A good roommate can be a great way to keep you company and help split the cost of rent. A bad roommate, on the other hand, is like a case of AIDS. He or she can take away your freedom, independence and ultimately, your will to live, until you are a shell of the person you once were. Here are the nine worst.
9. The Deadbeat
The first of every month this guy is like a broken record, "Hey man...yeah, so, like, my company...they, like, forgot to pay me. So I don't, like, have any money for, ya know, rent." And he says the same thing when the electric bill, cable bill, or any other bill needs paying. But somehow his total lack of cash doesn't stop him from going out four nights a week, while you're stuck eating Ramen noodles and dryer lint just to make ends meet. And whenever you try to explain to him that you can't always pay for his share, he gets offended, takes a communist stance, and says that if you were in the same position, he would totally help you out. But, unfortunately, Arby's doesn't plan to double his $13,000 salary anytime soon.
8. The Food Stealer
We’ve all taken food that didn’t belong to us at some point, but the Food Stealer is on an entirely different level. It’s as if they spent years in an early twentieth century orphanage, learning grifting and slight of hand techniques. If you ever happen to leave any of your food in a common area like “the fridge,” they’ll immediately eat all of it, and then when you ask them about it, they’ll act like a drug dealer being questioned by the cops about a murder.
YOU: So, did you see the Cheez-its that were in the cabinet?
THEM: Cheez-its?
YOU: Yeah, cheez-its, cheesy snacks, look kind of like wheat thins. You know what they are.
THEM: OH. Cheez-its. Nah, don’t know what happened to them.
YOU: But they were here earlier, and now they’re gone.
THEM: That’s unfortunate. Maybe they’re just missin’. (stare down between you and them)
YOU: Gah! I know you did it you son of a bitch!
7. The Party Guy
Every night this guy comes home at five in the morning, with a group of people that all look like the fourth picture in a twelve picture “Faces Of Meth” montage. If the sound of the music blasting doesn’t wake you up, the drunk woman stumbling in to your room and attempting to f*&k her boyfriend on the bed you’re sleeping on does. Inevitably you have to walk out into the living room, and turn down the music, and everyone looks at you like they’re a group of graduate students and you just told them you “don’t really care for Arrested Development.” You tell your roommate you have to be up in two hours, and they’re like “Oh, no way, okay, totally sorry. We’ll turn this down.” Then you head back to your room, and you clearly hear through the wall, your roommate saying “just wait like two minutes and then we’ll pump that shit up again.”
6. The Borrower
They borrow everything from you, and either lose it or use it for something it wasn’t supposed to be used for, leaving you saying things like “It’s cool you borrowed my copy of Shawshank Redemption, but I’d rather you didn’t use it to hold up your dresser. It’s not really a load bearing DVD.” You don’t want to look like an asshole, but before you know it, you’re gingerly asking them to BORROW BACK the things you lent them. “Hey man, I was wondering if I could grab that toothpaste back from you, just cause I ran out of mine. As soon as I buy new toothpaste, I’ll bring it right back.” “Hmmm, I kind of need it tonight and there’s not much left.” “Okay, cool, no worries.”
5. The Gamer
Everyone likes to kick back and blow off some steam and playing video games. But nothing is more annyoing than sharing an apartment's only television with someone who's surgically attached to his Xbox and/or PS3. Because the only thing lamer than always playing video games, is having to watch someone always play video games. The problem is, hardcore gamers don't sleep, or seem to have regular jobs. Which means you're getting woken up by him screaming into a headset at a seven-year-old in Poland about how his Warlock totally annihilated by his cleric. Or when you get home from work and you just want to watch some mindless TV, but he's playing Madden by himself so he can "practice running up the middle. Or when you just want to watch the Super Bowl and he "Needs to get to this one last level of Call of Duty so I can save it. Can you listen to the first half on the radio? I'm sure it's online somewhere."
4. Couch Potato
Remember how you used to like sitting on your couch? Remember how it used to not smell like rotten guacamole? Remember when it wasn’t covered in what looks like various dried bodily fluids and sweat stains? Well those days are over, now that you’re living with a Couch Potato. The Couch Potato roommate is usually a combo roommate, meaning that the Couch Potato will most likely also be The Gamer, The Dead Beat, or (worst of all) The Guy Who’s Girlfriend is Always Over. Either way, this couch is his new home, and there’s no moving him once he’s established it as his territory. Your best plan of action now is to position a garbage can nearby, get a fresh bottle of Febreeze, and learn to like Law & Order (all of them), because he who controls the couch controls the television, and that SVU shit is like Couch Potato heroin.
