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The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner

 
 
Thanksgiving is one of our greatest holidays. We eat until we feel like we’re going to die and then we lay around and watch football.  But you’re also forced to see family members that can turn all the gluttony into a big downer. Here are the seven worst.
 
7. THE RELIGIOUS RELATIVE
 
­­­It’s fine if you love Jesus.  No one is saying you can’t. But you have to understand that for the rest of us, Thanksgiving is the only Holiday we get where we don’t have to hear about the man upstairs. Therefore, I don’t give a shit that the shape of my mashed potatoes reminded you of a passage from Corinthians, I just want you to pass the salt.  I may not know Jesus as well as you do, but if he’s as cool as you say he is, then if he was invited over to somebody’s house for dinner, he probably wouldn’t spend the entire meal talking about how awesome he is.  That sounds to me like an asshole.
 
Typical  Conversation:
You: You know, I think if the Colts could get healthy, they could make a run this year.

Religious Relative: And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. James 5:15

You: Right.  I’m pretty sure the Lord wasn’t referring to someone having "turf toe."
 
 
6. THE PERSON WITH THE SECRET EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS
You’ll know this person is coming to your thanksgiving about three and a half minutes before they get there, because you’re mother will pull you aside and say, "Ben is coming.  Now, he’s gay, but he hasn’t come out to the family yet, so don’t say anything about gay things.  Everyone, did you hear that?  Ben is coming and he’s gay, but he hasn’t come out yet!"  Now, all anyone can think of when they look at Ben is "gay, gay, gay,gay" and because you don’t want to bring any attention to the fact that he’s got this secret, you end up bringing even more attention to it by striking up a conversation that is the direct opposite of it, which ends up awkwardly becoming about said secret.
 
Typical Conversation:

You: So, Ben, how about that new James Bond Movie.  He’s a good James Bond right? I mean, just the way he acts, not like how he looks or anything.  Not that he acts a certain way or that you can tell something from how somebody acts, but just like- wow, that’s a lot of gravy on your plate.  I mean, I like gravy-

 

5. THE FANTASY FOOTBALL GUY
Football on Thanksgiving is a tradition, but your fantasy team is not. So when the entire room wants to change the channel because the Lions are losing by 42 points with six minutes left, it’s super annoying when you respond with, "Wait, wait, I just have to see if Calvin Johnson gets fourteen more receiving yards."  To make matters worse, this person insists on telling you the score to their fantasy game, and the picks they made early in the season that have or have not panned out, like they were in a Nazi prison camp and a guard made them choose which one of their children lived.
 
Typical  Conversation:
Fantasy Guy: YES!

You:  Is it a close game?

FG: No, it’s 46-20.  Kevin Smith lost two yards.  I need him to not gain more than ten yards the rest of the game, the guy I’m playing has him.  I took Matt Forte instead of him, I was thinking of taking smith, but at the last second, I had Forte in my draft que and I just pushed "draft." 

You: Great.  Um, you think we can change the channel?  There’s three minutes left and we were hoping to watch anything but this.

FG:  Yeah yeah of course, there’s just three minutes left though.  I just gotta make sure I win this week.  Sorry. 

4. THE NEW BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND THAT WON’T LAST
This person brought their boyfriend that they met three weeks ago when they were shit-faced drunk and letting people take body shots off their titties.  Now everyone has to pretend like she and he are in a serious relationship, even though when he tells someone he’s originally from Tuscon his "girlfriend" responds with "really, I thought you were from Fresno…Huh."  And since now there’s someone at the table that no one knows, everybody has to pretend like they have manners are care about what’s going on in other people’s lives.  This leads to everyone at the table focusing on the fact that this dude they’ve never met before, and will never see again, is "in ad sales right now, but looking to maybe starting a club promotion business or something like that." 
 
Typical Conversation:
You: I was thinking of buying a new Honda.

Cousin: Brian used to fix Hondas, right Brian?

Cousin’s Boyfriend: Um, no. I know a guy who did, though.

