Thanksgiving is one of our greatest holidays. We eat until we feel like we're going to die and then we lay around and watch football. But you're also forced to see family members that can turn all the gluttony into a big downer. Here are the seven worst.
7. THE RELIGIOUS RELATIVE
It's fine if you love Jesus. No one is saying you can't. But you have to understand that for the rest of us, Thanksgiving is the only Holiday we get where we don't have to hear about the man upstairs. Therefore, I don't give a shit that the shape of my mashed potatoes reminded you of a passage from Corinthians, I just want you to pass the salt. I may not know Jesus as well as you do, but if he's as cool as you say he is, then if he was invited over to somebody's house for dinner, he probably wouldn't spend the entire meal talking about how awesome he is. That sounds to me like an asshole.
Typical Conversation:
You: You know, I think if the Colts could get healthy, they could make a run this year.
Religious Relative: And the prayer of faith will save the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up. James 5:15
You: Right. I'm pretty sure the Lord wasn't referring to someone having "turf toe."
6. THE PERSON WITH THE SECRET EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS
You'll know this person is coming to your thanksgiving about three and a half minutes before they get there, because you're mother will pull you aside and say, "Ben is coming. Now, he's gay, but he hasn't come out to the family yet, so don't say anything about gay things. Everyone, did you hear that? Ben is coming and he's gay, but he hasn't come out yet!" Now, all anyone can think of when they look at Ben is "gay, gay, gay,gay" and because you don't want to bring any attention to the fact that he's got this secret, you end up bringing even more attention to it by striking up a conversation that is the direct opposite of it, which ends up awkwardly becoming about said secret.
Typical Conversation:
You: So, Ben, how about that new James Bond Movie. He's a good James Bond right? I mean, just the way he acts, not like how he looks or anything. Not that he acts a certain way or that you can tell something from how somebody acts, but just like- wow, that's a lot of gravy on your plate. I mean, I like gravy-
5. THE FANTASY FOOTBALL GUY
Football on Thanksgiving is a tradition, but your fantasy team is not. So when the entire room wants to change the channel because the Lions are losing by 42 points with six minutes left, it's super annoying when you respond with, "Wait, wait, I just have to see if Calvin Johnson gets fourteen more receiving yards." To make matters worse, this person insists on telling you the score to their fantasy game, and the picks they made early in the season that have or have not panned out, like they were in a Nazi prison camp and a guard made them choose which one of their children lived.
Typical Conversation:
Fantasy Guy: YES!
You: Is it a close game?
FG: No, it's 46-20. Kevin Smith lost two yards. I need him to not gain more than ten yards the rest of the game, the guy I'm playing has him. I took Matt Forte instead of him, I was thinking of taking smith, but at the last second, I had Forte in my draft que and I just pushed "draft."
You: Great. Um, you think we can change the channel? There's three minutes left and we were hoping to watch anything but this.
FG: Yeah yeah of course, there's just three minutes left though. I just gotta make sure I win this week. Sorry.
4. THE NEW BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND THAT WON'T LAST
This person brought their boyfriend that they met three weeks ago when they were shit-faced drunk and letting people take body shots off their titties. Now everyone has to pretend like she and he are in a serious relationship, even though when he tells someone he's originally from Tuscon his "girlfriend" responds with "really, I thought you were from Fresno...Huh." And since now there's someone at the table that no one knows, everybody has to pretend like they have manners are care about what's going on in other people's lives. This leads to everyone at the table focusing on the fact that this dude they've never met before, and will never see again, is "in ad sales right now, but looking to maybe starting a club promotion business or something like that."
Typical Conversation:
You: I was thinking of buying a new Honda.
Cousin: Brian used to fix Hondas, right Brian?
Cousin's Boyfriend: Um, no. I know a guy who did, though.
Cousin: Really, I thought you did?
Cousin's Boyfriend: Nope.
(awkward silence)
Your Mom: Well, being a mechanic is a good job.
(more awkward silence)
3. THE OVERLY POLITICAL RELATIVE
You haven’t read the latest book by Ron Paul, and you have no idea what the trade deficit is, but that’s not going to stop the political freak from constantly quoting Ron Paul’s latest book about the trade deficit whenever there’s a two-second lull in the conversation. It doesn’t matter that your eyes glaze over like a ham when he starts spouting endless facts about civic policy and the economies of risk-management, he will not stop trying to get you to agree to a political stance that you have never heard of or couldn’t possibly care less about.
