Some movies are super awesome when you've smoked a lot of pot. Now, I'm sure you have your own list, but this is ours.
7. Die Hard
Now, many of you might say this movie is stand alone, nothing is enhanced when you’re high. I beg to differ for the sole reason that if you’re high, you are physically unable to not repeat every single line that Hans Gruber or Ellis the cokehead say. And when you’re high, sitting around listening to your buddies do an impression of an English guy doing an impression of a german guy is pretty much the funniest thing that this universe has ever created for some reason. Not to mention, Bruce Willis’s sheer Baddassity in this movie provokes profound debate. “Okay, so, wait, let’s say McClain goes to jail for something. You think he would get raped?” “No way dude, he’s f*&king McClain.” “Yeah, but in jail, he wouldn’t have a gun or anything. And he’s not that big.” “I don’t give a shit dude, McClain is not getting raped man. It’s not happening. He's make a gun out of a toilet or something.”
Best Quote When You're High: (dead body falls on a police car)
Bruce Willis: "Welcome to the party, pal!"
Best Part When You're High
6. Road House
Swayze rips a dudes neck out in Road House. His neck out. Secondly, aside from some retardedly awkward sex scenes where they just show swayze’s man ass like it was court ordered, there’s a blind dude that gets bottles hurled at him while he plays shows. Not to mention, when Swayze hits rock bottom, there’s probably one of the most hilariously awesome “Times are tough for our main character” montages I’ve ever seen. Then after that, he f’in blows up a dudes mansion. For me though, the best part of being high and watching this movie is not the movie itself, it’s wondering what in the f*&k the conversation was between the guy who came up with this, and the movie studio executive who greenlit it was. “Okay, it’s a guy who’s a legendary bouncer.” “How does somebody become a legendary bouncer?” “I don’t know, he just is. Anyway, he’s here to clean up a bar that’s really rough, then there’s a bad guy…and, dude it’s swayze and we’ll have him oiled up and stretching just give me the money to make this god dammit.”
Best Quote When You're High: (Swayze to a guy who he just fired, who asks him what he should do now)
Swayze: “There’s always barber college.”
Best Part When You're High:
5. Robocop
There’s only one thing cooler than a kick-ass cop who’s hell-bent on revenge: a kick-ass ROBOT cop who’s hell-bent on revenge. From the dismal portrayal of the future to the awesome, 80’s-bad-guy-getting-shot-and-falling-into-piles-of-things shots, Robocop will entertain you from start to finish. Paul Verhoeven directed Robocop, and gore sort of his trademark, but it’s gore to an extent that it ceases to be disgusting and just becomes comical, which is great.
Best Quote When You're High: Bad Guy: (after shooting Robocop a ton of times and not even causing a scratch) Shit! I’m out of ammo!
Best Part When You're High:
4. BTTF (Trilogy)
From a writing standpoint, the entire BTTF series is just phenomenal. The handling of recurrences and the way that revisited scenes change on different “timelines” within the film is brilliant, particularly in BTTF 2. As to which of the three movies is the best, it all comes down to personal opinion. Some people like the first movie better. Some people like the second movie better. Nobody really likes the third movie better, so we’ll forget about that one for now. Personally, I prefer the second film, because of the awesomely ridiculous portrayal of 2015. The evolution of technology in the futuristic world is hilarious. Fax machines in every room (including a closet)? The Café 80’s? Awesomely ridiculous.
Best Quote When You're High:
Doc: “I foresee two possibilities. One, [the young Jennifer] coming face to face with herself 30 years older would put her into shock and she'd simply pass out. Or two, the encounter could create a time paradox, the results of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that's a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.”
Marty: “Well, that’s a relief.”
Best Part When You're High
3. Predator
First of all, this might just be one of the best movies to watch in any state, period. But it’s especially awesome to watch high because there’s enough testosterone in this movie to grow a penis on your mom. They can’t even shake hands normal in this movie, they have to grab each other’s hand and then turn it into an arm wrestle. Also, let’s not forget a 7 foot alien that has a f’in cannon on his shoulder that explodes your face dude. I think what makes this a great “high” movie for me are the little moments that spark super awesome pothead conversation. Such as when the one dude is hiding in the bushes, hunting the Predator, and decides to start shaving his face. Why is he shaving his face? Why would he bring a razor with him while he was hunting? Answer, because it’s a movie. Answer when you’re high?: “dude, maybe they were about to pack up, and he carried it with him because he didn’t want it to get lost or maybe it was like, a razor that his kid gave to him or something.” I’ve had that conversation for two hours high once. It was awesome.
Best Quote When You're High: (When Arnold sees Apollo Creed dude for the first time after a long absence.)
“Dillon, you son of a bitch. What’s the matter? C.I.A. got you pushing too many pencils?” Followed by awesome hand shake.