Cousin: Really, I thought you did? 

Cousin’s Boyfriend: Nope.

(awkward silence)

Your Mom: Well, being a mechanic is a good job.

(more awkward silence)

 
 
3. THE OVERLY POLITICAL RELATIVE

You haven’t read the latest book by Ron Paul, and you have no idea what the trade deficit is, but that’s not going to stop the political freak from constantly quoting Ron Paul’s latest book about the trade deficit whenever there’s a two-second lull in the conversation. It doesn’t matter that your eyes glaze over like a ham when he starts spouting endless facts about civic policy and the economies of risk-management, he will not stop trying to get you to agree to a political stance that you have never heard of or couldn’t possibly care less about.

Typical Conversation:

You: Man, I can’t believe the holidays are already here.

Political Relative: You know what I can’t believe? I can’t believe that the S&P needs to increase by 33% just to get back to even over the next 12 months. And you know what else I can’t believe? The fact that Bernanke and Paulson have destroyed America as you and I know it. They’re the “experts”? Really? If they were so smart, then why didn’t they see this coming? Now we’re supposed to feel comfortable with these crooks in charge? Yes sir, you can kiss your nation goodbye forever.

You: Yeah, uhhh, time sure does fly.

Political Relative: And you know what won’t fly anymore pretty soon? Our bankrupt airlines. If you think Uncle Sam is going to keep bailing those mismanaged disasters forever you can think again.

You: I just want to eat some turkey.

 
2. THE SUPER OLD GRANDPARENT

We should all have some respect for our elders, but trying to have a conversation with your 96-year-old great grandmother is like talking to a junkie who just shot up. There’s a lot of mumbling and nodding off and when there is some conversation, it’s mostly just a series of repetitive stories from your childhood.

Typical Conversation:

You: Hey Grandma. Can I get you some stuffing? Are you thirsty?

Great Grandma: …zzzz…who? You remember when you used to come and visit us and you had such a good time? I remember that.

You: Yeah, that was fun.
 
Great Grandma: Remember when you used to come and…visit us in the summers? We had so much fun during those summers…zzzzz….hi! What grade are you in now?

You: I’m 33 and divorced, Grandma. I’m not in school anymore.

Great Grandma: Such a big boy! Look at you! I bet you study hard and get good marks. Are you going to come visit us this summer…

1. THE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC

We get it. You don’t drink anymore. But we don’t need updates every five minutes that you “haven’t touched the stuff in six years, 48 days and 15 hours.” And you know what? I’m not an alcoholic. Just because one sip of booze would turn you into a raging alcohol monster who would drain the liquor cabinet and then start chugging Aqua Velva doesn’t mean the rest of the world can’t have a glass of wine. But the worst part about this guy is that he has absolutely nothing else to talk about.
 

Typical  Conversation:
You: This turkey is delicious!

Recovering Alcoholic: Back when I was drinking, the only turkey I would have during the holidays was a bottle of Wild Turkey. And I would drink the whole thing by myself. I was so bad, back then. So bad.

You: Well, it’s great that you stopped.

Recovering Alcoholic: Whiskey, vodka, beer, sake, wine, rum, grain alcohol, bourbon, gin, you name it, I’ve drank it. But it’s been six years since a drop has passed these lips. Six loooooong years. It’s been great, but a day doesn’t go by when I’m not thinking about booze. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and it’s the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I love booze. That’s why I had to give it up.

You: Well…good for you. So, how are your kids doing?

Recovering Alcoholic: It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I used to drink so much. Then I hit rock bottom and gave it up all together. I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t be here today. But I used to love drinking. It was my life. You should probably quit drinking, too. I used to be like you, a glass of wine here and there and then all of a sudden I was stealing from my daughter’s piggy bank just to go get a bottle of rot gut. That’s how it always happens.

 

90 Responses to "The 7 Most Annoying People At Thanksgiving Dinner"

  1. cory says:
    That is a totally awesome one. Everyone has one of those guys milling around their house at the holidays. Nice.
  2. Heeeeelix says:

    How bout the cousin who wont stop trying akwardly putting their hand and your older cousins leg?? anyone???

