Poor Brad Childress. Last year, he was one game away from the Super Bowl. Today, he’s sitting with Wade Phillips in the unemployment line. But I believe that when life gives you lemons, you should chuck those lemons right at life’s head and then steal life’s wallet as compensation for giving you lemons. You follow? What I’m trying to say is Brad shouldn’t sit around feeling sorry for himself like a little punk. Instead, he should hit the pavement in search of a new and better job. Here are seven suggested career paths he might want to look into.
The Fast Food Industry
Many people look down on the fast-food industry, but feeding people is a very noble profession. Plus, he’s already got the headset.
If there’s one thing I learned in high shcool, it’s that you don’t have to be on the team to support the team. A career as an NFL cheerleader seems like a natural fit for Brad, aside from the whole "cock and balls" thing.
Justin Bieber Back-Up Dancer
Before he was a coach, Brad spent time as an offensive coordinator. He should put those coordination skills to work as a backup dancer for Justin Bieber. After all, he was willing to work with Randy Moss, so I’m sure he’ll be able to handle a little prick like JB.
Lady Gaga Coat
Yeah, this entry has nothing to do with anything. I just wanted to make a coat out of Brad’s head, and I did, so screw you.
TSA Airport Screener
Brad Childress knows what it’s like to be hated. Right now, the TSA is in desperate need of people who don’t mind being loathed by the public. It’s the perfect fit.
Sex Offender on ‘Law and Order: SVU’
Brad Childress is not a sex offender. But that mustache certainly makes him look like one. Brad should use that to his advantage by playing a creep on "Law and Order: SVU."
Wade Phillips’ Caretaker
Wade Phillips was never a slim man, but since losing his job with the Cowboys, he’s really let himself go. Acting as Wade’s caretaker will not only put food on Brad’s table, but it will be a great chance for both men to bond over their shared experiences in the NFL, and to cope with the pain of being fired. After all, sometimes by helping others, the one you end up helping the most is yourself.