8 Words You Can’t Say On The Internet In China

China sounds like a hellhole. Pollution, dictatorship, mass suicides in factories – it’s like a paradise for those that enjoying being oppressed. This hellholiness even bleeds in to China’s internet culture, specifically on Weibo, China’s version of Twitter, in which hundreds of seemingly innocent words are censored for reasons that we westerners would never be able to understand. Yet, I will try to make you understand.

Here are but a few of the words you can’t say on the internet in China.

Three-color Cat – because everyone knows that the foundations of revolution exist within the coats of multi-colored felines.

Sea Cucumber Holothuria – HAHAHA! It looks like a wiener that’s jizzing! HAHAHA!

Private Parts – The Howard Stern book and movie, not pee-pees and vaginas. Although, they’re pretty much the same thing, really.

Evolution  – If you learn that human beings evolved from a more primitive race, how could you ever go back to believing that

Pubic Hair – The Chinese hate pubic hair? Judging by the Asian porn I’ve seen, you could’ve fooled me.

Cobolt-60 – The Chinese government is planning on releasing a big budget sci-fi film, and a secret chemical compound called Cobolt-60 plays a key role in the narrative. By censoring this word, the Chinese government is saving people from inadvertently exposing themselves to story leaks.

Dictatorship – By censoring the word “dictatorship” the Chinese government is hoping no one will realize that’s exactly what they are.

Sodomy — By censoring the word “sodomy” the Chinese government is hoping no one will realize that’s exactly what they are doing to people.