Typical Conversation:
You: Man, I can’t believe the holidays are already here.
Political Relative: You know what I can’t believe? I can’t believe that the S&P needs to increase by 33% just to get back to even over the next 12 months. And you know what else I can’t believe? The fact that Bernanke and Paulson have destroyed America as you and I know it. They’re the “experts”? Really? If they were so smart, then why didn’t they see this coming? Now we’re supposed to feel comfortable with these crooks in charge? Yes sir, you can kiss your nation goodbye forever.
You: Yeah, uhhh, time sure does fly.
Political Relative: And you know what won’t fly anymore pretty soon? Our bankrupt airlines. If you think Uncle Sam is going to keep bailing those mismanaged disasters forever you can think again.
You: I just want to eat some turkey.
2. THE SUPER OLD GRANDPARENT
We should all have some respect for our elders, but trying to have a conversation with your 96-year-old great grandmother is like talking to a junkie who just shot up. There’s a lot of mumbling and nodding off and when there is some conversation, it’s mostly just a series of repetitive stories from your childhood.
Typical Conversation:
You: Hey Grandma. Can I get you some stuffing? Are you thirsty?
Great Grandma: …zzzz…who? You remember when you used to come and visit us and you had such a good time? I remember that.
You: Yeah, that was fun.
Great Grandma: Remember when you used to come and…visit us in the summers? We had so much fun during those summers…zzzzz….hi! What grade are you in now?
You: I’m 33 and divorced, Grandma. I’m not in school anymore.
Great Grandma: Such a big boy! Look at you! I bet you study hard and get good marks. Are you going to come visit us this summer…
1. THE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC
We get it. You don’t drink anymore. But we don’t need updates every five minutes that you “haven’t touched the stuff in six years, 48 days and 15 hours.” And you know what? I’m not an alcoholic. Just because one sip of booze would turn you into a raging alcohol monster who would drain the liquor cabinet and then start chugging Aqua Velva doesn’t mean the rest of the world can’t have a glass of wine. But the worst part about this guy is that he has absolutely nothing else to talk about.
Typical Conversation:
You: This turkey is delicious!
Recovering Alcoholic: Back when I was drinking, the only turkey I would have during the holidays was a bottle of Wild Turkey. And I would drink the whole thing by myself. I was so bad, back then. So bad.
You: Well, it’s great that you stopped.
Recovering Alcoholic: Whiskey, vodka, beer, sake, wine, rum, grain alcohol, bourbon, gin, you name it, I’ve drank it. But it’s been six years since a drop has passed these lips. Six loooooong years. It’s been great, but a day doesn’t go by when I’m not thinking about booze. It’s the first thing I think about when I wake up and it’s the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. I love booze. That’s why I had to give it up.
You: Well…good for you. So, how are your kids doing?
Recovering Alcoholic: It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I used to drink so much. Then I hit rock bottom and gave it up all together. I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t be here today. But I used to love drinking. It was my life. You should probably quit drinking, too. I used to be like you, a glass of wine here and there and then all of a sudden I was stealing from my daughter's piggy bank just to go get a bottle of rot gut. That’s how it always happens.
I am none of those. Thank the lord almighty! Because I wouldn't want anyone knowing my secret obsession with fantasy football. I let my boyfriend pick my team, I think he knew a guy who played fantasy football once. Seriously though, I just want to have conversations about how I think the whole JFK thing was a conspiracy with Grandma, but she can't hear me. I think I will go have a drink, or two, or three.
The best defence against this shite is to celebrate all such feasts with but one person. I haven't has a Christmas or thanksgiving with anyone except my latest squeeze for twenty years or more. No arguments, no sodding family, heaps of food and as much sex, drinks and drugs as we can get into us. :-)
How about going to the in-laws, wife wouldn't go to my family under gun point but each year I have to go to hers, where they are such clean freaks that we cannot go into the house with shoes on. It gets better; the house is not big enough for us all so we take our shoes off only to go to the garage to eat. We have the religious, those that worship god, those that worship the great sales, and those that worship sports. How anyone has enough time in their life to memorize the players of professional, college, and high school sports is beyond me. However if you talk about your favorite team "I don’t follow that team" will be the answer. There are also children who are not disciplined and will be into everything. We are expected to spend the entire day, even though we see most of these people almost daily.
