerk, says:

    i think the guys at HT overdosed on peeps and chocolate easter bunnies

  2. duh says:

    Puppy in cast, is actually a puppy with a toilet paper roll on his leg.

  3. Love Button says:

    I thought this piece was brillant. How refreshing it must be to write from a totally different perspective. I wish I would have written it…..

    Unicorn wishes and lollipop dreams,


  4. NogStomper says:

    Adorable thing #10: Dead coons, bowels out.

  5. 00kla the M0k says:

    Adorable thing #11: the delicate black fur/mold along the exposed throat of a Thrush victim splayed out in Sunday-best autopsy.

  6. House jerk says:

    What!?!?! I happen to LOVE raccoons. I guess you just can’t handle their cuteness.

  7. H8er says:

    fucking hippies

  8. elitemrp says:

    Lol that photo is a photoshop of my baby picture when I was 15 months old


  9. Anonymous Platypus says:

    The joke is that this really is the theme of the site for the rest of time.

  10. Yahweh says:

    all hippies are dirty and ugly, they’re all covered in fleas, we should hang em from trees, round em up with me, shoot em once in the knee, drag em down the damn street, I got TWO under my TRUCK I HATE EM. – Rucka Rucka Ali.

  11. birdienumnum says:

    Yahweh doesn’t mean god, its the sound your mom’s vagina makes after i blow it in her! we just told you that so you’d think you were more than a drunken cumbucket’s bus fair!

    birdienumnum=yahweh’s father

    donkeyxote=yahweh’s mother

  12. Yahweh's incestual Father says:


  13. Yahweh says:

    You need to google me bitch, I’ve BEEN blowing up vaginas. To explore: the sound a vagina makes when you blow it in her? You’re blowing her vagina INTO TO HER?

    Have you ever SEEN a Vagina? Wait, don’t answer that. My records say no, and I also firmly believe that you will not ever see a vagina.


    How does that make any sense really though? I don’t expect any better from a nipple inverted, adolescent, testicle lacking dickhead redneck hippie like you anyway. Also, by your post, you’re married to Donkey. I hope you have a wonderful life with the same person you apparently hate so much, you fucking retard.

  14. Yahweh says:

    Wouldn’t this mean that you’re technically DonkeyXote’s father? Do you want to be the reason Donkey is actually ALIVE in the first place? You’re a fucking retard. That’s like saying that you’re Hitler’s dad. Why the fuck would you do that. Do you even know who I am bitch? YAHWEH? Fucking Allah gets all the attention and shit…

    Also, you just said Yahweh = DonkeyXote.

    Because I know that you’re a stupid fucking redneck, (I AM Yahweh after all…) Yahweh is the Jewish term for God. Thus, by your reasoning…

    God = DonkeyXote.

    While i’m not Donkey…I have to say i’m a bit offended. Either you’re calling Yahweh a Donkey, or you’re calling Donkey God. Either way, you have the intelligence of an ant drinking cum.

  15. lickingthetaint says:

    first bitches!

  16. Hoobask says:

    A bunny when you’re on acid = http://bit.ly/csBOxM

  17. pratik says:

    Adorable thing #8: DonkeyXote suddenly waking up from a Mexican Bible Study hours ago, covered in shit and lube and piss and black beans.

  18. omgwtfbbq says:


  19. Yahweh says:

    Adorable thing #9: Explaining to Pratik that his mom is actually his dad.

  20. Yahweh's incestual Father says:

    Adorable thing #10: Explaining to Yahweh that Pratik really isn’t DonkeyXote.

  21. pratik says:

    Seriously… how the fuck did I get confused for Donkey?

  22. Yahweh says:

    How the f-

    Where did I get an incestual father from? I AM the incestual father. You’re in the wrong religion fucknut.

  23. Yahweh says:

    Also, pratik is Donkey, Donkey is Philosopher, and Philosopher is secretly Jewish. Thus, pratik kisses Yahweh balls.

  24. Anonymous butthole says:


  25. Pac-Man says:

    doubleyoo tee eff? This list does not belong on HT, not even as a horrible attempt at an april fools… I think it’s cool to give baby sloth and mini-bear some recognition, it still doesn’t justify this awful list.

  26. Yahweh says:

    oh em gee bar bee cue em eye el eff bang bang sucky sucky.

  27. PekoeBill says:

    The gheyness. Get it off!! Doesn’t even qualify for April Fool’s exemption.

  28. Ann T Christ says:

    You HOMOS forgot the 2 cutest things ever.. 1. When the water from my pool drips off the braids of my ass hair and 2. Baby Rocky Dennis..

  29. 00kla the M0k says:

    Cute thing #9: When I’m steaming my face over boiling water when I’m sick and I hok a loogie into the pot ‘o roiling water, it congeals into something like a fried egg. The plegm all whitened with a semi-solid green/yellow yolk. So cyuuute!

  30. Homer says:

    MMMMMM, tasty

  31. Yahweh says:

    Skeptical Yahweh is skeptical.

  32. DonkeyXote, says:

    If there is one thing I know about, it is being gay. This column sir is indeed that, GAY!

  33. This girl is hot says:

    no DonkeyXote, you are the gay, faggot, taking up-your-@$$ horsefucker!

    I don’t like you DonkeyXote….you make me puke!

  34. Yahweh says:

    That girl is not hot. Skeptical Yahweh is skeptical. Vagina smells like Vader’s asshole.

  35. Yahweh says:

    Also a stupid vagina whore for not realizing that when he says “If there is one thing I know about, it is being gay.” Actually means he’s calling himself gay, which means that making a reply calling him gay, proves that your head is so far up your ass that you could probably clean your intestines with your tongue. The spiders in your vagina want out, they say that you’re not cleaning their habitat well enough. Skeptical spider is Skeptical.