  3. justin says:
    Good god, I can’t believe we forgot that one.  That person is at my Thanksgiving every single year.  Last year they said they weren’t eating "grain-y type things."
  4. LOKi says:

    but your embarrassed about your actions?

  5. Anonymous says:

    I’m all in that you forgot the drunk as well. They then become the know it all sports/political guy and then start a fight.

    Just a must have for anyone’s Thanksgiving.

  6. JesusQuintana says:

    Speaking as “The Drunk” of the family for nine year running, I too am shocked and chagrinned that you left me out. How dare you! Without my inappropriate remarks about various family member’s drug use, lazy fat-ass girlfriends, bat-shit crazy mother in laws that just had to come, etc. it would be boring as hell.

  7. Drunk Canuck says:

    Oh you silly americans with your late thanksgiving! Thanks for the football. www,thedrunkcanuck.com

  8. Anonymous says:

    Thanksgiving is for expressing thanks, not for making merry at the expense of your elders. If you’re lucky you will live long enough to learn some respect.

  9. Mike Hawk says:

    no sorry, I thinks thats just you heelix

  10. Anonymous says:

    how about your annoying football fucks, fuck football you faggotzs

  11. EvilPoliticians says:

    Here’s a few more from my holidays…

    Union Guy – Constantly boasts how great the union is then rants about scabs, the supervisor and evil corporations. Doesn’t notice that the only beer is Coors and the food came from WalMart which he proudly boasts he will never step foot in. Hopes to be back to work soon.

    Evil Sister In Law – Knows how to stir up trouble and fights. Just to “keep things interesting”. Especially effective with alcohol.

    Shop-a-holics – Hovers around the TV for commercials (in conflict with Fantasy Football Guy who wants to check ESPN on commercial breaks) and comb the newspaper ads for the best Black Friday deals. Multiple family members with this affliction huddle to develop the best game plan of getting to the deals before they sell out.

    Ignorant Parent – Lets their kids riot through the house. Spills everywhere. After putting the cat, grandma’s pie and the last of the beer in the spin cycle of the washer, they shrug and say you should have seen what they did the other day. And yes you have to finish the feeble attempt to clean up with a couple paper towels.

    Boastful Parent – On the same level as the uncle who knows everything about everything, these parents just know their kid is better at school, sports and friends than any other kid. Fate will deal a terrible blow when they don’t get that scholarship to Harvard and instead show up on Holy Taco.

    Food Network Wannabe – This person is making dinner. And no you can’t help. You lack the skill. Equal in resistance to mother who thinks you can’t boil water.

    The Roadie Family – Tired as hell. They only got into town at 3 am. Great stories are ahead about the drive or delayed flight. If they can stay awake.

    New Boyfriend That Won’t Last (Option #2) – Completely in love. Far too much public display of affection. Get a fricken room – this is a “family” event.

    Peace, Love and Happiness!

  12. Anonymous says:

    you sould not read holytaco if you honestly think like that…. wtf?

  13. Anonymous says:

    Then there is the nephew who invites himself, and a few friends, lazes around not lifting a finger, then makes fart jokes all through supper. He’s 25, but acts like 10. Hey, at least the friends were helpful, and thanked us for the meal.

  14. Anonymous says:

    Just be like me:
    Have a wide variety of knowledge in many forms of religion so you can slowly whittle Religious Dude down into thinking he’s belief’s aren’t correct. Bonus points if you can get him to cry, and double bonus points if you can get him to change his religion, and extra special points if it turns out that his old religion you destroyed actually happened to be the right one and now he can’t go because he doubted.

    As for the “closeted gay” it’s way more fun to try to convince the family that someone who is very much not gay that they have finally opened up but is still totally in the closet.

    The only thing to do to the fantasy football guy is to not let him control the remote. Boring game? Change the damn channel and do it just in spite of that jearkoff.