As someone who's been in AA for a good few years, I know that I WAS that incredibly annoying guy at Thanksgiving when I gave up.
Conversation:
"Hi, want a beer?"
"No thanks Joe, I've given up drinking because of my inappropriate actions. I feel so bad. There was this time..."
Thank God I don't do that now.
But how about just simply going home and seeing 'friends' from high school that have stayed in the small town while the rest of you went off to live your own lives. He's still living up his life as the high-school quarterback who was good enough for Division III football but decided to 'get a real job' in the town and be with his girl. You then find out that the person is not only without said girlfriend (she left for college YEARS ago), but he's just left his job.
Conversation:
"Hey, you remember that time when...."
'God, do I. It was 1-11 with under a minute to go...."
I could go on, but here's to you, Mr Stay-At-Home quarterback.
As someone who's been in AA for a good few years, I know that I WAS that incredibly annoying guy at Thanksgiving when I gave up.
Conversation:
"Hi, want a beer?"
"No thanks Joe, I've given up drinking because of my inappropriate actions. I feel so bad. There was this time..."
Thank God I don't do that now.
But how about just simply going home and seeing 'friends' from high school that have stayed in the small town while the rest of you went off to live your own lives. He's still living up his life as the high-school quarterback who was good enough for Division III football but decided to 'get a real job' in the town and be with his girl. You then find out that the person is not only without said girlfriend (she left for college YEARS ago), but he's just left his job.
Conversation:
"Hey, you remember that time when...."
'God, do I. It was 1-11 with under a minute to go...."
I could go on, but here's to you, Mr Stay-At-Home quarterback.
The uncle that is an expert at every thing. He swoops in on all projects because he knows exactly what you are doing wrong. Except that he doesn't and usually exacerbates the situation.
Putting together the nephews new toy, check
Taking apart the trap in the kitchen sink, check
Taking over the lighting of the fireplace, check
Telling everyone how he is starting to make his own wine, check
Makes sure to insinuate that women can't do it, check
what sucks is when your whole family is that religious relative and you are about to explode at all the ridiculous stuff they say and you just want to say "God Isn't Real"
THE SUPER OLD GRANDPARENT - She's a hottie, and I want to fuck her. I' can't stop jacking off to her lovely face. She could suck me dry anytime she wants.
OMG!!! I am the overly political relative, the Ron Paul Junkie. But my rant at the table was to the effect that people need to get involved and interested in politics and work toward electing better people to office.
As to the really elderly relative, we had a 96 year old at our gathering. He is actually a very delightful man who suffers more from low vision and decreased mobility. I asked him if he remembered the Great Depression. He remembered it well. These are the ones we need to be talking with. Listen to what they have to tell us and use it when the next one comes around. (As a Ron Paul junkie, I believe the Next One is imminent.)
I have an aunt who works in some Insurance company, which basically turns every big family dinner, like say Christmas eve into a 4 hours discussion about insurances and money...
Well I'm Romanian, first generation in the states, and all my uncles argue about is politics in romania and america, I have 3 meth addict cousins and one whose on oxies.
lets see, there was 3 kids under 7 at my house, man that was fun running around making sure they didn't break anything.
Oh did I mention my meth addict cousin brought her heroin addicted boyfriend...
Can't wait to finish college and move far far away
Aren't you cute pointing out that the people you sent over here killed the people living here, which makes you better than us, because you sent them over, so they are no longer you.
Also, none of these jokes had anything to do with the actual Holiday, perhaps you should visit your family sometimes. You're probably not invited though since they don't like you.
" It's probably because we don't have an indian-genocide-remembrance in Europe, but I don't get the jokes.. " - stupid foreigner
point of history - it was the Spanish, English, French and Dutch who were mostly to blame for the genocide of Indians,
3/4 of the American Indians were already dead due to diseases and war before the declaration of Independence's
the pilgrims were English citizens ,
and anyway thanksgiving is a day to give thanks for what we have, its not a celebration of the genocide of the indians ............thats Columbus day !!
Probably best not to call people stupid foreigners. You're just picking a fight with 95% of the world's population. Unfortunately most of them hate you already just because you are American.