3.The Guy Whose Girlfriend Is Always Over
When you're roommate is in a relationship, it's like you're in a relationship, too. Except you only get the shit parts of having a girlfriend. You're always hanging out with her, she's eating your food and she's taking up your spot on the couch, but you don't get to have sex with her. And somehow, you end up watching Grey's Anatomy because she wants to because you're roommate wants to watch it because he wants to keep having sex with her.
2. The Slob
After the slob is done cooking, your kitchen looks like someone raped a barbecue chicken sandwich.Every time you walk past their bathroom, it smells like a baby shit on top of a copy of the New York times, then died.Every time you ask them to clean up, they respond with picking up something and moving it somewhere else, then look at you to see what your response will be like they’re playing chess for the first time and want to make sure they moved the knight correctly.The apartment gets messier and messier, until the only way the apartment could get any dirtier, is if it f*&ked strangers for money.That’s when you realize you’ve lost the battle, and start laughing when your roommate blows his nose on a pair of basketball shorts he found stuffed inside your silverware drawer.
1.Mr. Anal Retentive
Maybe this person was raised in a strict household. Maybe at some point they were thrown into the back of a garbage truck, and they’ve been freaked out by messiness ever since. Freud would say that at some point in their childhood they had to hold in a huge dump, and that magically turned into obsessive-compulsive disorder. Whatever the reasoning, there are some people who are anal retentive neat-freaks, and this can translate into a roommate nightmare. To compound the issue, most anal-retentive people are passive aggressive, so they won’t express frustration and resentment over having to wash your two dirty dishes in the sink to satisfy their twisted psychological disorder. After about 7 months, though, all of their frustration will build into a repressed volcano of bitter rage, and eventually they will go ballistic over something completely inane, leaving you to calm the situation down by saying something like “Dude. Sorry, I didn’t know we had separate sponges for the dishes and the counter.” Unfortunately, you’ll still have five months left on your one-year lease. Good luck with that.
What about a roomie who comes to you and says "you probably should know that we have half a kilo of uncut speed in the freezer?.."
About a year later there was weed growing everywhere, in every room, in every closet, in the kitchen, in the bathroom.. we even bought a new one for the livingroom so we could grow there too..Real jungle and he lived literally in the living room.
How i miss that guy.. he passed away in the new year (not by drugs or anything related to them, in case you wonder.)
Lets see.. I've got the female slob.. I've got the girl whose boyfriend NEVER leaves, matter of fact, he has actually moved into my apartment. The gamer.. the mooch of epic proportions. I think my favorite experience has been finding the surprise condom wrappers everywhere. No, wait.. my favorite one of all was the fact that my roommate accused me of having an affair with her boyfriend.. I'm a lesbian. Yeah.. roommates, the bane of my existence.
you failed to mention the stripper. i used to live with 2 of them, and they are the worst to live with! they are the equivalent of combining the partier, the anal-retentive, and the food stealer into one!
every stereotype has some ounce of truth to it...there's always those people who, even when given opportunities to do otherwise, perpetuate their stereotypes.
you forgot the serial killer. The one with the grungy, mangy hair, he always asks you a question that ends in "veditch-waggle vaggle bagga?" They always bury stuff in your sorry excuse of a backyard that always smells like a dead cat. Oh and don't get me started on the many mannequin heads that get stuffed in your refrigerator with a permanent grimace on their face. They're great cooks though.
I have the worst roommate ever, she bearly cleans up after herself, but has no issue with bothering us to clean to(usually her mess). She steals food, and beer. I don't think I have seen a day where her boyfriend isn't here. During the weekdays if we so much as walk through the house with an MP# player going, she reminds that she has class at 10 am and we have to keep it down. Then on the weekends when the other roomie and myself need to be up for work at 5 am, she has no issue with bringing 40 people home from the bar to blast ABBA and do coke. Actually she'll find anyway to keep you awake(fighting with her boyfriend, blasting shitty music, screwing loudly at 6 am) usually on the days we plan on sleeping in, or being up for work at daylight. Every month her check bounces.
Best part of it all, you meantion shes doing anything wrong and she will find a way to turn it back on you, or break down hardcore.
Sadly where I live, by law you have to give someone 90 days notice to be out, as along as they don't destroy your house or physically harm you.
