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7 Best 80s Action Movies To Watch When You’re High

Some movies are super awesome when you’ve smoked a lot of pot.  Now, I’m sure you have your own list, but this is ours.
 
7. Die Hard
 
 
Now, many of you might say this movie is stand alone, nothing is enhanced when you’re high.  I beg to differ for the sole reason that if you’re high, you are physically unable to not repeat every single line that Hans Gruber or Ellis the cokehead say.  And when you’re high, sitting around listening to your buddies do an impression of an English guy doing an impression of a german guy is pretty much the funniest thing that this universe has ever created for some reason.  Not to mention, Bruce Willis’s sheer Baddassity in this movie provokes profound debate.  “Okay, so, wait, let’s say McClain goes to jail for something.  You think he would get raped?”  “No way dude, he’s f*&king McClain.”  “Yeah, but in jail, he wouldn’t have a gun or anything.  And he’s not that big.”  “I don’t give a shit dude, McClain is not getting raped man.  It’s not happening.  He’s make a gun out of a toilet or something.”
 
Best Quote When You’re High: (dead body falls on a police car)
 
Bruce Willis: "Welcome to the party, pal!"
 
Best Part When You’re High
 
 
6. Road House
 
 
Swayze  rips a dudes neck out in Road House.  His neck out.  Secondly, aside from some retardedly awkward sex scenes where they just show swayze’s man ass like it was court ordered, there’s a blind dude that gets bottles hurled at him while he plays shows.  Not to mention, when Swayze hits rock bottom, there’s probably one of the most hilariously awesome “Times are tough for our main character” montages I’ve ever seen.  Then after that, he f’in blows up a dudes mansion.  For me though, the best part of being high and watching this movie is not the movie itself, it’s wondering what in the f*&k the conversation was between the guy who came up with this, and the movie studio executive who greenlit it was.  “Okay, it’s a guy who’s a legendary bouncer.”  “How does somebody become a legendary bouncer?”  “I don’t know, he just is.  Anyway, he’s here to clean up a bar that’s really rough, then there’s a bad guy…and, dude it’s swayze and we’ll have  him oiled up and stretching just give me the money to make this god dammit.”
 
Best Quote When You’re High:  (Swayze to a guy who he just fired, who asks him what he should do now)

Swayze: “There’s always barber college.”

 
Best Part When You’re High:
 

 
 
5. Robocop
 
 
There’s only one thing cooler than a kick-ass cop who’s hell-bent on revenge: a kick-ass ROBOT cop who’s hell-bent on revenge.  From the dismal portrayal of the future to the awesome,  80’s-bad-guy-getting-shot-and-falling-into-piles-of-things shots, Robocop will entertain you from start to finish.  Paul Verhoeven directed Robocop, and gore sort of his trademark, but it’s gore to an extent that it ceases to be disgusting and just becomes comical, which is great. 
 
Best Quote When You’re High:  Bad Guy: (after shooting Robocop a ton of times and not even causing a scratch) Shit! I’m out of ammo!
 
Best Part When You’re High:
 
 
4. BTTF (Trilogy)
 

 
From a writing standpoint, the entire BTTF series is just phenomenal.  The handling of recurrences and the way that revisited scenes change on different “timelines” within the film is brilliant, particularly in BTTF 2.  As to which of the three movies is the best, it all comes down to personal opinion.  Some people like the first movie better.  Some people like the second movie better. Nobody really likes the third movie better, so we’ll forget about that one for now.  Personally, I prefer the second film, because of the awesomely ridiculous portrayal of 2015.  The evolution of technology in the futuristic world is hilarious.  Fax machines in every room (including a closet)?  The Café 80’s? Awesomely ridiculous.
 
Best Quote When You’re High:
 
Doc: “I foresee two possibilities.  One, [the young Jennifer] coming face to face with herself 30 years older would put her into shock and she’d simply pass out. Or two, the encounter could create a time paradox, the results of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that’s a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.”
 
Marty: “Well, that’s a relief.”
 
Best Part When You’re High
 
 
 
3. Predator
 
 
First of all, this might just be one of the best movies to watch in any state, period.  But it’s especially awesome to watch high because there’s enough testosterone in this movie to grow a penis on your mom.  They can’t even shake hands normal in this movie, they have to grab each other’s hand and then turn it into an arm wrestle.  Also, let’s not forget a 7 foot alien that has a f’in cannon on his shoulder that explodes your face dude.  I think what makes this a great “high” movie for me are the little moments that spark super awesome pothead conversation.  Such as when the one dude is hiding in the bushes, hunting the Predator, and decides to start shaving his face.  Why is he shaving his face?  Why would he bring a razor with him while he was hunting?  Answer, because it’s a movie.  Answer when you’re high?: “dude, maybe they were about to pack up, and he carried it with him because he didn’t want it to get lost or maybe it was like, a razor that his kid gave to him or something.”  I’ve had that conversation for two hours high once.  It was awesome.