Personally, I have nothing against you, I've never even met you.
im not one to kiss the ass's of people who shit on the USA, she wants to dump on us for the american Indian's being ran over on one of our most prominent national holidays then the dumb bitch gets what she deserves
This entry - and really, your whole site - makes me so happy. You don't even understand. It's so wonderful to know there are assholes besides myself, be they overt or closet case.
You’re sooooo right about the recovering alcoholic. My father in law is a recovering alcoholic (he had to stop drinking due to his stomach ulcer) and he’s so annoying. He never forgets to tell us how brave he was joining an Alcohol Rehab Program and how strong he was being alcohol free for 2 years now. He only talks about that!
My great grandma was 98 also, and she always asked when we were going to get married...and we had been married for years..then she'd get mad and say "why didn't you invite me to the wedding?" You were there great grandma....
We had to start bringing a photo with her next to me in my wedding dress.
Also have the religious and political relatives...they're usually the same people.
You forgot to mention the relative that follows the drug rehab program. That should be a lot of fun: imagine the discussion. What have you been doing lately? Nothing, I was involved in the powder business, but now I'm trying to quit. I had enough of that.
Hello everyone. If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
I am from Botswana and too bad know English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "For cheap tickets on top domestic and international airlines, check out our book your cheap plane ticket on onetravel."
Here's one for the list, The relative who brings the humongous dog. They usually bring Muttzilla and let him roam all about the house so he will be free to shed fur on everyone's coats, jump on everyone that walks through the door, stare at everyone waiting for them to throw food to him, and in general get in the way.
I also get the overly political relative only his usual conversation is all about how George W. Bush is Satan incarnate. Granted I didn't care for Bush either but I don't spend every last second of my day talking about him.
Recovering alcoholic? Oh if we were all so blessed to have RECOVERING ones. But seriously, how could you miss the most important one of all, the CURRENT alcoholic? You know... the uncle that always has too much to drink and goes into his crazy stories as a wild youth. How about the brother in law that always seems to show up with a case of HIS favorite beer, offers to share, but ends up downing them so fast during the noon football game that hes passed out on the couch during family games after turkey dinner. Or the (insert relative type here) that just turned 21 that can now drink in front of relatives manages to some how consume the least amount of alcohol but is the most annoying drunk of them all. Good times. I can't wait.
(88 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
November 26th, 2008 at 04:54 pm
I am none of those. Thank the lord almighty! Because I wouldn't want anyone knowing my secret obsession with fantasy football. I let my boyfriend pick my team, I think he knew a guy who played fantasy football once. Seriously though, I just want to have conversations about how I think the whole JFK thing was a conspiracy with Grandma, but she can't hear me. I think I will go have a drink, or two, or three.
November 26th, 2008 at 06:04 pm
what about the recovering alcoholic who is very religious due to AA
November 26th, 2008 at 06:24 pm
Good post, don't listen to the rest of these retards, they have nothin' to say.
November 26th, 2008 at 10:28 pm
The best defence against this shite is to celebrate all such feasts with but one person. I haven't has a Christmas or thanksgiving with anyone except my latest squeeze for twenty years or more. No arguments, no sodding family, heaps of food and as much sex, drinks and drugs as we can get into us. :-)
November 26th, 2008 at 11:22 pm
so don't go, and stay hole and beat off.
November 27th, 2008 at 06:46 am
How about the relative that is a new Weight Watchers convert and announces the point value of every item on her plate and yours.
November 27th, 2008 at 07:35 am
How about going to the in-laws, wife wouldn't go to my family under gun point but each year I have to go to hers, where they are such clean freaks that we cannot go into the house with shoes on. It gets better; the house is not big enough for us all so we take our shoes off only to go to the garage to eat. We have the religious, those that worship god, those that worship the great sales, and those that worship sports. How anyone has enough time in their life to memorize the players of professional, college, and high school sports is beyond me. However if you talk about your favorite team "I don’t follow that team" will be the answer. There are also children who are not disciplined and will be into everything. We are expected to spend the entire day, even though we see most of these people almost daily.
November 27th, 2008 at 01:10 pm
As someone who's been in AA for a good few years, I know that I WAS that incredibly annoying guy at Thanksgiving when I gave up.
Conversation:
"Hi, want a beer?"
"No thanks Joe, I've given up drinking because of my inappropriate actions. I feel so bad. There was this time..."