Best Part When You're High
2. Rambo: First Blood
Rambo is basically like Road House, except its not for pussies. Instead of being about how cool and confident Patrick Swayze is, Rambo is about a trained killer setting boobie traps for the asshole cops that are hassling him in the woods. In Road House, Swayze turns the other cheek countless times, even after the bad guy blows up his friend’s store and beats the crap out of all of his co-workers. Rambo would have blown that dude’s mansion up after the first time the bad guy pissed him off. That’s why Rambo is a bad-ass. Additionally, Rambo: First Blood contained a lot of social commentary for its time, as the country was dealing with a huge Vietnam vet problem. Obviously Rambo was a ridiculous over-exaggeration, but Rambo’s cool, methodical demeanor appealed to some people a lot more than Swayze’s glistening abs.
Best Quote When You're High:
Rambo: (to the driver of the Army truck that he’s just hi-jacked) “Don’t look at me, look at the road. That’s how accidents happen.”
Best Part When You're High:
1. Commando
Um, I don’t know if you know this but Arnold JUMPS OUT OF A F*&KING PLANE that’s 150 feet off the ground, going 200 mph, lands, and then bursts into a full sprint. You can almost hear the director snorting cocaine off camera during this movie. Depending on how high you are, there’s a chance you could rewind and watch JUST that scene 15-20 times and then try to mathematically figure out the speed at which his body would slam into the ground. There is no amount of high you can get, that’s too high to watch this movie. Not only is Arnold so buff he has trouble reaching parts of his body, but this movie has by far the most amazing amount of bad one liners in the history of movies, not to mention a bad guy who fights him at the end, who looks like he eats a diet that solely consists of pie. Be sure to pay attention to Dan Hedaya who’s attempting to pull off a Cuban accent that sounds like a retarded child from Madrid.
Best Quote When You're High: So tough to choose, but I’d say the best quote comes at the end, when he’s thrown a pipe through the bad guy, pinning him to a wall of pipes filled with steam, causing steam to come out of the pipe that’s in his stomach. He then says this:
Bloodsport is my favorite movie of all time and should be at the top of the list.
Coincidentally, the director (Sheldon something-or-other) ALSO directed (I may be thinking of Commando, but it's one of the two) another movie that should be on the list:
The Running Man !!!
Also, whichever of those two movies (Commando or The Running Man) was not directed by Sheldon something-or-other, was directed by the same guy who did the classic "Showdown in Little Tokyo" with Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee. That movie would be on this list except it was made in 1991. (I love when Dolph Lundgren deadlifts a car to use as a bullet shield).
All youse guys are forgetting one of the all-time great 80's movies to watch when you're smokin da spleef: Road Warrior. Filmed in the Australian outback, that scene at the end with everyone gunning for the semi "full" of fuel makes both me and my bong very happy! Honorable mention should go to "To Live and Die in LA." Going the wrong way on an Los Angeles freeway during midday traffic was an awesome scene (not to mention the insanely-hot redhead William DaFoe uses in the movie).
(59 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
February 16th, 2009 at 11:50 am
great list except one thing... is bttf even a action movie?
February 18th, 2009 at 09:24 pm
This is the funniest thing I've read in a long time
February 19th, 2009 at 06:41 pm
How about RED DAWN???WOLVERINES!!!!I'm still paranoid of the Ruskies & Cubans teaming up and attacking the U.S.
March 31st, 2009 at 03:31 am
Gotta agree on this one, i'm still stockpiling ammo just to be safe.
March 2nd, 2009 at 06:12 pm
Bloodsport is my favorite movie of all time and should be at the top of the list.
Coincidentally, the director (Sheldon something-or-other) ALSO directed (I may be thinking of Commando, but it's one of the two) another movie that should be on the list:
The Running Man !!!
Also, whichever of those two movies (Commando or The Running Man) was not directed by Sheldon something-or-other, was directed by the same guy who did the classic "Showdown in Little Tokyo" with Dolph Lundgren and Brandon Lee. That movie would be on this list except it was made in 1991. (I love when Dolph Lundgren deadlifts a car to use as a bullet shield).
April 13th, 2009 at 08:08 pm
All youse guys are forgetting one of the all-time great 80's movies to watch when you're smokin da spleef: Road Warrior. Filmed in the Australian outback, that scene at the end with everyone gunning for the semi "full" of fuel makes both me and my bong very happy! Honorable mention should go to "To Live and Die in LA." Going the wrong way on an Los Angeles freeway during midday traffic was an awesome scene (not to mention the insanely-hot redhead William DaFoe uses in the movie).
April 22nd, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Road Warrior, as sweet as it is, doesn't hold a candle to Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome. Bust a deal, face the wheel!
April 14th, 2009 at 02:20 pm
wheres BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA. come on kurt russel's finest.
May 15th, 2009 at 03:57 am
your comin with me dead or alive
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