Serial killing has become all the rage since Anthony Hopkins made it irascibly charming in the 1990s and true crime drama allowed every pseudo slug who enjoys a James Patterson book to sit at home and be an amateur “profiler” no matter how inaccurate their perception of real serial killer behavior is. Lately, though, we’ve been seeing a real dearth in serial murder entertainment. Really, since Monster came out there’s been nothing and the biggest message we took away from that movie is that ugly people are at risk of losing movie roles to beautiful people in makeup.
Until a fascinating new psychologically corrupted malcontent shows up to make Law & Order interesting again, sate your hunger for fun and death musically, and check out these cheerful songs about famous serial killers. Slaughtering people has never been such toe-tapping fun!
Cannibal – Ke$ha
Ladies first, but all we have is Kesha so we’ll have to settle for that. Kesha’s cannibal is, strictly speaking, an ode to her sluttery. It’s about a young lass who goes through male partners with little emotion, what some would refer to as a “man eater,” thus the clever cannibal metaphor. And, since real life serial killer Jeffery Dahmer was a real life cannibal, she tosses in a line about him as well. This is a case of mixed metaphors but the song was written and released already so there’s no going back on it or trying to have it make sense. Or be anything but totally terrifying. Lord knows what kind of bacteria that girl has in her mouth.
Dirty Frank – Pearl Jam
Another ditty dedicated to Jeffery Dahmer, Pearl Jam’s Dirty Frank is as delightful as it is awful. How awful? The line “I cook ‘em just to see the look on their face” is repeated dozens of times. Fun! Unlike some songs, Eddie Vedder and crew didn’t bother trying to keep this one subtle, they just ripped apart verse after verse of human feasting, which in itself is kind of amusing, but it’s capped off nicely with a quick nod to the Shaft theme song, which makes this fully awesome, for a song about a dude who ate other people.
Diddy Doo Wop – Hall & Oates
Everyone enjoyed the Son of Sam because he talked to dogs. Everyone except the six people he killed and the others he wounded. As fun as he was, claiming to be a member of a Satanic cult and not the only killer, it seems reasonable someone should have written a doo wop song in his honor, so why not Hall & Oates. Please don’t answer that.
If you only listen to one song in these embedded videos, make it this one. The chorus is so feel good you almost want to be in New York in the summer of ’76.
Midnight Rambler – Rolling Stones
The monster in this video would at first appear to be Mick Jagger’s wardrobe choice, but the song itself is actually about Albert DeSalvo, the Boston Strangler. Serial killers get the best nicknames.
DeSalvo confessed to the murder of 13 woman and was promptly never arrested or convicted for them. Instead, he was convicted on several counts of rape and later confessed to the murders, which cops never fully believed, before he was murdered in prison. So that’s a fun story. Let’s make it a song!
Watching Joan Jett Mick Jagger bounce around on stage and get the crowd clapping along with their cool guitar licks tells you that the coolest ramblers are the ones that ramble into your room at night before strangling you with your own sheets.
Pogo the Clown – Dog Fashion Disco
Not familiar with Dog Fashion Disco? Well, they wrote this song about John Wayne Gacy’s clown alter ego and it features the succinct line “serial killer pedophile” at one point, which is good, clean song writing if you ask me.
The song has a relaxed, jazzy vibe that makes you want to wear 70’s style sunglasses in a dark club while smoking unfiltered cigarettes. And hopefully not being sliced up by a fat, psychotic clown.
Skinned – Blind Melon
The things you need to know about this song are as follows;
1. This song is by Blind Melon, the band that sang ‘No Rain,’ with the video featuring that bee girl
2. It’s about serial killer Ed Gein, one of the most infamous in US history, known for his cannibalism and necrophilia and being the partial basis for the films Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Silence of the Lambs and Psycho.
3. The song opens with a kazoo
4. The first line is “I’ll make a shoehorn outta your skin.”
Saucy Jack – Spinal Tap
If you can’t count on Spinal Tap to have at least one song about a serial killer that will make you think of the song from How the Grinch Stole Christmas, what can you count on? Lucky for you, you don’t even need to answer that as Spinal Tap gave us Saucy Jack, about history’s most famous killer, Jack the Ripper.
Because Spinal Tap is awesome, the lyrics include this gem “First the whore says guvnor fancy a squeeze? Next you will be shoving her down the hole to Hades” which is not just a good rhyme, but an educational one.
Richard Speck – Wesley Willis
Noted schizophrenic and prolific musician Wesley Willis sang a song about pretty much everything ever. This includes Richard Speck, who is actually not a serial killer so much as a mass murderer, but this ain’t no scholarly treatise either, so nevermind that.
If you’ve never listened to Wesley Willis, you’e missing out on the work of a man who was literally mentally ill who just yelled stuff a lot, often obscene stuff. This entire song is Wesley yelling Speck’s name, then yelling facts about him. That and the final line “Ford- quality is job one” make this a petty timelines little tune.