Thank God I don't do that now.
But how about just simply going home and seeing 'friends' from high school that have stayed in the small town while the rest of you went off to live your own lives. He's still living up his life as the high-school quarterback who was good enough for Division III football but decided to 'get a real job' in the town and be with his girl. You then find out that the person is not only without said girlfriend (she left for college YEARS ago), but he's just left his job.
Conversation:
"Hey, you remember that time when...."
'God, do I. It was 1-11 with under a minute to go...."
I could go on, but here's to you, Mr Stay-At-Home quarterback.
November 27th, 2008 at 01:11 pm
As someone who's been in AA for a good few years, I know that I WAS that incredibly annoying guy at Thanksgiving when I gave up.
Conversation:
"Hi, want a beer?"
"No thanks Joe, I've given up drinking because of my inappropriate actions. I feel so bad. There was this time..."
Thank God I don't do that now.
But how about just simply going home and seeing 'friends' from high school that have stayed in the small town while the rest of you went off to live your own lives. He's still living up his life as the high-school quarterback who was good enough for Division III football but decided to 'get a real job' in the town and be with his girl. You then find out that the person is not only without said girlfriend (she left for college YEARS ago), but he's just left his job.
Conversation:
"Hey, you remember that time when...."
'God, do I. It was 1-11 with under a minute to go...."
I could go on, but here's to you, Mr Stay-At-Home quarterback.
November 27th, 2008 at 07:20 pm
The uncle that is an expert at every thing. He swoops in on all projects because he knows exactly what you are doing wrong. Except that he doesn't and usually exacerbates the situation.
Putting together the nephews new toy, check
Taking apart the trap in the kitchen sink, check
Taking over the lighting of the fireplace, check
Telling everyone how he is starting to make his own wine, check
Makes sure to insinuate that women can't do it, check
November 27th, 2008 at 07:27 pm
what sucks is when your whole family is that religious relative and you are about to explode at all the ridiculous stuff they say and you just want to say "God Isn't Real"
November 27th, 2008 at 07:43 pm
lol my family has all 7 haha
November 27th, 2008 at 09:52 pm
Those relatives can all be annoying, personally I hate the 8th annoying relative, the one who judges and criticizes all his family members.
November 28th, 2008 at 01:51 am
THE SUPER OLD GRANDPARENT - She's a hottie, and I want to fuck her. I' can't stop jacking off to her lovely face. She could suck me dry anytime she wants.
November 28th, 2008 at 09:47 am
your missing my personal favorite....the parolee. he always adds a nice lil touch to a good evening
November 28th, 2008 at 12:09 pm
OMG!!! I am the overly political relative, the Ron Paul Junkie. But my rant at the table was to the effect that people need to get involved and interested in politics and work toward electing better people to office.
As to the really elderly relative, we had a 96 year old at our gathering. He is actually a very delightful man who suffers more from low vision and decreased mobility. I asked him if he remembered the Great Depression. He remembered it well. These are the ones we need to be talking with. Listen to what they have to tell us and use it when the next one comes around. (As a Ron Paul junkie, I believe the Next One is imminent.)
November 28th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
I have to disagree. The religious relative has got to be number 1 in my book.
November 29th, 2008 at 03:36 am
I have an aunt who works in some Insurance company, which basically turns every big family dinner, like say Christmas eve into a 4 hours discussion about insurances and money...
November 29th, 2008 at 01:29 pm
RON PAUL!!!!!!!
November 30th, 2008 at 04:40 am
Well I'm Romanian, first generation in the states, and all my uncles argue about is politics in romania and america, I have 3 meth addict cousins and one whose on oxies.
lets see, there was 3 kids under 7 at my house, man that was fun running around making sure they didn't break anything.
Oh did I mention my meth addict cousin brought her heroin addicted boyfriend...
Can't wait to finish college and move far far away
November 30th, 2008 at 06:27 am
It's probably because we don't have an indian-genocide-remembrance in Europe, but I don't get the jokes..
December 3rd, 2008 at 03:13 pm
god...they're everywhere
November 30th, 2008 at 08:23 am
Aren't you cute pointing out that the people you sent over here killed the people living here, which makes you better than us, because you sent them over, so they are no longer you.