Best Quote When You’re High:  (When Arnold sees Apollo Creed dude for the first time after a long absence.)

 
“Dillon, you son of a bitch.  What’s the matter?  C.I.A. got you pushing too many pencils?” Followed by awesome hand shake.

Best Part When You’re High
 
 
 
2.  Rambo: First Blood
 

 
Rambo is basically like Road House, except its not for pussies.  Instead of being about how cool and confident Patrick Swayze is, Rambo is about a trained killer setting boobie traps for the asshole cops that are hassling him in the woods.  In Road House, Swayze turns the other cheek countless times, even after the bad guy blows up his friend’s store and beats the crap out of all of his co-workers.  Rambo would have blown that dude’s mansion up after the first time the bad guy pissed him off.  That’s why Rambo is a bad-ass.  Additionally, Rambo: First Blood contained a lot of social commentary for its time, as the country was dealing with a huge Vietnam vet problem.  Obviously Rambo was a ridiculous over-exaggeration, but Rambo’s cool, methodical demeanor appealed to some people a lot more than Swayze’s glistening abs.
 
Best Quote When You’re High:
 
Rambo: (to the driver of the Army truck that he’s just hi-jacked) “Don’t look at me, look at the road. That’s how accidents happen.”
 
Best Part When You’re High:
 
 
 
1. Commando
 
 
Um, I don’t know if you know this but Arnold JUMPS OUT OF A F*&KING PLANE that’s 150 feet off the ground, going 200 mph, lands, and then bursts into a full sprint.   You can almost hear the director snorting cocaine off camera during this movie.  Depending on how high you are, there’s a chance you could rewind and watch JUST that scene 15-20 times and then try to mathematically figure out the speed at which his body would slam into the ground.   There is no amount of high you can get, that’s too high to watch this movie.  Not only is Arnold so buff he has trouble reaching parts of his body, but this movie has by far the most amazing amount of bad one liners in the history of movies, not to mention a bad guy who fights him at the end, who looks like he eats a diet that solely consists of pie.  Be sure to pay attention to Dan Hedaya who’s attempting to pull off a Cuban accent that sounds like a retarded child from Madrid.

Best Quote When You’re High:  So tough to choose, but I’d say the best quote comes at the end, when he’s thrown a pipe through the bad guy, pinning him to a wall of pipes filled with steam, causing steam to come out of the pipe that’s in his stomach.  He then says this:

“Let off some steam, bennet.”
 

Best Part When You’re High:
 

60 Responses to "7 Best 80s Action Movies To Watch When You’re High"

  1. Hossi says:

    wtf, TERMINATOR IS NOT THERE

    the best part is when Arnold attacks the police station

    now that was cool

  2. Jay T. says:

    My favorite First Blood quote is from a whiny David Caruso asking his boss, “Do we get to win this time, sir?”

  3. Anonymous says:

    THE WARRIORS

  4. jagoff says:

    I don’t want to be the asshole who points out what movies should be on this list because all of them are good, but I would give an honorable mention to Red Dawn and The Warriors.

    First time I saw these two gems I was blitzed out of my mind and now 5 years out of college both are in my dvd collection. Commies invading Iowa? Classic. Lame gang warfare in Coney Island? Count me in!

  5. Anonymous says:

    dude…Highlander….

  6. Anonymous says:

    Actually, The Warriors, was from the 70′s…1978 or 1979.

  7. Predator says:

    Road house, Predator, and Die Hard can be watched in any state and still be awesome.

  8. Tyler says:

    Also a hot chick pops out of a cake and shows her boobs.

    When I was 12, things like this were very important to me.
    It still is now, but with the internet….well, I’m a little desensitized now.

  9. Samantha says:

    howard the duck.. most awkward movie ever…I guarantee if your high or drunk that movie will create endless discussion.

  10. Anonymous says:

    na. for sure hard to kill

    “i’m gonna take you to the bank senator trent…to the blood bank”

  11. Anonymous says:

    The only thing on the list i disagree on is the scene in Rambo. The best scene to watch while high is by far the scene where he boobie traps the forest and takes out the whole police force.

  12. Howie Mandell’s acting in “Walk Like a Man” is something to behold when stoned.

    Brilliant work on this list though, gents. Although I’m a little disappointed to see the constant censorship of the word “fuck” all the way through. What the fuck?

