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8 Memos From God’s Desk

God is really busy, so sometimes he doesn’t always have time to deal with problems directly. When that happens, just like your boss, he sends a memo.

54 Responses to "8 Memos From God’s Desk"

  1. Tatersalad says:

    chrisH your are a retard, make sure you use your fingers next time to count. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,and what comes after that 8! wow 8 memos.

  2. tempenade says:

    I’m not sure where you all learned to count, or maybe you just have a poor memory from having your Blackberry remember everything for you, but there are most definately 8 memos. Just to make things easier on you so that you don’t have to scroll back up to the top (I know how annoying that can be with your little BBerry thumb scroller), here are the 8 topics:

    1. Masturbation
    2. Dorritos
    3. Herpes
    4. Gayness
    5. Rumer
    6. Dry Cleaning
    7. Pony Tails
    8. Amish

  3. Anonymous says:

    thanks for letting me know how i pronouncesgit yagoff

  4. inthetwilight says:

    Yeah, I counted 8 as well, good job guys…

  5. Dom says:

    Tatersalad, learn to type and show up earlier so you can actually see that there were only 7. Tardsalad

    Pony tails wasn’t on the list

  6. jesuslover says:

    The other day I used the phrase “Jesus titty fucking Christ” and my friend said it was wrong. But honestly if JC lived right now he’d be tight as shit and totally fuck chicks in the tits.

  7. Josh says:

    God isn’t gay.

  8. Hermen says:

    Yo dom and other retards like him learn to read there are 8 memos

  9. This was so utterly fucking hilarious.

    I had to Google who the hell Rumer Willis was though. Very cool. I guess that’s what happens when you mix Demi and Bruce, for sure.

    I learned something today.

    Hail Holy Taco!

  10. Kodak says:

    Hells Bells, that memo about pony tails most certainly wasn’t there early on, it must have been added later in the day. The author of this article site ALSO fixed the Amish post , replacing the word “shudder” with “shutter”.

    But I digress, the memos are all funny and worth reading.

  11. Lee says:

    Well Americans pronounce ‘shudder’ the same way as they pronounce ‘shutter’, so maybe he’s speaking Americanish?

  12. Kodak says:


    … what the fuck are you talking about?



  13. Pratik says:

    I still demand an explanation for Pauly Shore and self-help books.

  14. Anonymous says:

    God had nothing to do with Pauly Shore, Satan and MTV got together and produced him.

  15. Anonymous says:

    what are you talking about there are 8 memo’s you morons

  16. Pauly Shore says:

    I counted 9 memo’s.

  17. Pauly Shore says:

    I counted 9 memo’s

  18. PENIS WRINKLE says:

    WHAt AbOut VagInas? WhyDiD He Makee Theem Smel Funnee?

  19. Brendan says:

    OMG. You say he died. crap. I am going to chuck out my cameras. i SAY THEY ARE FILLED WITH EVIL. EVIL INSIDE THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  20. fluffernutter says:

    your moms filled with evil.

  21. aherosxtrial says:

    god is pretty down to earth for being so far out… hahahaha

  22. oliver says:

    gay is not a life style – it’s a sexuality.

  23. Smurfette's left tit says:


  24. Odonata28 says:

    Great Zombie Jesus.

  25. Anonymous says:

    There are 8 memos. The Gay memo doesnt imply that God is gay, just that He has some feminine tendencies He prefers not to talk about. Ex. He likes shoes.
    ….and “Penis Wrinkle”, why did you even need to go there? dont need to think about that, man.

  26. Anonymous says:

    don’t you mean udderly? :P

  27. Mikey says:

    gay is not a lifestyle? heh, I think it is my friend. you’re buggering about the difference between blond hair and blond attitude. yeah, different but still pretty much the same anyway.

  28. Allison says:

    hey chrisH, there is 8 memos, yes 8.
    learn to count!

    (and just for the record i am not amish :P )

  29. strat89 says:

    That’s because you are an idiot…

  30. Anonymous says:

    Jeez… I don’t believe in god–but really? You don’t have to insult the people who do.

  31. Buzz Killington says:

    I’m guessing you aren’t amish then tard….there is 8 memos (I’m not amish btw)

  32. chrisH says:

    At least the Amish know how to count. Or maybe they don’t. Whatever. There’s only 7 freakin memos.

  33. Anonymous says:


    Have a look at some of the other things the bible mentions:

    Leviticus 20:9 If anyone curses his father or mother, he must be put to death.

