We all know that this great big world
of ours is almost to cutsie-wootsie to even stand! Sometimes we get worried that all of this cuteness
will eventually just crack and smother us with an adorable pillow in our sleep! That’s how much cuteness there is! It’s everywhere! Here are the 7 Cutest Things on the Entire Planet:
Babies are adorable, and if pregnancy were something I had to worry about when I had sex, I doubt I’d even wear condoms. That’s how cute babies are. Add spaghetti into the mix and you’ve got just about the cutest darn thing you could ever see! Spaghetti is messy, but it’s so cheap to make that it’s almost criminal not to have it as much as possible, especially with a baby around. Luckily, babies know what makes mommies and daddies–or mommies and mommies, or daddies and daddies–smile and LOL! Messy baby! I can’t stay mad at you!
Anything miniature is automatically ten times cuter than its full-sized counterpart. Take people, for example: mini people (except for maybe the midgets with the giant heads) are adorable! The only thing cuter are the creatures they ride when they’re pretending to be tiny cowboys: Mini Ponies! God made mini ponies especially for midgets and monkeys, so they could feel like real people when they play make-believe. He made them soft and fluffy, gave them tiny hooves to clop around on, and made their dumps considerably smaller than regular horses so that they can get less embarassed when marching in parades. The only way these little guys could be any cuter is if they were actual unicorns!
Puppy In A Cast
What is there not to love about this little puppy in a cast? I mean, how tiny is that thing anyway? Did it take the doctor more than two minutes to whip up that plaster or did he just pluck one off of the Cutest Thing Ever Tree? Probably. how about that smile, too? This just might be the happiest puppy in all the land. I am pretty sure this puppy could cure many people of depression instantly, with just one look into those puppy dog eyes (adorable pun intended)!
Oh. Em. Gee!!! If there is one thing cuter than a kitten that’s only a few days old, it’s that same kitten in a costume! I am confident I could fit this little cutie right inside my pocket and just carry it with me forever! We could go on great adventures together, ride a tandem bike through the park, go on picnics, and feed the homeless together! Oh what fun life could be, just my costume kitty and me!
Uh-oh, someone’s in trouble now! That’s it, mister! I am calling the police on you…the Cuteness Police, that is! Kittens are always cute enough on their own, but throw a ball of yarn on the floor nearby and the cuteness meter goes from hot to boiling on the surface of the sun! Personally, I could watch a kitten play with yarn all day, only taking three snack breaks and pee break, and be the happiest person in the entire world. If I had to choose between watching a kitten play with yarn or ending the war today, I’d be writing lots of "I’m sorry" cards to soldier’s families, because there’s no way I could see this little shnookums go without his fabulous yarn ball! Hooray for the collision of kittens and yarn!
Tiny Sloth In Hanna Barbara Pajamas
Heyyy You Guyyyys! Looks at this cute abomination! No doubt there’s a Baby Ruth in his diaper, but who cares? Look how cute he is! And his big boy teeth are almost in! He really is a little Snagglepuss, isn’t he? Adorable! If you don’t agree that this is just the cutest darn thing, then it’s going to be a Rocky Road to the ass-kicking factory for you, you goonie!
Awww. Sumbody wooks gwumpy! A big ‘ol scoop of honey ought to turn that frown upside down! And even thought there’s a middle aged, drug addicted dwarf under that adorable bear costume, we’d still love to cuddle this cutie-pie to death. A little love goes a long way, and we’re not talking about some nightclub whore blowjob love like little Verny is used to, we’re talking about a good ol’ fashioned hug-fest!