The world is buzzing with the new video of Justin Bieber allegedly urinating in a mop bucket at a nightclub. But is that really what the video shows? Do we know exactly what was going on? Do we know the context? No. All we know for sure is that Justin Bieber is one of the greatest people on Earth. I think I’ve got some ideas about what really happened.
It Was On Fire
The video only shows the Biebs from behind, but it’s pretty obvious that he was heroically standing in front of his friends and putting out a potentially dangerous faire that could have spread and destroyed not just that nightclub, but maybe the whole East Coast.
He Suffers From OAB
Over active bladder is no laughing matter. You need to pee all the time. How can you fault Justin if he has a medical condition? Imagine how he’d suffer if he was unable to pee when he needed to. The Biebs entertains millions, just let him pee when he needs to pee you judgmental bastards! It’s not like he shat in a mailbox. He didn’t do that, right?
Severe Macular Degeneration
Imagine being under those hot lights day in and day out providing so much awesome and wholesome entertainment for so many! It’s possible the Biebs is so giving, his very body is suffering for his art and his vision is so far gone the poor boy couldn’t even tell it wasn’t a toilet!
We all know the Biebs is cool under pressure, so if he happened to notice on his way out of a building that he dangle had been accosted by a penis goblin, do you think he’d panic? Heck no! Justin would just get that thing off the only way recommended by the American Medical association – the jet of a healthy stream of urine. He was doing it to protect himself and others!
Did you see the weiner? The urine itself? No. It’s very possible that maybe Justin has to drinbk Ensure because of his busy schedule and he had an old Ensure in a wineskin and it wasn’t safe to consume any longer so he had to empty it but, being a younger fellow, he was embarrassed and tried to save face by pretending to do something cool and rebellious when we all know the Biebs would never do something so grody, not for reals!
You can hear other people on that video and obviously they’re with Justin, but why? He was probably try to help them out because he’s such a giving guy. Likely one of them was having a panic attack and the Biebs, quick thinker that he is, thought to calm his companions nerves by replicating the soothing sounds of a waterfall so that his friend could calm down and collect himself. Justin probably saved his life, TMZ!
It Wasn’t Justin
Why would the real Justin Bieber ever pee in a mop bucket? He probably has his own solid gold toilet at home. Likely this was some Justin Bieber wannabe, like some shmuck from One Direction, or Jake Busey. The real Biebs would never be so ungracious and his precious golden offering doesn’t go in such pedestrian receptacles.