  13. popotkin says:

    This was a verry cool list good work man.
    But i would put alien 2 and the Thing somewhere on the list, these two movies are f***ing great even if youre sober.

  14. Anonymous says:

    i love the statements from the other two about big trouble in little china….LOVE THAT MOVIE. one of my favorites as a kid…. and since we are on the action movie topic.. i wana know know what you think the best steven segel movie is??? my personal favorite.. MARKED FOR DEATH.

  15. justin says:
    Dude, come on.  Under Seige.  It’s got Segal AND Busey, on a boat and they’re supposed to be serious.  Unless the DVD case gave you a BJ, there’s not really anything more you can ask for from a movie.
  16. CJVercetti says:

    It’s just a list of the best 80s movies in reverse order

  17. JohnnyBrillcream says:

    Terminator’s not on the list. Should number 1.

  18. Anonymous says:

    clearly i will have to test this hypothesis of awesomeness out this weekend.

  19. Anonymous says:

    My favorite line in Commando is definitely whenever they are all on the chopper in the beginning…and Jesse Ventura starts offering everyone some chew and everyone declines. And he says
    ” A bunch of slacked jawed faggots around here. This stuff here will make you Hot damn sexual tyrannosaurus..(smiles with chew covering teeth) just like me!”

  20. Anonymous says:

    My favorite line in Predator is definitely whenever they are all on the chopper in the beginning…and Jesse Ventura starts offering everyone some chew and everyone declines. And he says
    ” A bunch of slacked jawed faggots around here. This stuff here will make you Hot damn sexual tyrannosaurus..(smiles with chew covering teeth) just like me!”

  21. Anonymous says:

    Agreed!

  22. Anonymous says:

    Mars attacks.. now thats a movie to see when you are high

  23. Anonymous says:

    Bloodsport is my favorite movie of all time and should be at the top of the list.
    Coincidentally, the director (Sheldon something-or-other) ALSO directed (I may be thinking of Commando, but it’s one of the two) another movie that should be on the list:
    The Running Man !!!

    Also, whichever of those two movies (Commando or The Running Man) was not directed by Sheldon something-or-other, was directed by the same guy who did the classic “Showdown in Little Tokyo” with Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee. That movie would be on this list except it was made in 1991. (I love when Dolph Lundgren deadlifts a car to use as a bullet shield).

  24. Anonymous says:

    wheres BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. come on kurt russel’s finest.

  25. god says:

    All youse guys are forgetting one of the all-time great 80′s movies to watch when you’re smokin da spleef: Road Warrior. Filmed in the Australian outback, that scene at the end with everyone gunning for the semi “full” of fuel makes both me and my bong very happy! Honorable mention should go to “To Live and Die in LA.” Going the wrong way on an Los Angeles freeway during midday traffic was an awesome scene (not to mention the insanely-hot redhead William DaFoe uses in the movie).

  26. Anonymous says:

    I f’in love commando!

  27. brentagade says:

    Great list! I thought of a few things that have too much awesomeness to forget:
    Predator: During the village attack, and Jesse Ventura and the Poncho character are conversing. Ventura says “The Son-of-a-bitch is dug in like an Alabama tick”. Poncho says “Your hit!, You’re bleedin’ man!”, and Ventura says….wait for it….”I ain’t got time to bleed!”
    Roadhouse: When Swayze is fighting that guy down by the lake, and the guy says to Swayze, “I used to fuck guys like you in prison!”….who says that? Is that really supposed to make you sound more manly??
    Commando: There was so much bad editing in this movie, one would almost wonder if it was meant to be edited that way. How many times is the M60 gonna magically reload itself…or the springboards throwing the guys in the air…still great though.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Starship Troopers is a must with a joint and a few tinnies!

  29. Anonymous says:

    great list except one thing… is bttf even a action movie?

  30. 321contact says:

    How about RED DAWN???WOLVERINES!!!!I’m still paranoid of the Ruskies & Cubans teaming up and attacking the U.S.

  31. Hung Like William says:

    My favorite quote of all time has to be from Trading Places (with Eddie Murphy / Dan Akroyd) the jail scene.

    Bearded Man: “You talkin about puttin a man in the hospital, How come I dont see no marks on you?”

    Bearded Mans friend: “Yeah!”

    Eddie Murphy: “Because I’m a karate man. And karate men bruise on the inside. But you wouldn’t know that cause you a big Barry White lookin mutha fucka!”

    =] pure comedy!