The "pothead gang" should be a category. I like to toke some weed every now and then but it gets REALLY annoying when your garage and/or porch becomes the local center for disgusting ashtrays and hard after-bong-rip coughs. Don't these people realize that marijuana is STILL illegal? Do they have to be just loud enough for everyone in the complex to hear their smoker's coughs? Do these people not realize how to use a trash can or pick up munchies and/or drinks BEFORE they get blazed and go out driving with ounces of weed in their cars? Can they please, for the love of GAWD, NOT deal drugs in my house?
my roomys annoying always clean clean cleanin WTF ever heard of cleaning maybe once or twice a week fuck then i have work 2 go 2 he sits on his ass all day watching the news hey man the stock market rose good 4 you man good 4 you he always complains i dont have any money cuz the stocks r down no you dont have money cuz you dont work i get my ass chewed every day if i leave 1 thing out 4 a sec and at work BITCH boss and ppl r fin annoying so im quiting 4 something new i dont have a collage education and i droped outa high school tell me if theres a good place 2 work that pay isnt too bad
What about the MASTURBATER ROOMMATE who has been known to beat it at all hours of the day and in the common, shared living areas. Sometimes you come come and they are all sweaty and out of breath on the couch with thongsdaily.com pulled up on their browser. You find fresh spunk in an empty keg cup by the couch because the piece of shit is too lazy to do anything else with it. True story!
I have to reply to this one. A friend was lying down in his room with a migrane. Hears his other room mate, "Eric," come home. Doesn't make a sound because...he has a headache. He hears Eric start beating off. He figures, "Whatever, he'll stop soon, and I'll go back to wallowing in my misery." Then he hears Eric yelling, "Oh, Eric! Oh, Eric!"
We regret to inform you that you're application for roommate has been denied. While we understand this may negatively impact you, we're sure someone else won't mind you and your splooge-fest moving in there.
Unless you are the person who only comes home for a few hours a week, you really have to go hard and get out on your own. Don't rely on lucking out by finding the "ideal" room mate. They are as rare as rocking horse shit it seems.
Sorry students... this means your more or less fucked (at least until you graduate and are earning a decent wage).
One of my best friends (female) lives with a lifelong homosexual male friend. Us girls like to get together and do crafts and sometimes have a drink or 2. Unless there is a guy there he is a total a-hole. He will do anything to annoy us. He will make us turn the music down at 7pm because he is depressed and wants to go to bed. I always act nice to him but he still acts like an ass. We even ask him to join us in our festivities but he always refuses and wants to come in and use my laptop to play WOW. what an effing tard. So Gay Boy Drama Queens suck as roomates to the fullest extent.
I can't stand people who think negative all of the time. Arrrrgh!!!
What about the roomies who don't do shit when you're in trouble?
I had a boyfriend who was a bit unstable and would lock me in rooms and destroy my shit.... I'd be yelling for somebody to open the door and the roomies would ignore the calls, or just watch as $1000 worth of items gets destroyed... Then when shit calms down they act like nothing happened and expect you to drive them around and let them eat your food...
Or the room mates who hide all their food in their room then proceed to eat all yours.
Ok I just came up with a new one for you.. "The self proclaimed victim" - The bitch who drags all of her problems and baggage into your life and expects you to help her out. This person will bring home psyco boyfriends and continually put your health and well-being in jeoporady. Then they will complain about how you didn't solve the problems that they brought upon themselves.
Kyle, you are just bored or something! You are commenting about everyone. You are proobably every one of these wrapped up into one lousy roommate. Heres a new one "the Kyle"! now piss off
(305 Comments)
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Holy Taco Goes to the Bahamas
April 6th, 2009 at 10:30 pm
you mean leftist liberal psychos
July 30th, 2009 at 09:58 am
no, the fisting enthusiasts
April 6th, 2009 at 08:53 pm
What about a roomie who comes to you and says "you probably should know that we have half a kilo of uncut speed in the freezer?.."
About a year later there was weed growing everywhere, in every room, in every closet, in the kitchen, in the bathroom.. we even bought a new one for the livingroom so we could grow there too..Real jungle and he lived literally in the living room.
How i miss that guy.. he passed away in the new year (not by drugs or anything related to them, in case you wonder.)
