Here’s another guest article by Nicholas Pell, who sometimes hides in celebrities’ closets
We love Sly & the Family Stone, but the news that Sly is living in a van in Compton to avoid the FBI is too funny not to laugh. Sly is the latest in a long line of celebs who are legitimately nuts. Mental illness is really sad if you actually think about it, but we won’t and neither should you. Charlie Sheen isn’t on the list. Move on, people.
Margot “Lois Lane” Kidder’s name is basically synonymous with a celeb who has lost her friggin mind. In 1996 the LAPD found Kidder hanging around naked with her teeth bashed in. That hilariously tragic manic episode was 15 years ago, but Kidder still has the vacant stare of the insane fantasizing about eating your liver raw.
Gary Busey is insane. Or is he? Apparently his weirdness comes more from head injuries than his epic cocaine use. While on Celebrity Rehab the Busey claimed to be in the house to mentor young recovering addicts. Dr. Drew pretended to know nothing about it, because a crazy Busey makes for better teevee than a Busey being helpful and productive. It was later revealed that mentoring is precisely why Busey was approached to do the show. Dr. Drew is a dick!
Anyone who flees the United States to find refuge in Canada obviously has a screw loose. Especially if they flee the U.S. to escape burglary charges after squatting in a guest house they claim belongs to them, but doesn’t. Randy did all this and more. After crossing the border into the Great White North, Quaid sought refugee status, claiming a team of “Hollywood star whackers” put him and his wife in their sniper sights. We hated Major League II as much as the next guy, but we doubt anyone is out to get Quaid.
There’s something vaguely insane about thinking you can seek counsel from invisible sky men. It gets downright pathological when you start hanging out with a guy who looks like he’s running for Mr. Kiwi Power Bottom and evangelizing to gang bangers. Kirk Cameron sacked in his career as a teen idol for a career making bizarre religious videos. The glazed over, vacant look in his eye is all too common among the insane, both secular and spiritual.
How come the people most in need of psychotherapy hate it the most?
Alcoholism is a mental disease and Mel Gibson is proof. The dude can’t lay off the sauce and isn’t exactly at his best when he’s off it. Like a latter-day Gloria Swanson, Gibson has become Martin Riggs. That he wants to die is painfully evident, so why can’t he be a man about it and just find a really tall building or stick a gun in his mouth?
We’re definitely not part of the tinfoil hat brigade, but Spears had us wondering if there really are a gang of reptilian overlords controlling us from the lower fourth dimension. She’s like the Manchurian candidate of pop music, groomed since birth for a high-profile career, except the stress was too much and she lost it. Images of her looking like a Manson Family girl will haunt the world for generations.
Ah, Courtney, we’re really glad Kurt isn’t around to see the state you’re in. When you’re a creepy former alt-rock star pushing 50 and you write a song about how Julian Casablancas hit on you, you might just be joking around. When you hold a suicide party for your daughter’s sweet sixteen, it’s probably time for the professionals to step in.