    And the “New Boy/Girlfriend meet while drunk and just dating so they don’t look like whores” ones are easy. Just get the one that’s not related to you off to the side and ask if they met at the free clinic, I mean since she’s always there for something or other, you just assumed…and if it’s the girl that’s not family, try to sleep with her.

    Know enough about politics/economy scenarios to shut the pretentious fuck up. Although many people worry that this will lead them into debate it totally won’t. When a pretentious fuck thinks he’s inferior, he will do his best to shut up the rest of the night. You will be lucky if he announces his departure.

    The Grandma, well you’re just going to have to deal with that one. She may not be here much longer and you are a douchebag if you can’t spend 5 minutes with a sweet woman that used to give you candies and backed awesome cakes for your spoiled punk ass.

    And finally the Recovering Alcoholic…this one depends on how evil you are, or the fun to not fun ratio he is now that he’s sober. If you want him started again, all you have to do is make him a “virgin” drink but leave out the virgin part. Start slowly with egg nogg, and then when he goes on the whole sober for however many years, you just drop some knowledge on him that you got the drinks mixed up and he’s been drinking the “hard” stuff all night. And since he seems to be ok, he ‘s probably cured and should just keep partying.

  15. Anonymous says:

    “the vegetarian”

  16. Ryskie says:

    I’ve got the “Trendy Cousin” who changes his style every holiday. Goth, emo, punk, gansta, prep, starving artist, political activist, jock- each one comes with a brand new set of clothes, new OMFGAWSUM band and belief set, that if s/he corners you, you get to hear ALL about. Each. and. every. single. time. you see each other.

    Great article, I’m just happy I don’t get to deal with number one. Our family kicked him out a long time ago when he dropped the booze for cocaine.

  17. Anonymous says:

    How about the retired cop uncle that doesn’t say a word or make eye contact with anyone until an opportunity presents itself for him to let you know just what a worthless piece of shit everyone around him is. Don’t even dare trying to bring up a conversation at the table like:

    You – “Can you believe it Grandma… I got pulled over and ticketed the other day for doing 3 mph over the limit?”

    Uncle cuts in – “(Arms crossed and cackling) Well was the fucking speed limit 30 or 33? Punk asshole drivers these days, geez, I tell ya’…”

    ***Silence***

    His wife – “Mmm, the stuffing turned out delicious this year. Could someone pass the gravy?”

  18. Anonymous says:

    Respect your elders. Wait till you are 90 and see how “annoying” you are to your grand kids.

    You probably won’t make it to 90, since you will likely develop type 2 diabetes.

  19. Ilianexy says:

    HAHAHA! OMG! So true!! We have them all in my family! I am the one that eats and drinks in advance before everybody arrives and then pretend I dont eat that much and don’t drink alcohol HAHA!

  20. Anonymous says:

    this was just mentioned on the “the view” this morning!

  21. Ilianexy says:

    OHHHH! Completely true! OMG were you in out party last year?? Why do people do that?? Last year a cousin and a friend brought 3 people each and drank and ate everything! Not only that, my cousin started acting like the DJ of the party and would only play what he wanted which was only really old music because he says he is “classic”. Yes we are Dominicans in my family and what we do is that we cook lots of food and arrange them like a buffet and everybody takes what they want, we put loud music, drink, sit anywhere we can, laugh, drink, eat, but not like together in a table, is like a party actually.

  22. Ilianexy says:

    HAHAHA! There is always a drunk in this dinners. In mine is my uncle that can never have enough alcohol and gets really annoying and agressive and start telling everybody their “truths”. Last year he stating a rampage against me and my cousins telling us that we were a bunch of whores unlike his own daughter who was still a virgin at 21 years old. HAHAHA! Yeah right..

  23. Anonymous says:

    Another missing element is the bat-shit loony uncle that won’t shut up. I don’t know how many YEARS in a row I have to listen to his theories about how mankind originally lived on Mars and migrated to Earth when Mars ran out of water.