April 6th, 2009 at 08:55 pm
EDIT: .. we even bought a new one for the living room=a new closet
April 6th, 2009 at 09:23 pm
Lets see.. I've got the female slob.. I've got the girl whose boyfriend NEVER leaves, matter of fact, he has actually moved into my apartment. The gamer.. the mooch of epic proportions. I think my favorite experience has been finding the surprise condom wrappers everywhere. No, wait.. my favorite one of all was the fact that my roommate accused me of having an affair with her boyfriend.. I'm a lesbian. Yeah.. roommates, the bane of my existence.
April 6th, 2009 at 09:24 pm
you failed to mention the stripper. i used to live with 2 of them, and they are the worst to live with! they are the equivalent of combining the partier, the anal-retentive, and the food stealer into one!
April 7th, 2009 at 05:13 pm
I'm a stripper and I don't do any of those things. Thats just stereo typing us all that way. So I disagree.
April 10th, 2009 at 05:46 am
every stereotype has some ounce of truth to it...there's always those people who, even when given opportunities to do otherwise, perpetuate their stereotypes.
April 6th, 2009 at 09:34 pm
you forgot the serial killer. The one with the grungy, mangy hair, he always asks you a question that ends in "veditch-waggle vaggle bagga?" They always bury stuff in your sorry excuse of a backyard that always smells like a dead cat. Oh and don't get me started on the many mannequin heads that get stuffed in your refrigerator with a permanent grimace on their face. They're great cooks though.
April 6th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
serial killers live with their mommys you moron
April 6th, 2009 at 10:51 pm
yeah, moron.
April 6th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
frickin idiot
April 7th, 2009 at 03:52 am
Fuckin' Mormon.
April 10th, 2009 at 05:44 am
or they live by themselves!
April 11th, 2009 at 11:06 am
Depends if you count a dead body as a person.
April 6th, 2009 at 09:45 pm
I have the worst roommate ever, she bearly cleans up after herself, but has no issue with bothering us to clean to(usually her mess). She steals food, and beer. I don't think I have seen a day where her boyfriend isn't here. During the weekdays if we so much as walk through the house with an MP# player going, she reminds that she has class at 10 am and we have to keep it down. Then on the weekends when the other roomie and myself need to be up for work at 5 am, she has no issue with bringing 40 people home from the bar to blast ABBA and do coke. Actually she'll find anyway to keep you awake(fighting with her boyfriend, blasting shitty music, screwing loudly at 6 am) usually on the days we plan on sleeping in, or being up for work at daylight. Every month her check bounces.
Best part of it all, you meantion shes doing anything wrong and she will find a way to turn it back on you, or break down hardcore.
Sadly where I live, by law you have to give someone 90 days notice to be out, as along as they don't destroy your house or physically harm you.
We're stuck with her.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:50 pm
stabbing doesn't need 90 days advance notice.
April 6th, 2009 at 10:08 pm
The "pothead gang" should be a category. I like to toke some weed every now and then but it gets REALLY annoying when your garage and/or porch becomes the local center for disgusting ashtrays and hard after-bong-rip coughs. Don't these people realize that marijuana is STILL illegal? Do they have to be just loud enough for everyone in the complex to hear their smoker's coughs? Do these people not realize how to use a trash can or pick up munchies and/or drinks BEFORE they get blazed and go out driving with ounces of weed in their cars? Can they please, for the love of GAWD, NOT deal drugs in my house?
April 6th, 2009 at 11:50 pm
shut up and smoke a blunt.
April 7th, 2009 at 03:33 pm
hehe
April 8th, 2009 at 06:01 pm
Yeah Yeah whatever man...hand me that bong if your not going to hit it.
April 6th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
my roomys annoying always clean clean cleanin WTF ever heard of cleaning maybe once or twice a week fuck then i have work 2 go 2 he sits on his ass all day watching the news hey man the stock market rose good 4 you man good 4 you he always complains i dont have any money cuz the stocks r down no you dont have money cuz you dont work i get my ass chewed every day if i leave 1 thing out 4 a sec and at work BITCH boss and ppl r fin annoying so im quiting 4 something new i dont have a collage education and i droped outa high school tell me if theres a good place 2 work that pay isnt too bad
April 6th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
your going to homeless and jobless. youre no the only one but but still it sucks to be just like you. i should know i droppedout of high school too.
April 7th, 2009 at 06:48 am
was that a txt msg?
August 19th, 2009 at 10:25 am
This hurts my eyes.
September 1st, 2009 at 11:54 am
Ever heard of punctuation? Make it your new best friend. Now.