Also, none of these jokes had anything to do with the actual Holiday, perhaps you should visit your family sometimes. You're probably not invited though since they don't like you.
November 30th, 2008 at 11:14 am
" It's probably because we don't have an indian-genocide-remembrance in Europe, but I don't get the jokes.. " - stupid foreigner
point of history - it was the Spanish, English, French and Dutch who were mostly to blame for the genocide of Indians,
3/4 of the American Indians were already dead due to diseases and war before the declaration of Independence's
the pilgrims were English citizens ,
and anyway thanksgiving is a day to give thanks for what we have, its not a celebration of the genocide of the indians ............thats Columbus day !!
December 1st, 2008 at 05:57 pm
Probably best not to call people stupid foreigners. You're just picking a fight with 95% of the world's population. Unfortunately most of them hate you already just because you are American.
Personally, I have nothing against you, I've never even met you.
Just a helpful hint.
February 14th, 2009 at 01:08 pm
im not one to kiss the ass's of people who shit on the USA, she wants to dump on us for the american Indian's being ran over on one of our most prominent national holidays then the dumb bitch gets what she deserves
USA, USA, USA !!!
December 5th, 2008 at 03:22 pm
This entry - and really, your whole site - makes me so happy. You don't even understand. It's so wonderful to know there are assholes besides myself, be they overt or closet case.
December 7th, 2008 at 01:27 pm
Isn't Andy Dick supposed to have a permanent spot on every "Most Annoying --- at --- " list?
December 12th, 2008 at 08:51 am
I HAVE SOME OF THOSE PEOPLE IN MY FAMILY
December 12th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Hilarious article. High-quality online writing that is so rare and very funny. Great choice for pictures.
December 15th, 2008 at 03:05 am
Oh ya!
February 14th, 2009 at 05:25 pm
You’re sooooo right about the recovering alcoholic. My father in law is a recovering alcoholic (he had to stop drinking due to his stomach ulcer) and he’s so annoying. He never forgets to tell us how brave he was joining an Alcohol Rehab Program and how strong he was being alcohol free for 2 years now. He only talks about that!
February 15th, 2009 at 01:40 pm
What about the nagging relatives?
"Your shirt is not buttoned up right!"
"I think you've had enough turkey!"
"Why aren't you eating your vegetables?" (towards kids)
"Are you going to get married yet?"
You're forced to hold your tongue, but inside, you're aching to reply: "Man, shut up and let us enjoy ourselves!"
February 16th, 2009 at 10:13 pm
Haha..this is so funny.
My great grandma was 98 also, and she always asked when we were going to get married...and we had been married for years..then she'd get mad and say "why didn't you invite me to the wedding?" You were there great grandma....
We had to start bringing a photo with her next to me in my wedding dress.
Also have the religious and political relatives...they're usually the same people.
February 26th, 2009 at 01:28 am
You forgot to mention the relative that follows the drug rehab program. That should be a lot of fun: imagine the discussion. What have you been doing lately? Nothing, I was involved in the powder business, but now I'm trying to quit. I had enough of that.
March 30th, 2009 at 11:05 am
Hello everyone. If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
I am from Botswana and too bad know English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "For cheap tickets on top domestic and international airlines, check out our book your cheap plane ticket on onetravel."
THX :), Thierry.
November 2nd, 2009 at 03:59 am
Here's one for the list, The relative who brings the humongous dog. They usually bring Muttzilla and let him roam all about the house so he will be free to shed fur on everyone's coats, jump on everyone that walks through the door, stare at everyone waiting for them to throw food to him, and in general get in the way.
I also get the overly political relative only his usual conversation is all about how George W. Bush is Satan incarnate. Granted I didn't care for Bush either but I don't spend every last second of my day talking about him.
November 15th, 2009 at 11:29 am
Recovering alcoholic? Oh if we were all so blessed to have RECOVERING ones. But seriously, how could you miss the most important one of all, the CURRENT alcoholic? You know... the uncle that always has too much to drink and goes into his crazy stories as a wild youth. How about the brother in law that always seems to show up with a case of HIS favorite beer, offers to share, but ends up downing them so fast during the noon football game that hes passed out on the couch during family games after turkey dinner. Or the (insert relative type here) that just turned 21 that can now drink in front of relatives manages to some how consume the least amount of alcohol but is the most annoying drunk of them all. Good times. I can't wait.
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