    Then there’s the paranoid rabble rouser that uses the dinner as a verbal equivalent to urban legend email forwards. Particularly the ones that have kernel of truth so it’s damn near impossible to debunk. All your other semi-retarded Aunts and Uncles join in the fray until the entire dinner turns into one long seething Snopes waiting to happen.

  24. Anonymous says:

    as they say, always cook with wine. sometimes even put some in the food.

  25. Anonymous says:

    had a cousin actually force herself to throw up because she ate a bite of mincemeat pie.

  26. Anonymous says:

    Bless you all this thanksgiving for giving us all a place to vent before we face THEM!

  27. Anonymous says:

    You forgot Home for Holidays after First Semester at Liberal Arts College. “You know what the Native Americans have to be thankfull for? Nothing …..” followed by a 20 minute lecture on the evils that white men do. Guess who just discovered Phish? And not bathing? And is growing dreadlocks? Yes, we all like to rage against the machine, more specifically that $30k SUV you drove home from college in, the one with the Grateful Dead sticker on the back. No, I don’t want to toke a bowl with you in the backyard and, yes, everyone realizes you’re stoned. The Visine ain’t cutting it.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Damn. That is some excellent use of the caption standard if I do say so myself. Thumbs up.

  29. Pratik says:

    Wtf were you doing watching The View? Hopefully you are crippled from the ears down and your aunt left the room with The View on, and you were powerless to stop it.

    Any other explanation is insufficient.

  30. Anonymous says:

    It is spelled Tucson

  31. Anonymous says:

    How about when you have both relgigous relative and the far left one at the same table and they keep arguing about things you know that they will never agree on.

  32. Daniel says:

    thanks

  33. Kristin says:

    I am none of those. Thank the lord almighty! Because I wouldn’t want anyone knowing my secret obsession with fantasy football. I let my boyfriend pick my team, I think he knew a guy who played fantasy football once. Seriously though, I just want to have conversations about how I think the whole JFK thing was a conspiracy with Grandma, but she can’t hear me. I think I will go have a drink, or two, or three.

  34. Kristin says:

    I am none of those. Thank the lord almighty! Because I wouldn’t want anyone knowing my secret obsession with fantasy football. I let my boyfriend pick my team, I think he knew a guy who played fantasy football once. Seriously though, I just want to have conversations about how I think the whole JFK thing was a conspiracy with Grandma, but she can’t hear me. I think I will go have a drink, or two, or three.

  35. Anonymous says:

    what about the recovering alcoholic who is very religious due to AA

  36. Phil E. Drifter says:

    Good post, don’t listen to the rest of these retards, they have nothin’ to say.

  37. Anonymous says:

    The best defence against this shite is to celebrate all such feasts with but one person. I haven’t has a Christmas or thanksgiving with anyone except my latest squeeze for twenty years or more. No arguments, no sodding family, heaps of food and as much sex, drinks and drugs as we can get into us. :-)

  38. Anonymous says:

    that was so terrible..

  39. Anonymous says:

    Nice, but your posted twice which killed the effect

  40. Anonymous says:

    AMERICAAAA FUCK YEA! SO LIKE MY BUTT AND SUCK ON MY BALLS!

  41. Anonymous says:

    Dig a little. You may discover that religious great aunt used to be quite a rounder in her day. Then she got saved and gave up her evil ways.

  42. Anonymous says:

    hahahaha great addition!!!

  43. Anonymous says:

    is this one of my relatives? you just described my family pretty much exactly.

  44. ArkLib says:

    That’s hilarious! My family looks pretty good now.

  45. Anonymous says:

    You must be one of my cousins, this is too exact a depiction of my aunt and uncle to be coincidence.

  46. Cristian says:

    You forgot to mention the relative that follows the drug rehab program. That should be a lot of fun: imagine the discussion. What have you been doing lately? Nothing, I was involved in the powder business, but now I’m trying to quit. I had enough of that.

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  48. Elise says:

    This entry – and really, your whole site – makes me so happy. You don’t even understand. It’s so wonderful to know there are assholes besides myself, be they overt or closet case.

