The 8 Types Of Double Chins

January 14th, 2009 | 06:27 am

Nothing says, "I put mayonnaise on everything" like a good old-fashioned double chin. While an oversized sweatshirt might disguise your paunch, the double chin lets everyone know the truth about your fat-to-muscle ratio. Here are eight different kinds to keep an eye out for.

8. THE CHUNT (AKA THE CHIN GUNT, AKA THE CHUPA)

The Chunt (or Chupa) gets its name from its similarity to the large ball of fat (aka the bunt, gunt or fupa) found on the upper pelvic areas of many middle-aged women and some really hefty middle-aged men. Chin + Gunt = Chunt. Or, if you prefer, Chin + Fupa = Chupa.

7. THE FRESHMAN

It is common knowledge that most students gain their "Freshman 15" during the first year of college. They gain this weight because they go from being somewhat active high schoolers who want to get out of their parents house, to college freshman, who sit in a dorm room all day drinking cases of beer and downing Hot Pockets by the dozens. Basically, this double chin says, "I have decided to use my newfound freedom and independence to do absolutely nothing." This is the most American of all double chins.

6. THE CHINLESS WONDER

Sometimes there's nothing you can do about a double chin. Those who were born with the lack of a real chin can lose as much weight as they want, but their face will still be a sloping ridge that connects their nose to their chest. The only way to fix this "underbite", is to have an oral surgeon break your jaw and move it forward. This is the saddest of all the double chins.

5. THE BRIT

Despite what Entertainment Tonight might tell you, most British people do not look like Orlando Bloom or Daniel Craig. The majority of them live on a steady diet of fried batter, various types of disgusting pies and pints of beer. It's a recipe for the double chin you develop from having a thick layer of fat covering your entire body and loving soccer. (Honestly, the Brits don't get beer bellies, they just get larger all over. It's amazing.)

4. THE POLITICHIN

Most people who've grown up with a privileged family life tend to develop a nice, thick double chin that goes from ear to ear later in life. You can only get this form of double chin from years of dining on foie grois and pate while considering golf a form of exercise. It's also known as the "Bullfrog."

3. THE TURKEY WATTLE

The wattle on a turkey (the dangly red flap of skin under their beaks) has many uses in the turkey world. It attracts the opposite sex, wards off other male turkeys and it actually gets bigger and redder during mating season. In the human world, it's just kind of gross.

2. THE GOATEE SACK

The goatee is to the double chin what the combover is to the balding man or the corset is to the Victorian-era woman. It's not fooling anyone. The problem with the goatee sack is that it's usually employed by someone who's just starting to gain weight. So instead of holding off on the Ho-Hos and hitting the gym a little more, they are filled with a false sense of confidence from their new goatee look and think they look fine and continue to pack on the pounds. In America, the goatee is responsible for more weight gain than McDonald's, Wendy's and IHOP's new All-You-Can-Eat Pancakes combined.

1. THE LOST CAUSE

Sometimes, a double chin is the least of your worries.

BONUS CHIN!

THE DOUBLE BALLS CHIN

This form of the double chin is more of a species issue than an exercise or diet one. If you're born with this, there's nothing you or any doctor can do about it.

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Comments

22 Responses to "The 8 Types Of Double Chins"

Will Smith Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 08:51 am

Thank you guys for remembering the Ballchinian from my movie, MIB 2. Wikky wild wild west......

Jazzy Jeff Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 09:04 am

Yeah, they are the only ones who remember....

Bosco Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 10:04 am

I have a Brit...

cory Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 10:22 am

It's OK. I have the Double Balls Chin.

Bootylam! Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 11:48 am

Will Smith is a closet case, guaranteed he knows something about ballchins.

joloe Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 11:51 am

I've been known to call the "the chinless wonder" the "mcnugget" because the person's head resembles the shape of a McD's chicken nugget. (especially fitting if the person had a pale yellow/golden skin tone)

Bob Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 11:52 am

Number 3 is called a gobbler also the "brit" is insulting an dammit I am not British.

Roger Lodge Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 03:55 pm

Am I gay if I watch The Bachelor?

Tyler Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 04:31 pm

Yes.....also putting your penis inside a dude is another way to tell.

Chin Ups Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 06:41 pm

Chindler's List or Dick Chinny. I can't decide.

Anonymous Says:
January 14th, 2009 at 11:59 pm

What about the no neck, George Fisher from Cannibal Corpse is a prime example.

Dr. Benway Says:
January 15th, 2009 at 03:36 am

I call the "Chinless Wonder" the "Gullet". Like a pelican pouch

Cyanide Says:
January 15th, 2009 at 04:06 am

Oh my god I laughed out loud. You mentions 'Chin+Fupa=Chupa'. In Hindi slang, 'Chupa' means a blowjob.

Anonymous Says:
January 15th, 2009 at 07:57 am

'chupa' is also portuguese for 'suck'. Now you can stop wondering where the 'chupa chups' lollipops found their name. Or where the hindi get their slang from.

Luli Says:
January 17th, 2009 at 04:07 am

In spanish "chupa" means "suck" too

itkeepsrepeating Says:
January 15th, 2009 at 07:45 am

Alternative for 'lost cause':

"More chins than a chinese phone book"

faceplant Says:
January 18th, 2009 at 11:18 am

i was especting some witty title
like "the chincinatti"
but this will suffice

todders Says:
February 21st, 2009 at 09:17 pm

Is that a bloated Jason Bateman I see?

Yo, check out this hilarious sketch I just saw about the GIRLS GONE WILD PORNO BAILOUT (but beware the mustacho'd man):

http://www.digitalfuntown.com/videos/150

Anonymouse Says:
February 22nd, 2009 at 10:50 am