October 14th, 2009 at 12:57 pm
You dropped out of high school? wow, I could barely even tell!
April 6th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
What are you saying? I don't speak retardese.
April 7th, 2009 at 12:12 am
No college education you say? Well, I never.
April 7th, 2009 at 06:13 am
What the hell was the point here?
April 7th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
haha. your post and my eyes are like similarly charged magnets. As soon as i try to look at it, they immediately glance off in another direction.
April 7th, 2009 at 02:57 pm
That is the longest, most incoherent sentence I've ever seen in my life. Incredible.
April 16th, 2009 at 05:48 am
i know exactly what your saying mate (even if no one else possibly would)
April 6th, 2009 at 10:25 pm
What about the MASTURBATER ROOMMATE who has been known to beat it at all hours of the day and in the common, shared living areas. Sometimes you come come and they are all sweaty and out of breath on the couch with thongsdaily.com pulled up on their browser. You find fresh spunk in an empty keg cup by the couch because the piece of shit is too lazy to do anything else with it. True story!
April 6th, 2009 at 10:28 pm
and the towels all got crust and smell funny too. all the towels am i right?
April 8th, 2009 at 10:17 am
I have to reply to this one. A friend was lying down in his room with a migrane. Hears his other room mate, "Eric," come home. Doesn't make a sound because...he has a headache. He hears Eric start beating off. He figures, "Whatever, he'll stop soon, and I'll go back to wallowing in my misery." Then he hears Eric yelling, "Oh, Eric! Oh, Eric!"
Eric yells his own name while masturbating.
April 9th, 2009 at 01:52 am
That is hysterical!
June 4th, 2009 at 01:23 pm
We regret to inform you that you're application for roommate has been denied. While we understand this may negatively impact you, we're sure someone else won't mind you and your splooge-fest moving in there.
Roommate Application Status: Fail.
April 6th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
lived with all of these at the same time. got a place of my own, never been happier the end
April 7th, 2009 at 02:37 pm
AMEN!!
April 16th, 2009 at 05:45 am
your right roney...
Unless you are the person who only comes home for a few hours a week, you really have to go hard and get out on your own. Don't rely on lucking out by finding the "ideal" room mate. They are as rare as rocking horse shit it seems.
Sorry students... this means your more or less fucked (at least until you graduate and are earning a decent wage).
April 6th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Don't forget roommates that rip ass and stink up the whole house. Oh, wait thats me.
April 7th, 2009 at 07:33 pm
HAHA me too!
April 12th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Me three!
April 6th, 2009 at 11:43 pm
One of my best friends (female) lives with a lifelong homosexual male friend. Us girls like to get together and do crafts and sometimes have a drink or 2. Unless there is a guy there he is a total a-hole. He will do anything to annoy us. He will make us turn the music down at 7pm because he is depressed and wants to go to bed. I always act nice to him but he still acts like an ass. We even ask him to join us in our festivities but he always refuses and wants to come in and use my laptop to play WOW. what an effing tard. So Gay Boy Drama Queens suck as roomates to the fullest extent.
I can't stand people who think negative all of the time. Arrrrgh!!!
April 7th, 2009 at 12:46 am
What about the roomies who don't do shit when you're in trouble?
I had a boyfriend who was a bit unstable and would lock me in rooms and destroy my shit.... I'd be yelling for somebody to open the door and the roomies would ignore the calls, or just watch as $1000 worth of items gets destroyed... Then when shit calms down they act like nothing happened and expect you to drive them around and let them eat your food...
Or the room mates who hide all their food in their room then proceed to eat all yours.
April 7th, 2009 at 04:35 am
So you drag your violent boyfriend to the shared flat and want the roommates to step between him and your stuff when he starts kicking off?
April 7th, 2009 at 08:16 am
Ok I just came up with a new one for you.. "The self proclaimed victim" - The bitch who drags all of her problems and baggage into your life and expects you to help her out. This person will bring home psyco boyfriends and continually put your health and well-being in jeoporady. Then they will complain about how you didn't solve the problems that they brought upon themselves.
April 7th, 2009 at 08:59 am
Kyle, you are just bored or something! You are commenting about everyone. You are proobably every one of these wrapped up into one lousy roommate. Heres a new one "the Kyle"! now piss off
April 8th, 2009 at 11:59 pm
aww your just jelous! cause you obviously dont have a life ether stupid dick head
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