  49. Anonymous says:

    Isn’t Andy Dick supposed to have a permanent spot on every “Most Annoying — at — ” list?

  50. I HAVE SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY

  51. Devon says:

    Hilarious article. High-quality online writing that is so rare and very funny. Great choice for pictures.

  52. Nicki says:

    Haha..this is so funny.

    My great grandma was 98 also, and she always asked when we were going to get married…and we had been married for years..then she’d get mad and say “why didn’t you invite me to the wedding?” You were there great grandma….
    We had to start bringing a photo with her next to me in my wedding dress.

    Also have the religious and political relatives…they’re usually the same people.

  53. Anonymous says:

    What about the nagging relatives?

    “Your shirt is not buttoned up right!”

    “I think you’ve had enough turkey!”

    “Why aren’t you eating your vegetables?” (towards kids)

    “Are you going to get married yet?”

    You’re forced to hold your tongue, but inside, you’re aching to reply: “Man, shut up and let us enjoy ourselves!”

  54. Michelle says:

    You’re sooooo right about the recovering alcoholic. My father in law is a recovering alcoholic (he had to stop drinking due to his stomach ulcer) and he’s so annoying. He never forgets to tell us how brave he was joining an Alcohol Rehab Program and how strong he was being alcohol free for 2 years now. He only talks about that!

  55. Cap'n Howdy says:

    Here’s one for the list, The relative who brings the humongous dog. They usually bring Muttzilla and let him roam all about the house so he will be free to shed fur on everyone’s coats, jump on everyone that walks through the door, stare at everyone waiting for them to throw food to him, and in general get in the way.

    I also get the overly political relative only his usual conversation is all about how George W. Bush is Satan incarnate. Granted I didn’t care for Bush either but I don’t spend every last second of my day talking about him.

  56. Turkey Dinner Fan says:

    Recovering alcoholic? Oh if we were all so blessed to have RECOVERING ones. But seriously, how could you miss the most important one of all, the CURRENT alcoholic? You know… the uncle that always has too much to drink and goes into his crazy stories as a wild youth. How about the brother in law that always seems to show up with a case of HIS favorite beer, offers to share, but ends up downing them so fast during the noon football game that hes passed out on the couch during family games after turkey dinner. Or the (insert relative type here) that just turned 21 that can now drink in front of relatives manages to some how consume the least amount of alcohol but is the most annoying drunk of them all. Good times. I can’t wait.

  57. Evan says:

    I have my family days with the Italian half of my family, so I’m used to listening to everyone blab about every political and religious issue out there while all my relatives shove food on my plate and call me anorexic for only eating 3 pounds of food, but I think I speak for all families when I say there’s also that annoying racist relative. Or maybe I’m not speaking for all families. I just know that I have these two uncles that both spew all this bigoted crap. I’m only 15, but I feel like I get the most annoyed out of all my family. During a Christmas visit to my godparents’ house. One of my uncles was talking about terrorists, and I got into a lengthy conversation with him about how hypocritical he was being. It’s the most obnoxious thing ever to listen to someone your supposed to look up to have such immature and poorly thought out opinions.

    Anyone else have to deal with those obnoxious prejudice relatives?

  58. Evan says:

    Er, That’s sad, I meant to say “It’s the most obnoxious thing ever to listen to someone YOU’RE supposed to look up to…” sorry for the typo >.>

  59. Kage says:

    I would say the cousin that just found out about masterbation and keeps leaving the table ever hour and coming back 10 min later.

  60. Megan says:

    Aren’t you cute pointing out that the people you sent over here killed the people living here, which makes you better than us, because you sent them over, so they are no longer you.

    Also, none of these jokes had anything to do with the actual Holiday, perhaps you should visit your family sometimes. You’re probably not invited though since they don’t like you.