  32. Anonymous says:

    After the dude gets soaked in toxic waste in Robocop, then gets plastered all over the car, Freakin gets me every time.

  33. Red Surname says:

    This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time

  34. Anonymous says:

    Gotta agree on this one, i’m still stockpiling ammo just to be safe.

  35. I think robocop shouldn’t be on that list I don’t like the show

  36. austen says:

    Best parts of Commando:
    1. When he catches Sully over by a ravine and Sully says “Hey Matrix! You Said You’d Kill Me Last!” Ahnold: “You’re right sully I did say that…But Guess what…I LIED” as he drops him off of a cliff. Then speeds off in a clearly wrecked Porsche that turns into a BRAND NEW CAR!

    2. He goes to an Army surplus store, finds only items that fit him perfectly (cue speedo) and low and behold…the store houses a FUCKING ROCKET LAUNCHER! WHAT. THE.FUCK!

  37. Anonymous says:

    how about action jackson, jeje hot, hotter, hottest !!! jje dude goes too look for an informent at this ol underground pool hall and bro had nuts in a jar, jeje was funny but i’m too high right now for all the funny guoats.

    Aliens, Action Jackson, Terminator are def missing, oh and blood sport too…man I think I could even keep on going jejejejeje

  38. Anonymous says:

    your comin with me dead or alive

  39. Anonymous says:

    Road Warrior, as sweet as it is, doesn’t hold a candle to Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. Bust a deal, face the wheel!

  40. Best one liner, after stabbing someone into a tree, Arnold:”Stick around” from Predator which was the best on this list. T2 has got to be up there if for nothing else t1000 special fx.

  41. YoFace says:

    The topic is 80s action movies. T2 came out in the 90s.

  42. Anonymous says:

    damn. two great movies i was thinkin about while reading the list made it to the comments.. running man is the shit.. and big trouble in little china is classic.. without that we wouldnt be able to get high and play mortal kombat.

  43. Little Asian Girl says:

    In the above scene from Commando, Arnold originally wanted to use the arm he sliced off of the dude to hit him over the head. The only negitive thing I can say about the movie is that it didn’t included that!

    Favorie line: “I eat green berets for breakfast, and right now I’m very hungry.”

  44. justin says:
    I was going to add that, but I didn’t think anyone would believe me.  It’s on the commentary, and if you REALLY want to waste an entire day getting high, watch that commentary.  It’s unreal.  At one point the directors says that the producers asked him if they could make Arnold’s character mute.  I shit you not.
  45. Anonymous says:

    I was surprised Escape from New York wasn’t on there. Snake Pliskin FTW.

  46. Damn, that’s a great list

  47. Mark says:

    This list is excellent (including Road House and Commando is inspired) but I’m having a really hard time with the exclusion of Aliens and Terminator

  48. Anonymous says:

    Not really an Action Movie, is it? My personal favourite is Jean Claude Van Dammage’s Kickboxer.

  49. Anonymous says:

    Were the hell is Fast Times at Ridgemont High???!!!

  50. Anonymous says:

    ACTION Movies…it’s the title.

  51. Anonymous says:

    Agree with RoboCop, but the best line when high remains the one where Red from That 70′s Show politely requests that his associate’s female companions give them time for a bit of tete-a-tete: “Bitches, Leave!”

  52. jkc says:

    or when he spits blood in Robocop’s face after being thrown through the floor and goes “fucccckkkk youuuuuuu!!!”

  53. Anonymous says:

    Road house? wtf… thats not serious!

  54. Anonymous says:

    The concept of this article is freaking hilarious. Awesome.

  55. Pratik says:

    You built up the whole “jumping out of an airplane” scene in Commando and the clip was actually Arnold killing people with toolshed items. Frownie =(

  56. I agree with you on all of these movie choices. Top Notch. My only change would be a switch of predator and commando and maybe to add The Running Man to the list.

  57. Anonymous says:

    Absolutely. A few years ago Running Man came on TBS or TNT right after me and a few of my friends had gotten pretty wasted. I was so excited, then they got to the scene where the prisoner tries to run across the electric fence. The network edited out the awesome “exploding head” scene. I got so pissed that I turned off the TV and went to Circuit City to purchase the DVD. Then we came back and watched the whole thing.

  58. Suck It Easy says:

    Big Trouble Little China anyone????? I mean come on its Jack Burton, he has some of the best one liners and also refers to himself in third person..what more can you ask?

  59. DirtyJersey says:

    Big Trouble in Little China is a classic. Dont forget John Carpenters They Live. greatest fight scene ever!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EsZpdUUdd3I

  60. coco7wewe says:

    Fantastic list.