    Leviticus 20:10 If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife,with the wife of his neighbor,both the adulterer and the adulteress must be put to death.

    Leviticus 20:13 If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death.

    If you want to follow that one rule why not follow them all? Dont be a bigot.

  34. Anonymous says:

    Yep, this sounds like God all right. Hypocritical in allowing the rules to be bent for His own selfish benefit,and a TOTAL prick. That’s Him, all right.

  35. Josh says:

    lol what an asshole you are.

  36. Kinnison says:

    So if gays are okay… Sodom and Gomorrah are mistakes?

    How can they be fruitful and multiply? all they do is do 69 or pack their sh**

    Here is a better memo:

    TO: Gays and Lesbians

    RE: Your doing it wrong

    Until humanity finds a way to allow two men or two women to have children on their own please stop. yes it might feel good but I am not going to endorse any marriage no matter what anyone says. Until then.. just stop.. especially the guys. That orifice was meant for exit only.

    Now the ladies, if you want to do it for fun.. I am not going to stop you. But at some point when your Eros type love fades, find a guy, marry him, and have lots of children. Please? and if he thinks a finger in the bum will make him happy.. well, i guess you need to make him happy.


  37. Fresno says:

    Yeah, maybe film cameras won’t steal your soul…but thos digital ones are concentrated evil. I know a guy who had his picture taken once. Five years later or so? He was dead. True story.

  38. tombot says:

    Fresno you’re such a liar. It takes at least 5 digital pics to kill. Having his picture taken once won’t do shit.

  39. Kodak says:

    Cameras do not have “shudders”, they have “shuTTers”.

    Damn it.

  40. chaosthirteen says:

    They must believe the camera’s will steal their soul for them to have a shudder. Unless he meant shutter. In that case, most cameras would be equipped with them.

  41. Frank says:

    Hey, maybe there is no eighth memo. Maybe it’s one of them metaphorical things. Yeah, yeah… Like maybe the eighth memo is inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.

  42. MMAStation says:

    “Hey, maybe there is no eighth memo. Maybe it’s one of them metaphorical things. Yeah, yeah Like maybe the eighth memo is inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.”

    ^^ I can go with that

  43. SkiBum says:

    “Hey, maybe there is no eighth memo. Maybe it’s one of them metaphorical things. Yeah, yeah Like maybe the eighth memo is inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.

    ^^ Gay

  44. Super Peon says:

    “”Hey, maybe there is no eighth memo. Maybe it’s one of them metaphorical things. Yeah, yeah Like maybe the eighth memo is inside each of us, created by our goodwill and teamwork.

    ^^ Gay”

    ^^ Gay Envy

  45. Lambsie Divy says:

    The one about masturbating is so lame. Anyway, it doesn’t make any sense because who’s fault is it that they have hands and protruding appendages — and for what? So God’s not going to be upset that a 15-year-old applies himself. Everybody knows they can’t tell time.

    I’m glad I didn’t know about any of this when I was a 15-year-old girl! Ick!!


  46. Frank says:

    My grandma got her picture taken once, and she died right away.

    …5 years after…

    …she got hit by a truck…

  47. Anonymous says:

    Definitely doesn’t have an “a” in it.

  48. WhiskeyGirl says:

    the gay one is awesome!!

  49. rose says:

    this is so funny i am on the floor laughing

  50. Jaysen says:

    i kinda like it how it makes God like a regular person, but hes still God, i think that concept is pretty cool, and to chrisH, there r 8 memos dude.

  51. cameras are terrifying says:

    We all know cameras feast on the souls of the young, innocent, and amish. Cameras are absolutely terrifying, and I promise cameras shoot to kill.

  52. From the desk of God says:

    Ok, I read that one as you were writing it, but had to help out a few people that survived a Tornado.

    Look, if you don’t like my Son, your going to Hell.

    Do I make myself clear? You wouldn’t even know if you met a Christian…

    Now, do me a favor, and apply for that sewer cleaning job I put into your head…

  53. Anonymous says:

    i hate all the christains i have evry met, and the amish good fucking hell, wat are they all bout, oh well fuck em

  54. Font says:

    Hey. Man is only miserable so far as he thinks himself so.
    I am from Solomon and learning to speak English, give please true I wrote the following sentence: “Font fitting room deluxe provides the professional font manager functions in.An overview of how tex handles fonts, and how to install new postscript fonts for use with a tex system.”

    With best wishes 8-), Cheney.