  61. Jeff Badura says:

    ” It’s probably because we don’t have an indian-genocide-remembrance in Europe, but I don’t get the jokes.. ” – stupid foreigner

    point of history – it was the Spanish, English, French and Dutch who were mostly to blame for the genocide of Indians,

    3/4 of the American Indians were already dead due to diseases and war before the declaration of Independence’s

    the pilgrims were English citizens ,

    and anyway thanksgiving is a day to give thanks for what we have, its not a celebration of the genocide of the indians …………thats Columbus day !!

  62. Pratik says:

    What about “the relative that no one really likes but still comes over and everyone has to deal with it”?

    No one knows or care about what is going on in this person’s life since their life is basically an express ride to nowhere. They’re kind of like a proverbial elephant sitting in the movie theater. Everyone knows that the elephant is there, but no one says a damn word about it. No one ever says “lovely movie Jeffrey, but there’s an elephant in the ninth row.”

  63. Jacer says:

    The uncle who thinks he knows EVERYTHING about everything

  64. James says:

    Haha this is great.

    My cousin is a 2-for-1 deal. He’s a recovering alcoholic, but now he’s turned into the overly political relative. Always rambling about some new political book or movie he’s read or watched.

  65. Violator99 says:

    You mentioned the ex-alcoholic but failed to mention the person that is ten times worse…the current alcoholic. Every holiday season, I make the dreaded trip to my inlaws were i am greated by my wife’s cousin who has already downed a six pack before Thanksgiving lunch and who will most likely kill another couple dozen brewskies before the day is over. The family will inevitably get more and more uncomfortable and the cousin’s words and actions become more unpredictable which usually results in someone leaving offended and/or personal items being broke.

    God damn the holidays.

  66. Anonymous says:

    I have a combination of two of those, “the really old great-aunt who is extremely religious,” and I have to listen to not only stories about me when I was younger inbetween her incoherent mumbling, but also how those stories show evidence of the lord’s influence on my life

  67. Anonymous says:

    How about the bastard that is invited but in no way related to the family? You know, the guy/chick that has no family (or one that likes him/her) so your family decided it was on them to bring this horrible no mannered bastard into the house!

  68. Anonymous says:

    How about the relative who has suddenly gone to some freaky diet, and not only will not eat what everyone else is eating, they interrupt whomever is cooking to make some noxious smelling item that makes everyone else not want to eat anymore.

  69. Brain says:

    Don’t forget the family of 6 who shows up at the last minute and brings a package of corn.

    http://thingsfatpeoplehate.wordpress.com/

  70. Anonymous says:

    so don’t go, and stay hole and beat off.

  71. Anonymous says:

    How about the relative that is a new Weight Watchers convert and announces the point value of every item on her plate and yours.

  72. Homer says:

    How about going to the in-laws, wife wouldn’t go to my family under gun point but each year I have to go to hers, where they are such clean freaks that we cannot go into the house with shoes on. It gets better; the house is not big enough for us all so we take our shoes off only to go to the garage to eat. We have the religious, those that worship god, those that worship the great sales, and those that worship sports. How anyone has enough time in their life to memorize the players of professional, college, and high school sports is beyond me. However if you talk about your favorite team “I don’t follow that team” will be the answer. There are also children who are not disciplined and will be into everything. We are expected to spend the entire day, even though we see most of these people almost daily.

  73. Anonymous says:

    As someone who’s been in AA for a good few years, I know that I WAS that incredibly annoying guy at Thanksgiving when I gave up.

    Conversation:

    “Hi, want a beer?”

    “No thanks Joe, I’ve given up drinking because of my inappropriate actions. I feel so bad. There was this time…”

    Thank God I don’t do that now.

    But how about just simply going home and seeing ‘friends’ from high school that have stayed in the small town while the rest of you went off to live your own lives. He’s still living up his life as the high-school quarterback who was good enough for Division III football but decided to ‘get a real job’ in the town and be with his girl. You then find out that the person is not only without said girlfriend (she left for college YEARS ago), but he’s just left his job.

    Conversation:

    “Hey, you remember that time when….”

    ‘God, do I. It was 1-11 with under a minute to go….”

    I could go on, but here’s to you, Mr Stay-At-Home quarterback.

  74. Anonymous says:

    As someone who’s been in AA for a good few years, I know that I WAS that incredibly annoying guy at Thanksgiving when I gave up.

    Conversation:

    “Hi, want a beer?”

    “No thanks Joe, I’ve given up drinking because of my inappropriate actions. I feel so bad. There was this time…”

    Thank God I don’t do that now.

    But how about just simply going home and seeing ‘friends’ from high school that have stayed in the small town while the rest of you went off to live your own lives. He’s still living up his life as the high-school quarterback who was good enough for Division III football but decided to ‘get a real job’ in the town and be with his girl. You then find out that the person is not only without said girlfriend (she left for college YEARS ago), but he’s just left his job.

    Conversation:

    “Hey, you remember that time when….”

    ‘God, do I. It was 1-11 with under a minute to go….”

    I could go on, but here’s to you, Mr Stay-At-Home quarterback.

  75. John says:

    The uncle that is an expert at every thing. He swoops in on all projects because he knows exactly what you are doing wrong. Except that he doesn’t and usually exacerbates the situation.

    Putting together the nephews new toy, check
    Taking apart the trap in the kitchen sink, check
    Taking over the lighting of the fireplace, check
    Telling everyone how he is starting to make his own wine, check
    Makes sure to insinuate that women can’t do it, check

  76. Anonymous says:

    what sucks is when your whole family is that religious relative and you are about to explode at all the ridiculous stuff they say and you just want to say “God Isn’t Real”

  77. Anonymous says:

    lol my family has all 7 haha

  78. logic says:

    Those relatives can all be annoying, personally I hate the 8th annoying relative, the one who judges and criticizes all his family members.

  79. Courtenay Connell says:

    THE SUPER OLD GRANDPARENT – She’s a hottie, and I want to fuck her. I’ can’t stop jacking off to her lovely face. She could suck me dry anytime she wants.

  80. d train says:

    your missing my personal favorite….the parolee. he always adds a nice lil touch to a good evening

  81. Anonymous says:

    OMG!!! I am the overly political relative, the Ron Paul Junkie. But my rant at the table was to the effect that people need to get involved and interested in politics and work toward electing better people to office.

    As to the really elderly relative, we had a 96 year old at our gathering. He is actually a very delightful man who suffers more from low vision and decreased mobility. I asked him if he remembered the Great Depression. He remembered it well. These are the ones we need to be talking with. Listen to what they have to tell us and use it when the next one comes around. (As a Ron Paul junkie, I believe the Next One is imminent.)

  82. Anonymous says:

    I have to disagree. The religious relative has got to be number 1 in my book.

  83. Jacky says:

    I have an aunt who works in some Insurance company, which basically turns every big family dinner, like say Christmas eve into a 4 hours discussion about insurances and money…

  84. Anonymous says:

    RON PAUL!!!!!!!

  85. Anonymous says:

    Well I’m Romanian, first generation in the states, and all my uncles argue about is politics in romania and america, I have 3 meth addict cousins and one whose on oxies.

    lets see, there was 3 kids under 7 at my house, man that was fun running around making sure they didn’t break anything.

    Oh did I mention my meth addict cousin brought her heroin addicted boyfriend…

    Can’t wait to finish college and move far far away

  86. Anonymous says:

    It’s probably because we don’t have an indian-genocide-remembrance in Europe, but I don’t get the jokes..

  87. L says:

    Probably best not to call people stupid foreigners. You’re just picking a fight with 95% of the world’s population. Unfortunately most of them hate you already just because you are American.

    Personally, I have nothing against you, I’ve never even met you.

    Just a helpful hint.

  88. Jeff Badura says:

    im not one to kiss the ass’s of people who shit on the USA, she wants to dump on us for the american Indian’s being ran over on one of our most prominent national holidays then the dumb bitch gets what she deserves

    USA, USA, USA !!!

  89. Anonymous says:

    god…they’re everywhere